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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think teachers form opinion of pupil based on older siblings

63 replies

whattodonow1 · 31/03/2012 22:25

just my older brother used to skive school, get caught smoking, do no homework. When I jóined the school 3 years later I always felt the teachers had a negative perception of me even though I was completely different.

OP posts:

Error · 31/03/2012 22:27

Sad but true
the youngest of 3 siblings

bakingno4 · 31/03/2012 22:29

I think yabu, as a trainee teacher I have never done this, each child is different, and also as a mother of four children I have often been advised by my children's teachers not to compare them as each child is unique and develops / behaves in different ways and has their own personality!!!

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2012 22:31

No, I've never found this and yet I'm the youngest of five.

I did used to get sick to the back teeth of teachers calling me by my sister's name though

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 31/03/2012 22:40

Several teachers and TAs at my DCs school comment on how different my sons are to each other (they're in Yr 2 and reception now, but also went to the nursery) but none of them ever mention DD (she's in yr 5).
They always seem to be very surprised that the boys aren't more alike, so there could be something in what you say, and they expect a younger sibling to be like the older one.
It's just as well there are no staff left who remember my pfb and no2 son now I come to think about it!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 31/03/2012 22:42

I've not done this. I have taught enough siblings to know that it is not a sensible assumption to make! I will admit to the sister's name thing though, has happened on occasion. And I'm hopeless with twins. Sorry!

faeriefruitcake · 31/03/2012 22:42

I don't and never have. My sibling and I are so different so why would anybody else's be the same.

In fact I deliberatly try not to make family associations and never assume because a name is the same the students are related.

IShallWearMidnight · 31/03/2012 22:43

Dd3 was put in sets in Y3 based on how DD2 had done in her Y6 SATS the previous term Took a few weeks to sort that one out...

lisaro · 31/03/2012 22:43

Ha ha, yes they did when I was young.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 31/03/2012 22:44

No. My brother is younger than me but I was always compared to him (absolute genius in maths, science and computing).

jodidi · 31/03/2012 22:47

My sister hated being known as my sister, she felt she had too much to live up to :o

As a teacher now myself I don't form any expectations based on older siblings. Sometimes they are similar, sometimes they are not. I suppose I know a little bit about the family background, like whether the parents are supportive or not, but that's about as far as it goes.

Cherriesarelovely · 31/03/2012 22:54

Not in my experience of being the youngest of 3 children or of being a teacher.

Bangtastic · 31/03/2012 22:57

YANBU. I am the youngest of 7, and we all went to the same infant/junior school, and all girls the same senior school. My sister who is just older than me was an absolute horror at school, and because I came along not long after, it took a while for them to realise I wasn't like her! I was met with a few "oh god, not another one of them lot!" eye rolls on my first day though.

NotMostPeople · 31/03/2012 22:59

Primary school tea hers have commented on how alike dd1 and dd2 are, tbh dd2 is more academic than dd1. Then the next year they get DS who couldn't be more different and I get 'ooh he's very different from his sisters'. Surely if the younger sibling is different the teacher picks this up fairly quickly?

veritythebrave · 31/03/2012 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled · 31/03/2012 23:01

I'm the youngest of 4 and I used to get this. I hated it. When I started at secondary school, I remember a teaching calling the register, asking if I was X's sister and then exclaiming 'Oooh goody, I've got a little in my class!'. I didn't know anyone else in that class and I was mortified.

Now I teach and I make damn sure not to do it! Occasionally I'll ask the child how their brother/sister is doing and I usually get a look of surprise because they didn't think I knew they were related.

IloveJudgeJudy · 31/03/2012 23:08

Yes. I definitely think some teachers do do this. It's always the ones who aren't very good, of course.

One teacher in primary definitely held DS1's behaviour in Y6 against DS2's in Y4. (Teacher had moved down from teachng Y6 to Y4).

RightFedUp · 31/03/2012 23:12

Teacher. Yes we do - initially. Sorry.

workshy · 31/03/2012 23:16

teacher went up to DD2 last year and said -ooo if you work hard you could be as good as your sister!

I was livid!

flyingspaghettimonster · 01/04/2012 06:18

I compare my kids with each other all the time so I expect the teachers will too. The boys are very similar looking so people seem to expect similar personalities. Luckily their goodie two shoes big sister has given them an easy path...

I know my younger siblings really resented being known as my little sisters and constantly asked about how I was doing. Sister 1 was unlucky enough to be 5 years behind so she got my form tutor and year group dept. Staff so after 5 years of me they were naturally going to compare us.

Born2BRiiiled · 01/04/2012 06:24

I really, really don't do this. I don't mention siblings at all, unless they do. The only time I might think about a sibling is when there have been 6 older ones who have all been badly behaved. I might wonder if number 7 is similar, but would never let on.

Glittertwins · 01/04/2012 06:27

Happened to my brother who is 2 years younger than. He is nothing like me personality wise either and they just didn't really notice he was there either as he was so quiet.

nooka · 01/04/2012 06:38

I'm the youngest of four and at primary can remember being called my eldest sister's name when I wasn't very good, and my middle sisters name when I was. My parents sent us all to separate secondary schools.

My children are only an academic year apart and this year have both got teachers who have recently taught the other sibling. I think at dd's parents evening we spent more time talking about ds (we were there for about 45mins though). It's never been a problem though (as far as we are aware).

CuriosityCola · 01/04/2012 06:49

Yanbu to a certain extent. I know from experience that siblings can be completely different (including twins I had in the same class). However, I liked knowing if students were related. It allowed me to keep a closer eye on them, from a pastoral point of view, if there was a history of family problems.

TroublesomeEx · 01/04/2012 07:01

Like CuriosityCola, I like to know if pupils are related. It gives you a fuller picture of the child's background.

I've never assumed a child was going to be like their siblings though. I've got a brother (and I imagine most teachers have family ) so I think we 'get it' that siblings are different.

Flightty · 01/04/2012 07:42

I don't know, I think they form opinions in different ways but sometimes, I feel, in response to the parent/s rather than the siblings.

So maybe the teachers knew our parents and assumed you would be a certain way because of their character, rather than your brother's. (not to cast aspersions on your parents!!!)

I say this because my kids are very different, and so far I don't see any evidence that the teachers have pre-judged my younger one because of his brother.

They seem delighted at how different he is actually

Poor ds1 is a bit chaotic and took a while to write things forwards. He's brilliant in other ways but struggled with mild dyslexic tendencies and concentration.
Ds2 is shaping up to be the Fotherington Thomas 'Perfect Peter' of the family, and is already writing his name at 4...God help us...again, poor ds1.

I do think however that they have taken a screenshot of my attitude on attendance, uniform and Saying What I Think and will use this steadfastly against both of them.

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