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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re MIL's attitude to bumbos

38 replies

GavisconJunkie · 01/04/2012 15:52

Ok, I know that some love them & some hate them. I personally don't like them, I think they're overpriced, a little pointless & quite dangerous.

MIL was wetting herself to buy one for dd when she was 2months old (second hand at least) but I firmly said no as a close friend of mine's little boy fell out of one, on the floor & cut his eye on a toy. We were both there & still don't quite know how he managed it.

She seemed to accept this at the time. Turns out she bought it anyway & brought it out for her dd's little girl (6months) when they stayed last week. Fine, but I happened to be chatting with DSIL on Wednesday & she (a paediatric nurse) was saying how she hates them, uses a playnest at home, has seen lots of accidents with them etc. She went home yesterday.

At MIL's today & I saw it sitting under the table. I queried & she said she used it when sil wasn't around to 'mither' as it meant she could leave baby and get on. I pointed out that you weren't meant to leave them unattended in them, even on the floor & that as my dn was quite mobile & there is no tray, was likely to be leaning for toys etc. She laughed and remarked that she did come back in the room just as she was about to topple (ha bloody ha).

It's not my place to bang on at her, her view is that they wouldn't be so popular if they were dangerous in any way. I pointed out that it says on it not to leave them unattended etc. SIL is coming back in a fortnight after my dc2 is born (41 bloody weeks ATM!) so the same is likely to happen.

I don't want to be a snitch, but I think I should tell her. I think in the whirl of giving birth etc I may forget to tell her then. My fear is if I tell her now, it'll stir something up between her & her DM. Also as my mil is our only childcare option for when I'm in hospital, I'm loathe to piss her off!

AIBU to speak to sil about it now? Should I mind my own business & stop fussing over a widely used seat? Also, should I worry about what she does/will do with my dcs behind my back!!?

OP posts:
Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 01/04/2012 15:52

Long, sorry!

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 01/04/2012 16:31

If your SIL hadn't told you how much she hates them or how she's forever seeing children who have had accidents in them and your MIL hadn't mentioned that she leaves DGD unattended in it, then I'd have said say nothing.

However, if SIL feels that strongly about them and MIL is still using it, then I'd mention it to SIL.

Just because something is popular, it doesn't make it safe, especially when it's not being used or done properly!

vegetariandumpling · 01/04/2012 17:55

what is a bumbo?

Cherriesarelovely · 01/04/2012 18:02

I hate situations like this, so awkward BUT it would be absolutely dreadful if anything did happen to DGD because of the BUMBO. I've never had one but saw them about when DD was little. I think you would actually feel worse if you said nothing to your SIL. It is rather wreckless of your MIL to laugh and joke about "coming back into the room before she topples over", that makes me feel queasy with worry actually, I would be thinking "Is she joking or not?"

vegetariandumpling · 01/04/2012 18:06

Have googled it now. Why is she so keen on them? it looks a bit like a potty tbh Confused

Mishy1234 · 01/04/2012 18:07

I would have to say something. If your DN did have an accident, you would feel terrible if you didn't.

Bumbos are dangerous imo. I bought one for DS1 and got rid of it shortly afterwards as he looked so uncomfortable in it.

IAmBooyhoo · 01/04/2012 18:11

i would say something TBH just for the fact that MIL is leaving the baby alone when in teh bumbo. i think your Dsil should know.

LydiaWickham · 01/04/2012 18:11

Tell your SIL. Your MIL knows that her DD doesn't want her using it, she knows it's dangerous to leave DCs in them unattended, she's been told of accidents that her DD and DIL have witnessed, yet she's still putting her DGD for her own convience.

If this then puts your SIL in a childcare crunch (as she obviously can't trust her own mother to look after her DD) then I'd offer to help out.

NeedlesCuties · 01/04/2012 18:13

I never had one for DS as I couldn't get my head around the fact that it cost £30 Confused but a friend had one for her DC and swore by them.

I think if I were your SIL I'd want to be told. If your DN did fall out and get a cut you'd feel bad for not saying anything.

Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 01/04/2012 19:02

Thanks. I'll ask DSIL not to make a big deal until after my baby is born though :o. I know she'll be furious & mil has form for never taking ANY responsibility for her own actions. We need a sitter!

At least my dd is 2.3 & loves nothing more than telling tales, especially on nanny it seems. I'll phone sil for a chat.

OP posts:
MessNessPess · 01/04/2012 19:05

OP can you not sneak it into a bag when mil isn't looking and hide it in your loft? :o

ANTagony · 01/04/2012 19:08

I'd borrow it of MIL for a while and accidentally forget where you've put it. Pregnancy brain terrible thing and all.

MixedClassBaby · 01/04/2012 19:29

I'd say nothing. The likelihood of an accident is small and you could cause an argument. Plus you'd look like a snitch. Sounds like MIL does a lot for you and SIL and I think you sometimes have to take the rough with the smooth. It's only a bumbo!

Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 01/04/2012 19:41

Ha! MixedClassBaby, MIL certainly does NOT do a lot for me or that particular SIL as it happens. It's best if I don't start on that particular rant. She is having DD when I go into hospital because she was ashamed to find out my own DM was planning on coming over (by aeroplane) for three weeks to be here as she was hanging back on actually offering. As it happens, my DD would've preferred that as she knows and likes Granny (who lives 500 miles away) much better than Nanny (who is retired and lives 1.5 miles away). The SIL in question lives in London (where they're all originally from) and only sees MIL if she travels down here by train herself.

Ooh, well, that's given some context to the tense relationship I don't want to upset.

OP posts:
Heswall · 01/04/2012 19:46

Definitely try and bin the bloody thing, if you're only 1.5 miles away pop around and when she's out the room sneak it into your car.

MixedClassBaby · 01/04/2012 21:11

Well, sounds like the bumbo is the thin end of the wedge then! I'd still say nothing. My mother is a lot like your MIL sounds and I'm also heavily pg. I've had to resist the urge to bite at things I usually take a deep breath over just lately so maybe I'm projecting my fears of rocking the boat with my own DM onto you. I'm conscious of how intolerant I am at the moment and think you might look back in a few weeks time and wonder why you got so wound up about a bumbo.

MixedClassBaby · 01/04/2012 21:14

And if your feelings towards your MIL are really rooted elsewhere then they're probably better dealt with when you're less hormonally charged.

ChaoticAngel · 01/04/2012 21:26

I had to google to find out what one was, I don't remember them been around when my two were little Confused

Like a pp said if I was your SIL I'd want to know. I was pretty relaxed about most things but if it was something I felt strongly about I'd be pissed off if my wishes were being ignored. I'd be even more pissed off if something did happen and nobody had told me.

BananasInBloomers · 01/04/2012 21:37

I'd be livid if someone put my baby in a bumbo. I think you should tell your SIL.

hellsbells76 · 01/04/2012 21:47

Horrible bloody things. Forcing a baby to sit upright before it's ready, putting all that strain on its back, not to mention the safety risks. Ugh. I'd chuck it in her wheelie bin when she's not looking.

ReallyTired · 01/04/2012 21:50

Dd had a bumbo and loved it. I used to sit her in the bumbo while I hung out the washing. Bumbos are dangerous if you put them on a table and you shouldn't leave the baby unattended.

If bumbos were so dangerous then there would be big warnings from health professionals about them. Ie. Health visitors tell you not to use baby walkers.

If your SIL wants free babycare then I think she has to allow her MIL to parent as she sees fit.

skybluepearl · 01/04/2012 22:01

i think a baby could have a very serious head injury if they toppled on to a ceramic or stone floor.

skybluepearl · 01/04/2012 22:01

tell your SIL, I would anyway

ReallyTired · 01/04/2012 22:11

If the bumbo is on the floor then the baby wouldn't have far to fall.

The problem with bumbos is that they are often misused. They are not supposed to be used as a baby trapping device. Using the bumbo as a baby trapping device will slow baby's development. Even at the sitting with support stage babie should not be in a bumbo for long. Tummy time is a better way of building up tummy and neck muscles.

You aren't meant to use them once the baby is mobile. They are designed for babies who CAN sit up with support. Once a baby can sit without support for 10 minutes then the bumbo is redunant. When dd got to 6 months we stopped using the bumbo and I used to sit her on a rug with toys while I hung out the washing.

Having a baby who would sit serenely while I hung out the washing did not last long as she discovered crawling.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 01/04/2012 22:14

some health professionals HATE them. speak to physios/chiros etc, they'll all tell you that they're not good for wee backs.