to think friendships shouldn't be this hard?

[OAM2009]

Don't think I'm a bad person. Try to be nice, polite, kind and helpful. However, seem to have now lost 2 friends in one month. One is my own fault for opening my big, stupid mout (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1440567-to-expect-forgiveness-for-my-bad-behaviour-bit-long?pg=1)
The other I don't get. I'm in an NCT group that has kept together for over 3 years but have just been texted by another girl saying are you going to X's BBQ on Friday? What text and what BBQ? I did make the terrible mistake of trying to pass on my commiserations on her MC to X, to which she responded by jumping up and walking away saying "I don't want to talk about it". She was fine with me later and we chatted nicely. So I now appear to be being ostracised from the group by her for attempting to be nice? I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

what exotic said, have found the same. basically most of new "baby frends" have not stayed the distance! I am sad about it, but c'est la vie non?

I now see less people, but focus more on my real mates. I do feel a bit sad for DS re playdates, but they are happy as larry anway

VERY common theme on here, you are not alone

This is a really interesting thread! I too have also found it difficult to talk to 'new' people, and end up babbling/rambling/trying too hard! Thinking about it, some of the best friends I've made are the ones I've met in situations, like work, where you sit alongside someone and gradually get to know them, rather than in a 'forced' social situation where I'm doing my best to be friendly.

The advice about not feeling the need to talk all the time or not to laugh unless it's funny is really good - I shall definitely try this next time!

I too have friend issues. I think most people do. I put a lot if it having gone to many schools. I struggle in groups and don't like social situations generally. I hate the small talk and get very nervous about parties. I sound like a right wet weekend but I am actually confident in other respects. I don't have many friends but do have lots of acquaintances. I can also be intolerant of peoples faults - I am trying to teach myself to be forgiving. A few years ago I was friends with a group of women through my partner - basically their wives and girlfriends. It got very nasty and I cam honestly say everyone of them made some nasty remark about one of them to me at one point or another. I hated the situation. Then a few things happened, one was very nasty to me - too dull to go into here and then anothet was sending emails telling people not to invite me to this or that. I just thought I have had it with this school playground shit and see them when I have to - weddings etc. A little part of me hurts when I hear about the nights out and dos days but then I remember what a bunch of disingenuous cows they are. They had the cheek to invite me to their annual Christmas dinner. Like I should feel honoured. I told them I would rather not. I don't spend time on people like this anymore.

Wow, everyone, so many insightful comments.

Sockpuppet - my NCT group are the women (and partners) who attended 8 weeks of 3 hr ante-natal / parenting classes run by the NCT with me. We paid (a lot!) and went because we have no experience of children and we had just moved to a new area so it seemed a good way to meet people, who were also in our "impending baby" situation. After the classes finished, we used to meet virtually every Thursday and do days out and stuff. I enjoyed it but it could be draining as we were strangers to each other initially.

Hexagonal, I was interested in your comment "a friend won't do things that annoy me or won't think badly of me for what I expect from them as they will expect the same back." On my other thread, I said something stupid to a friend and I have not been in contact with her since. If you don't mind me asking, how forgiving are you? Do you give friends a few chances or is it 1 strike, you're out?

People have talked about "real" friends, friends and acquaintances...but how do you tell them apart? Is it time served or instant connection or what? If you keep pursuing a friendship with an acquaintance, will it eventually turn into a "real" friendship?

The comments about being part of a group are interesting as well - I have never thought about that before. I do like being part of an NCT group - it was good to talk to several different people at once, rather than just being 1-on-1 and it felt more like a work situation, where you're in a team. But it's interesting that I've never thought about the difference between relating to someone individually and as part of the group.

OAM, that would all depend on the person and the type of friendship I have with them. I tend to be less tolerant of 'new' friends especially if they say or do something horrible more than once. If my best friend of 20 years said something horrible or that came out the wrong way (which to be fair she never really has done anyway) I would be far more tolerant of that than someone that I had just met, for example, on the school run, who came out with lots of thoughtless comments and didn't want a balanced conversation.

I do tend too to be quite choosy of who I am friends with these days and I'd say my very closest friends are all on the same wavelength as me so we are able to be honest with each other without offending.