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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DP to take some refresher driving lessons?

22 replies

37jonsialex · 02/04/2012 10:12

DP is not the best driver. He's been driving for 7 years, but he just doesnt concentrate! I really question how he passed his test sometimes. He runs red lights, makes mistakes at roundabouts and this morning, he pulled put in front of another car (we were SO close to having a pretty bad accident). He thinks that just because he's never had an accident, he's a great driver, but we've had so many near misses and it really worries me, especially with ds in the car.
I don't drive (24 so too expensive to ensure me)
So would I be unreasonable to ask him to take a few lessons?

OP posts:

JarethTheGoblinKing · 02/04/2012 10:15

I'd stop getting in the car with him tbh!

How would he react to the suggestion of refresher lessons?

Gemtubbs · 02/04/2012 10:30

Just because a person can drive well in a 45 minute window of a test, it doesn't make them a good driver. I think that a person's psyche should be tested when they take a driving test. They might be very good at reverse parking and driving around on the test, but they might be a right dick head with no regard for life and speed around. Not saying your dp is like this, but maybe he's just not that bothered about paying attention when he's driving and maybe he doesn't take it too seriously.

Oakmaiden · 02/04/2012 10:31

It doesn't sound like he needs driving lessons so much as he needs to pay more attention.

I don't know how you can make that happen though. :(

CailinDana · 02/04/2012 10:34

I wouldn't get in the car with someone who runs red lights and I definitely wouldn't let my child get in the car with them. I'm not sure refresher lessons would work - it seems like it's more a concentration/attitude thing than lack of skill. I know some people who should not be allowed within three feet of a steering wheel. The only reason they haven't killed themselves or someone else is sheer luck

AWomanCalledHorse · 02/04/2012 10:37

I would stop getting in the car with him too.
He'll probably think you're an arse for it, using the 'Well you don't know how to drive...so what do you know' excuse.

Does he need the car? Could you get away with not having one in the household?

Original poster

37jonsialex · 02/04/2012 10:40

I wish that was an option, unfortunately we live in the country and getting to work and school on time would be impossible on the bus (I've checked!).
I have no idea how to fix the situation. I've told him before that he needs to concentrate, but he says I'm nagging him and judging by this mornings incident, it hasn't worked!
Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Ephiny · 02/04/2012 10:42

Might be a better idea for you to take lessons instead?

I agree it sounds like an attitude problem on his part, rather than a lack of knowledge/skill - surely no one needs 'refresher lessons' to tell them they shouldn't run red lights

Original poster

37jonsialex · 02/04/2012 10:42

Jareth- I'm not sure it'd go down too well at all!

OP posts:

fussbucket · 02/04/2012 10:44

The trouble is EVERYONE thinks they're a good driver, men and women both, so he's going to react badly to pretty well anything you say, especially if you don't drive yourself. Have you actually passed a test but just aren't insured, or have you not learned to drive yet?

Ephiny · 02/04/2012 10:44

Oh I see the insurance would be a problem for you. Not sure you have much of a choice though, if you can't get around on public transport, and he can't/won't drive safely.

Can you move somewhere less rural? A bit drastic I know, but this is the safety of your family/child at risk!

Meglet · 02/04/2012 10:44

I wouldn't get in the car with him.

Find the money (somehow!) for your own lessons and insurance. Suggest he takes an advanced driving course?

fussbucket · 02/04/2012 10:49

At 24 you're not far from the magic 25 when insurance starts to get faintly affordable, so if you haven't had lessons yet I'd start budgeting for them - it'll really open your life up quite apart from dp's rubbish driving putting you in fear.

AWomanCalledHorse · 02/04/2012 10:52

Would DP be happy for you to get an account with a minicab/taxi firm and spend his driving budget that way?

BTW, OP I'm the same age as you but I've not learnt to drive as there's no point atm (SAHM, live in a 'good' area for shops/public transport) and DH's car is a monster.

Would you report him to the police?

LaurieFairyCake · 02/04/2012 10:53

Learn to drive or move.

Those are your only options. Oh wait, there's one other - cross your fingers

ABatInBunkFive · 02/04/2012 10:54

So if he does cause a bad accident one day and loses his licence what will you do, because that's what could happen.

IAmBooyhoo · 02/04/2012 10:57

i agree that at 24 you could start driving lessons now and then take your text at 25 when insurance would be cheaper for you. i would also refuse to get in the car with him. tell him that if he doesn't take measures to ensure the safety of you and his child whilst on the road then you will have to use the family budget to pay for taxis to get to work and school.

Original poster

37jonsialex · 02/04/2012 11:37

That is very true bat . Good way of putting it.
I would never report him to the police unless it got really bad, but I can see what you mean, a kick up the arse like that might work.

I've just sent an email to a local driving instructor, so hopefully he'll have space for me.
Thing is that there is no way of having a conversation about it without him getting annoyed! I really dont think he realises that its a problem. Guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and tell him that I'll be getting a taxi to work tomorrow.

OP posts:

IAmBooyhoo · 02/04/2012 11:43

make sure you follow through though OP. if you say you are taking a taxi just to scare him but dont actually do it, he wont have any reason to go and book some lessons. it's an empty threat. he needs to feel the consequences of his behaviour in order for him to take action.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/04/2012 11:50

There are few universal truths but one is 'criticising a mans driving is like saying their cock is too small, it never goes down well.'

Even I think I'm a good driver but I'm probably shit

5Foot5 · 02/04/2012 13:31

Someone I used to work with was very worried about her father's driving. He was elderly and had got his license in the days before you had to pass a test and he made shocking mistakes. However, she and her siblings signed up to take the Advanced Driving test. Where they lived there was a scheme whereby if you took the lessons in your own car it was quite cheap. Anyway, they sold this idea to their Dad as being a great money saver because apparently you could get a discount on your insurance if you had this qualification. Their dad went along with it - I am not sure whether he got as far as the test in the end but it certainly improved his driving.

I am not sure if these discounts still apply but if they do maybe you could persuade DP to have a go? Perhaps it would sound less like you were criticising if you suggested he go on an "advanced" course rather than a "refresher"

JarethTheGoblinKing · 02/04/2012 13:37

Good idea - could be approached as 'if you're such a good driver you shouldn't have any trouble passing it and then insurance will be cheaper' :)

Pandemoniaa · 02/04/2012 13:42

Unfortunately, if your DP is convinced he's a good driver, it'll be a difficult job to persuade him he isn't! Because sadly, there are very many people who manage to squeak through the driving test, despite all evidence suggesting they won't, and passing it seems to convince them that they are now competent behind the wheel. Which can be far from the case.

I agree that the best course of action is for you to learn to drive.

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