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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not reply?

45 replies

puds11 · 31/03/2012 13:30

A friend of mine from back home has contacted my sister via facebook to ask her to ask me if said friend and her family can come stay at my house Hmm.
The friend in question has not spoken to me for nearly year despite my attempts to get in touch with her, she also ignored my daughters bday, when we had driven 2 hours up north for her childrens bdays and bought them presents etc. She didnt even send a text!
I just feel like she has completely ignored me for a year, and now has decided she wants to see me, but cant even call me to ask! Im not entirely sure i have anything to say to her anymore. This does make me very sad, but would i bu to not reply through my sister and leave it to see if she actually calls me instead?

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 17:35

The blame with whom though? And I'm sure if your sister is tough enough to up sticks to Oz she will have broad enough shoulders and thick enough skin to take the blame if you explain the situation to her. After all she simply has to reply "I forgot" over and over and the lady in question has your number so whose fault is it really?

I understand. I really do. I have so many friends for whom I have to instigate the contact with every time and yet we get the blame for not keeping in touch. Some people are just gits. End of. You are best shot of or if not she at least needs to learn a lesson.

Is her hubbie texting you at the moment too and avoiding discussing this or has that dried up as well?

Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 17:40

he only texts me if i text him first. I have mentiond to him before that i was texting him to ask something because friend wasnt replying thinking he might tell her to reply, but i dont know if he did.
Arrgh this is starting to stress me out. My DP says he doesnt want them to come because they have ignored us for so long. I think i have to agree. I just dont like the end of friendships, i always worry i'll end up with no friends

OP posts:
toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 31/03/2012 17:44

Well PhDs, if she is treating you like that, then she isn't a real,proper tru friend anyway is she? Better to have a few, but good, friends than lots of shitey user ones. Sounds like she is no loss.

I like MNHubbies comment about "aren't you the one who ..... " although he should really be folding washing and making his lovely arsed wife a nice cuppa Wink I am going to file that response away for future ref.....

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 31/03/2012 17:45

Phd wtf? puds sorry!! iPad fail.

AgentZigzag · 31/03/2012 17:46

Not ending up with any friends is something your friend should be worrying about OP, not you.

Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 17:51

yeah i just seem to attract flakey people who arnt very good friends. I dont have any friends from school or growing up and just worry that i dont have anyone who has always known me like everyone else seems to have. I think i do keep in touch with people who arnt really worth it because of this

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 17:53

We're all with you on this. Ignore or ditch her unless she mans up, winds her neck in and has a pretty damned good reason for all the crap she has dumped on you.

If it is stressing you then it should tell you something. With a situation like this there are only two effective options: Deal with it. Call her and talk. Be tough and move on. Not a favoured option for me. The thought of it makes me get a little panicky to be honest.

or

Ignore it and keep ignoring it.

I like that option.

Do not, ever, do the potential option of give in. The stress will never go away if you do that.

She has chosen to no longer be your friend and frankly putting someone up is a big ask and one that should be done properly. She has failed to follow normal social conventions and thus her request is not valid nor has been submitted via appropriate channels. You should therefore ignore it and move on.

MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 17:54

Hey Puds I'm with you on that!

I've got 1 friend from school left (as has my DP), 2 from Uni and the rest are from the workplace or started online.

Quality over quantity.

Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 17:56

thanks MNhubbie i hadnt even thought about the lack of common decency with regards to asking to stay at my house. that should have been the deal breaker! i live in a small 2 bed, and there would be 4 of them, and she didnt ask me herself! oooh now im Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 17:58

also a good point hubbie whats the point in useless friends anyway! i think im just easily used Sad

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 18:01

No you are just nice. There is a difference. Keep being nice but do get angry after about this one.

MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 18:02

After? I meant about...

Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 18:04

i think i am just going to cut my losses here and focus on more fruitfull friendships! thanks for all the advice i really appreciate it Smile
time to make some new friends Grin

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 18:07

Huzzah! Onwards and upwards!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 31/03/2012 18:09

Yay puds go girl !! Smile

I think we deserve a Wine all round for a MN job well done!

MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 18:15
Wine
Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 18:16

hurray Wine or Brew if you'd prefer, on me!
thanks guys
ps. i will update if there is anything worth updating

OP posts:
MNHubbie · 31/03/2012 18:18

Brew a cuppa redbush would be lovely thanks.

Original poster
puds11 · 31/03/2012 18:20

on its way! would you like a Biscuit?

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 31/03/2012 19:19

I read your statement
"I just know that i'll be the one to get the blame for the ending of the friendship because she contacted me and i didnt reply" and immediatly though but she didn't contact you she contacted your sister -in an other continent

let it slide

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