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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have a go at my parents?

34 replies

annoyeddaughter · 02/04/2012 09:44

hi its a long story so i will try keep it short, my parents stay a ten minute drive away they are both early 50's my dad claims hes unwell alot but still manages to go jogging for hour every morning to park 2 minutes from my house. Anyway my problem.is they never phone me , my dad will send generic facebook message once every few months and thats it last time we seen them was christmas before that it had been 6 months i never recieved birthday card present or even phone call till 9 that night.I know it sounds petty but my sister stays about 5 minutes from them and they see her 4-5 times a week! they go to hers for dinner about once a week and take her drives to beace ect, she is childless and my older sister by 5 years. My eldest sister lives in london and seriously they see her more often they go down every few months for week or two at a time. Before it gets asked i did used to take my 3 year old over to visit but tbh they moaned afterwards toy sister about my daughter being noisy and i phoned few times a week but gave up why should i try if they dont. What would you do , last time i said anything it resulted in major falling out but its taking the piss my daughter is 3 years old and has seen them less than 20 times and they stay 10 minutes away surely somethings not right any ideas what i should do?? x

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 02/04/2012 12:03

It's honestly nothing to do with you as a person - it's not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong. The problem is with them, and sadly, that's beyond your control.

You need to get out of the mindset, where you think you have to justify what you do to them, or explain/make excuses for not spending Christmas with them. You have no obligation to them, to do what they want. You owe them nothing and once you can get your head around that, you will feel liberated. At the moment, even though you barely see them, they are sucking a lot of your mental energy.

annoyeddaughter · 02/04/2012 12:07

Thumbwitch they have never been warm they were never affectionate when i was growing up not cuddles telling me they love me ect. We were pretty much left to get on with it the didnt care where we went how late we stayed out , but i was expected to clean cook and look after brother and nephews when they stayed :(.

thanks NarkedPuffin (hugs ) thats the one good thing i will make sure my daughter never feels like this i font know how a parent could.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 02/04/2012 12:08

Do you think they feel a bit young to be grandparents (they are the same age as me and DH Grin & I wouldn't want to be a GP ) - if they like spending time with your sister who is childless perhaps they just don't want to be with young children?

Have you triend suggesting to your mum that you do something for just the two of you, ie: a spa trip/shopping/meal out? Perhaps she would like to see you alone without the grandchild or your husband?

Try and feel grateful that you haven't got interefering parents who will never leave you alone Grin - I think you should just concentrate on enjoying your own life with your immediate family and friends.

annoyeddaughter · 02/04/2012 12:10

thanks karmabeliever they really are sucking my energy i find myself unable to sleep at night as i think it all through in my head and end up upset i wish i could just flick a switch and forget.x

OP posts:
annoyeddaughter · 02/04/2012 12:13

lol true Ragwort i would no doubt be complaining if they were too full on.
I dont think its age thing as my eldest nephew was born 9 years ago so they where 44 ish and they had him every weekend alough i lived at home then and done alot of the looking after nephew. I have invited her out to lunch cinema etc but she always has a reason not too :( x

OP posts:
everlong · 02/04/2012 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skybluepearl · 02/04/2012 13:03

the best thing you can do to move on and stop feeling hurt is accept the way they are and lower your expectations. You are allowing them to drag you down and have a negative effect on you. So take stock and start thinking differently. Accept them for who they are - accept that that is thier problem and not yours. Be with people who love you and will lift you up. Maybe even think parents have been sent to teach you something - think what you can learn from the situation (being fair to kids with time and support).

skybluepearl · 02/04/2012 13:05

Really try to live in the here and now. Enjoy your kids and see parents absense away from your family as thier loss - not yours

porcamiseria · 02/04/2012 16:43

mega hugs

I am sorry , its shit and you do not deserve this.

Here is what I would do,
STOP making contact with them, just stop. It will feel weird at first, but stay with it
dont call, dont email, dont text
Be busy/not available
do not discuss with siblings

each time you open to them, they hurt you

Think of your daughter here

In time you might wish to discuss this, but right now I say FUCK them and try to passive-aggressivley start to reduce the time and emotion you give them

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