To bf DS in our bed?

[Roastbeefandyorkshires]

Ds is 8 months old and is ebf. I tend to feed him 2-3 per night and usually do this whilst lying down and trying to sleep. He is due to move into his own room tonight having slept in a cot in our room since he was born. DH thinks I should feed him in his nursery so as not to disturb ds's sleep. As ds falls straight back to sleep after a feed this seems unlikely to be a problem. I 'm annoyed that I'll be the one who will be fully AWAKE 2-3 a night whilst DH sleep is undisturbed. I go back to work 3 days a wk from next month so need some sort of routine/plan with feeds. I'd like to continue feeding ds in our bed and for DH to help by bringing ds to our bed (on occasion)when he wakes. What do others do?
Sleep deprived so not sure what is reasonable!

I bfed ds2 in bed and coslept and do same with dd who's 5 months. Cot is by bed, sometimes she sleeps in it. When he's older I'll put her in cotbed then combert it to bed, all in our bedroom.

Dh sleeps elsewhere works brilliantly for all of us. But it's up to your family male up. Ds2 cosleeps often still so I am currently posting this on iPhone with ds2 asleep one side and dd nursing asleep the other.

YANBU
DD2 was always fed in bed if she woke at night.
She was at school before she stopped coming in if I'll or scared.

well tbh I would think that it would be easier for DH to settle baby as he will not have milk to smell

Long time since I BF so mebbe ignore me

Sorry meant to add YANBU

I can see the pros for feeding him in his own room as the carrying might disturb him but I don't see why you should have all the sleeplessness and not DH! When I was a baby my mum had a single bed for herself in my room so she could feed me in bed lying down and fall asleep there between feeds if she wanted. I just cosleep and avoid the problem all together, when DS got really good at bf I didn't have to wake up at all!

Personally, I don't see why DH should bring DS to you when he wakes but that's simply because I think if one of you can get some sleep then you should, rather than if one is awake then why shouldn't the other be awake too? (I'm very much of the mind that everything should be equal where possible, but I also don't see the point of doing something just for the sake of it)

It might be worth giving it a go with BF DS in his room, once DD moved into her own bedroom then all night feeds took place in there as well rather than moving her from one room to another and back again.

By 2-3 do you mean 2am-3am or 2-3 times a night? If DS isn't ready to night wean yet, then is it possible to wait until he's dropped his night feeds to move him?

You have two options

Option 1: DH sleeps elsewhere and you and DS cosleep in your bedroom like MamaMaisaura suggests

Option 2: Spare bed in nursery, feed and sleep in spare bed, if you wake up at some later point you can always transfer DS into cot until next feed and choose to either go into bed with DH or stay and sleep in spare bed.

Thanks mamamaiasaura
DH was sleeping in the spare room up until 1 month ago and can honestly say it made things a lot easier we both agreed though that ds should move to his own room before I go back to work

You're doing the feeding, so you get to decide what works best for you and the baby. DH can butt out. YANBU.

YANBU. We kept both of our babies in a cot beside the bed until the were a year old-ish, so that I could feed in bed. Why make more work for yourself?

flisspaps
Unfortunately he wakes 2 to 3 time a night

I second dearprudence entirely. YANBU.

Keep him in your room while he still wakes.. forget what you agreed, if you're going back to work you want your sleep disturbed as little as poss. Imagine being fully awake 2-3 times a night...been there and that is not what you need at all. You'll be knackered enough anyway.

YA absolutely NBU x

You might find he sleeps through or at least wakes less when you move him... but, there is no way I would move a baby who was still feeding in the night so frequently, it just seems like so much hassle. May I ask why you are moving him? TBH I would just night wean, But I know that isn't a very MN attitude

sorry posted too soon. I would night wean but if I was going to keep feeding in the night I would co-sleep or at least keep the cot right next to the bed.

If he still wakes 2-3 times a night is it really the right time to move him into his own room ?? We put ds in his own bed when he started sleeping through, made sense to do it then but not before.

Unless you're going to co-sleep then I see your DH's point, going along the same lines as Fliss described. I just don't see the point in both of you being sleep deprived just so you're equal. My opinion would change radically if DH could get up and feed DS without waking you at all, but obviously unless you're planning to stop bf soon, that won't happen (at least without co-sleeping).

In your situation, I would either keep DS in your room for a while (specifically until you settle into a work/sleep routine) or go into his room to do the feeds. I don't think changing rooms in the middle of the night is a particularly smart way to go in the longer term anyway anyway (although this will be more so if you have poor sleepers).

I did the night time breast feeds in bed as it was too bloody cold to do it elsewhere!

I do think that going back to work is a big thing and you need to do whatever will enable you to get the most sleep.

dialsmavis good question re why we plan to move him out of our room. Part of me hopes that he'll wake up less for feeds. Wishful thinking I know. Perhaps he should stay with us until he's sleeping better

Until last week, DS shared the bed with DP and I.

It helps that we have a kingsize. Also DS doesn't sleep between DP and I, he sleeps on between me and the wall. This is so that he doesn't disturb DP so much in the night.

When DS was in the middle of us, it just didn't work with DP being disturbed too. Now there are no arguments about who it is who needs a chance to catch up on some sleep!

If you are moving him to his own room in the hope he will sleep better you have to atleast give it a go with feeding him and settling him back in his own room, if not then whats the point and just keep on with cosleeping, I dont see the point in dh getting up just to bring ds to you

The reason we've moved him into his own room btw is that he drop down to waking up once a night. I just couldn't face the constant waking to go to DS's room before.

Now we've moved him into his room he has fairly quickly dropped that one night feed. he does come wake us up at 6am now though, which is a new thing! (Used to sleep till 8ish in our bed, oh well!)

Please give feeding him in the nursery a shot. This is exactly what we did with DS at the same age, and he was waking more frequently. As soon as he went in his own room, the frequency dropped dramatically and he now wakes just once, at 4.30am - 5am. If I'd taken him back to our bed to feed lying down, I'd just have fallen asleep again and he'd still be expecting to fall asleep while nursing himself.

I actually feed him while he's standing now to make sure he doesn't fall asleep before he's back in the cot. It seemed like the gentlest way to discourage night feeds, and it's worked.

It might not work for you of course, but worth a try?

My DS slept through from the day we moved him into his own room, so it is definitely worth a go! But, there is no way i would be schlepping back and forth across the landing numerous times in the night then getting up for work the next day if it didn't work...

Good luck whatever you decide.

FWIW I did have to night wean DD as she slept through freakishly early, then regressed until she was feeding all night and not in the day, it took 3 nights and involved no actual proper crying on her part or mine. I think I was quite lucky though.

I shall give feeding in his room a go tonight and then play it by ear.
Thanks for all the advice- so difficult to think rationally when seriously lacking sleep