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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How long...

25 replies

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 14:28

I am just wondering how late you leave your (very sensible) daughters home alone for in the evenings?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 31/03/2012 14:29

How old?

MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 14:30

Yes... how old? And does she have a boyfriend? You always have to watch the sensible ones.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 14:35

Sorry, she's 14, no boyfriend (yet!)

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 31/03/2012 14:37

I was baby-sitting for a neighbour with 4 kids over night at that age and bearing in mind she can leave home in 2 years time she should be fine to leave for an evening .

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 14:40

I was babysitting until late at night at 14 as well but it is a little bit different now that it's my own daughter!Can't decide if I'm being a bit precious or feeling guilty!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 31/03/2012 14:41

Precious, seriously Wink

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 14:42

Thanks for that - needed a bit of reassurance (reality check!!)

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 31/03/2012 14:44

I wouldnt worry too much about what time I got home, so much as how far away or how drunk I was, I probably wouldnt go too far away as in visiting friends who live an hour way etc and I prob wouldn't get completely pissed so that I couldn't get home and sort any problems out should they happen but that's just me.

MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 14:45

Hmmm... I teach that age and some of the things I hear from sensible 14 year olds make even me feel shocked.

Sorry. Couldn't resist. I think (but am not sure) that 14 is way past the age to legally be left alone for periods of time and it used to be fine to babysit from around 12 (but is probably 16 or 14 now a-days). I certainly used to babysit for others when I was 14... however when my parents went out they'd still get a babysitter (I have a brother 3 years younger and a sister much, much younger) so there is another conflicting message for you.

As will probably be repeated over and over on here she is your daughter and you know her better than any of us. In this age of communication you don't have to panic about looking up the payphone number for just outside the restaurant along with the restaurant's number just in case and leave 20 other similar numbers with her and then panic about what will happen when you are travelling.

If she is sensible, knows what to do, isn't being expected to cook while you are out (although we used to do that without issue when we were 14) and keeps the doors locked then... but I look at my 10 year old boy who is ultra sensible and worry. Ah he'd be fine when he is older. Worst we'd find is he'd still be on the Wii when we got home and he'd just say "oh, sorry, I didn't have my watch on".

um... I'll shut up now. That probably hasn't helped.

You sure about the lack of boyfriend?

I'll shut up. Shutting up.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 14:47

I know what you mean I teach kids that age as well, some of the things I hear make my hair curl!A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing!!

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 14:53

Oh yes. But what is often fun and sweet is hearing some of those things being used by the sweet and innocent ones out of context trying to fit in but only highlighting how lovely they are by their ineptness in that particular area... or the sensible ones who really do know what is being talked about, have very open parents and who are laughing at and teasing the so called experienced ones and highlighting their ineptness whilst not showing the blindest bit of interest in doing anything except being sensible until they are older.

MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 14:56

And in all seriousness a sensible 14 year old is fine on her own. To get horribly serious for the moment think of those much, much younger kids who have to look after younger siblings, cook the dinner and put them to bed before parents get home and cope. They are not your well rounded and sensible types and they manage (they shouldn't have to but they can). You're just after an evening out. it will be fine and probably beneficial for you and DD.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 15:02

I know what you mean. It's heartbreaking when you know just how much some children are expected to do at home and that they are not being able to be children. I often feel guilty about the hours I work but at least my daughter is having a childhood.

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 15:04

Exactly. And at 14 it will be nice for her to feel trusted and be gradually eased into what will be expected of her in the next few years rather than thrown into it. Plus she will see you relax because of it etc.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 15:10

It's a trip to the theatre with my 6th form and it's at a theatre about 100 miles away from home so I couldn't get back quickly in an emergency.I'm lucky that my nextdoor neighbours are also 2 of my closest friends and would check on her she has grown up with them and would feel ok about knocking the door/ringing them if she needed to. Again the guilt about spending time with other people's kids and not my own. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with "other people's kids" (on the whole!!).

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 15:17

Shhh. It will be fine. Do this one and then next month/week have a night out too.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 15:21

Thanks, you've made me feel a bit better. I need to get over myself!!

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 15:23

Perfectly normal reaction. I've got it to come!

AgentZigzag · 31/03/2012 15:26

Great thread Grin

Everything is a-l-r-i-g-h-t Grin

Even I'm feeling reassured.

Birdsgottafly · 31/03/2012 15:34

I leave my 16 and 14 year old alone over night.

My 14 year old would be fine, on her own, i usually get home by about 2 am, i have family close that can get to the house if there is any trouble.

My DD's can be trusted and are sensible/mature. It is other people that i worry about, but because there is family/neighbours that i can rely on, i am happy.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 17:40

I thought I'd be flamed for saying about leaving her when I was so far away so the fact that everyone has basically told me to suck it up is even more reasssuring!

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 17:46

To be fair it is still early in the evolution of this thread. It is normally on the second page where a bunch of folks come in and flame away for about 2 pages before a bunch of sensible folks return to counter them. Then on about the 6th page you get a fresh batch of sensible people repeating everything that was said on the first page because they haven't read everything since the thread was too long.

AgentZigzag · 31/03/2012 17:48

Grin at MNH

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 17:48

I wait with baited breath!!

OP posts:
LeQueen · 31/03/2012 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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