i dont want to be here

[OfCourseImAlwaysRight]

married for 6 years, hubby works in IT, far from home.(we all live away from home for his job) he never puts me first,with anything, hes been at friends all weekend-friends i am no longer friends with. went on fri,didnt invite me at frst was gone 2 hours- then came home to collect something, didnt let me know he was back-just straight in pick it up and out again-then after 2 hrs he walked in and invited over.
i feel like i always come 2nd or even 99th with him. He has now gone to bed sulking with me, I havent done anything to warrant him sulcking with me.
Ive had a horrible weekend all by myself and he just doesnt care... i want to go home to family and friends and have some support.
i hate to involve others because i am seen to others as being a strong person..... i have cried A LOT this weekend.
please help xx

I think you should go home. A wife should come first with her husband - above job, friends, everything. If you've moved for his job and he can't even be arsed to treat you with any kind of consideration, then you are clearly better off not staying with him.

Is is possible for you to go home - do you have somewhere to stay and a job to go to?

If were you, I'd start planning my way out - get finances in order, apply for jobs etc.

So sorry you are going through this you must be feeling so alone.

Any chance of talking to him about how you feel? Would be a big discussion and I get the impression he would not want to hear it

ive got somewhere to go, and could easily find a job once im there, i woul;d be staying with parents so would have no rush, i just dont want to feel a failure with my marrige,we married young and i think that this would be the point ehat evryone would say "i thought this would happen". i dont want to be here but i cant bare the thought thay others would think this.
i know that i should do what would make me happy but i cant help but think about what others would think.

You are not a failure. He is the failure, and the only way you would be failing is if you stayed and let him suck you down.

Just go. Be happy and make a new life. :)

ive tried to have "the talk" with him before, he promises me he will put me first and will always be on my side, but after a short while (3 weeks) he goes bck to the way he was previous. x

I can understand why you might feel like that, but it's a crappy reason to accept this level of unhappiness. Much braver to look after yourself.

The very fact you worrying about what others think is also probably a sign of how ground down you are. I know when I am unhappy/depressed, a bit of paranoia creeps in. Genuinely, people who are worth your respect will love and support you

Best to get out now, before you waste any more of your life on him. You haven't failed - it's not your fault that this marriage hasn't worked out - it's his.

Later, you will meet a man who truly loves you and you will be so glad you got shot of this man who doesn't deserve you.

thankyou all for your responses, i know that i should go,i want to go but...i would have to move the childrens school, they would loose all their .
friends,and thats the part i cant cope with, i thought we would all be happy.
i went for diner with kids and their was a wishing well there, my little girl (8) wished that "mammy and daddy would live happily ever after"
i feel like shit
i know that they must know the basics of it-like we arnet talking ect, but i cant cope wioth knowiong that ive riuned their childhood. x

It is not the end of the world to change your children's school - it nice if you don't have to, but no harm will come to them if you do. I have moved mine and they are fine. Children make new friends, quickly.

What is worse is for them to grow up in a household where they see daddy doesn't give a shit about mummy. If things are that bad, then you are doing your kids no favours by sticking with it.

They would be much better off learning that woman don't have to put up with being badly treated.

i would class myself as a strong woman and would like my dd to class herself as one too.
I hate the thoughtn of her inyears to come coming to me and saying these things to her, iwould be horrified. my mother didnt expect to here this from me and i dont expect to here this from her. i feel like my hubby should treat me the way he would want hid daugter to be treat.. i have said this before,,he just shugs.
i love my kids more than life itself, i dont want to ruin their childhoods by either staying with tbeir father that i didnt love,or moving to otjer end of country with me when i would be happy,
which is the best??
x

To leave and move, without a doubt. Don't forget that 2 parents are not needed for a happy family. I'm a single parent and our family unit is very, very happy.

We learn about relationships from our family. The last thing you want is to teach your DDs that your relationship with your H is normal.

Agree with stratters and others. You are the role model for your DC, much worse for them to grow up seeing you dying of misery, lonely, depressed, losing your confidence. Plus leaving might give your DH a kick up the backside and shock him into actually changing. I don't know how old you both are now but he sounds incredibly immature and self-centred.

Good luck x

If he behaves like that, I'd be very tempted to move back without telling him.

Would he try to prevent you?

There's no way I'd live away from my friends and family for a man who treated me like that.

(I hesitate to say this because I'm not trying to be rude, I'm trying to be helpful, ok?)

Could it be that the things you do together are boring? When people first start dating they tend to do stuff that they like together and have a good time and so want to spend more time together. As things become more humdrum and real life gets in the way sometimes being together is just not that fun and the other person seems boring. I don't like hanging out with boring people, do you?

What fun things did you do together when you first started dating? What things do you both enjoy doing? Can you think of things you can fit into your day to do together?

Often when we are tired it is hard to get up the energy to do something, especially when there is housework to do, but if one of you can expend enough energy to persuade the other there is a chance to kindle the spark.

Now if none of this works then sure, get the hell out of there, but you might like to try to fix it.

Why didn't you mention kids in the first post? How many do you have, can't work it out.

I should do what you want to do and not worry about what others think.
At least sit down with him, tell him how you feel.

Perhaps ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships topic? AIBU can be harsh sometimes.

It doesn't sound as if your H is very interested in improving things. I do think it's worth expressing that you're so unhappy you're thinking of going back home unless there is a danger that he will take the children or something similar.

You also haven't said how you feel about him. What do you want in an ideal world?

I'm not convinced that you want to leave him. The worry about what others think would be totally irrelevant to you if that was really how you felt - or at least, it was to me after thinking I would be concerned.

Maybe the two of you need to be together but living apart, for now. You don't have to separate to live in different places. It sounds like the main thing you want is to be close to friends, rather than be apart from him.

Can't you move back to your parents just because you want to be close to them? Then arrange trips - he can come to see you, you can go to see him, and see how things work out? You might realise that you live each other dearly, or that the right thing to do would be to separate. But if you do separate you can blame thd distance rather than anything else.

Sometimes you need a big of space to appreciate what you've got (equally applies to him)