to think parents should allow teachers to deal with incidents in school before confronting anther parent??

[icarriedawatermelon2]

If only to not get red faced themselves when they realise their PFB has infact been not so innocent! Isn't that just school gate etiquette?

I think it depends on what the incident is, but yes, in general, YANBU.

Please share...

YANBU. But sadly some parents feel the overwhelming need to interfere get over involved in every single school related fracas. And clearly have a heavily biased version of events from their perfect offspring. I've encountered a couple of Mums at school, who think their darling cherub is faultless and felt the need to discuss every time they had a fall out with one of my dd's. As a result, their darling cherubs now have far fewer friends and I avoid them at all times, because I can't bear people like this

I refer to infant school aged children who will always give you an interesting series of events! Bless them! I trust the staff to tell me anything they feel I need to know, and deal with anything they need to. I wonder if the parents I see confronting other parents "X pushed my DD, x is always doing it you need to have a word etc" are being either very precious or perhaps more so, showing a lack of respect for the good judgements of staff??

and in my experience, the ones who always get over involved have the bratty challenging kids. They're not the delightful children they believe them to be.

lottielou398 how do you deal with it??!

Infant school! Lol, she'll learn. YADNBU

how do I deal with it? Well, call me cynical, jaded and fucked off with 8 years of school runs, but how I now deal with it is by giving people like this a VERY VERY wide berth. I realised pretty quickly with dd1 that women like this behave the same with everyone, so it's not personal. Its a shame cos their kids usually end up with very few friends cos people like me avoid avoid avoid their nightmare Mothers. But in my experience, these women have the skin of a rhino and will continue to hover, interfere and micro manage every minor foible if you allow them to. The trick is to not allow them to do it anymore. Walk away. Take their power away. Give them zero attention.

Yes - the stories are not exactly unbiased, but at the same time it is hard when your child is on the wrong end of being bullied, and the school is not doing anything constructive about it or even acknowledge that it is happening.

A friend had a chat to one of the parents whose child was implicated in the bullying of my friend's son - very effective - perhaps it is more the way in which the exchange takes place.

the problem is that we're not in the classroom with them so don't know whats really going on. A classic example of barging in too soon happened to me. A Mum approached me in the playground (in front of someone else) and said that my dd (and a couple of others) had been picking on her daughter. She later backtracked (in private, but I'd still had the public humiliation first) and said that she'd spoken further to her daughter and it turned out that things weren't quite as her daughter had reported. (the other girls were the main culprits allegedly and not my dd). If she'd just spoken to the teacher, it would've been much easier. As it happens, she went straight for a bit of head on confrontation and got the wrong end of the stick and not only falsely accused someone, but in a very public way.

Itsjustafleshwound - I can understand that in the case of older children but not infants school :)
lottielou39 - nightmare, I would never have the rights words at hand in that type of situation.

There is not a huge amount you can do to stop them saying anything except avoid them but just reply that maybe she would like to come with you and you can discuss it with the teacher once you have asked your own child what their side of the story is. Some parents feel that they have the right to confront you and some even worse confront the offending child (without any parent or teacher knowledge) This needs to go straight to the head. Don't worry too much about other people overhearing as they prob know what that parent is like - every school has one!