to "forget" a friends birthday?

[ameliagrey]

I feel a bit mean even asking but I have a very old friend who lives overseas. we used to be very close but have drifted apart a bit and see each other maybe once every 2-3 years when she is in the UK.

I always send her a birthday card and post it early etc so she gets it- can't not really, as her birthday is same day as one of my DCs- but for a few years now she has forgotten mine, even though she has a relative with a b'day near mine- and the most I get is a belated message on FB if I'm lucky.

I find it a bit hurtful as she has gone from phoning me on my b'day years back, to now forgetting it altogether.

Oh shit - if you are my best friend who is godmother to my son then I am really really sorry I forgot your birthday last week. I do feel awful. But I'vr already got you a fabulous wedding present for June!

Also - sending cards is quite a british thing and I can never find any I like here. I tend to stock up in the UK, but my stock is currently empty.

It's also tough to remember when youre that far out of a situation - no common aquaintances etc. The annual signals aren't there iyswim.

I never remember any of my friend's birthdays, ever. They have learnt not to remember mine back which is a good thing.

YAB a bit U. Dont worry about sending a card, just a quick 'Happy Birthday' on facebook will suffice, you are the better person because you do remember.

I shouldn't imagine that she deliberately ignores your birthday, she probably does just genuinely forget, some people are a bit thoughtless with things like birthdays. No point in retaliating, it won't make you feel better about it.

'They have learnt not to remember mine back'

Love that, very subtle reasoning

Amelia, it's lovely of you to send a card every year.

I have got a friend who does this to for me every year as well. She lives in the USA now.

We were best friends for a few years at primary school. She is absolutely lovely.

Now we have hardly anything in common. She is highly sociable, has no children, works in a high powered industry and is still lovely but I have NO idea what to say to her.

I do send her a card but her address changes a lot and I never know if she is in the states or over here. Last time I sent her a card I think it went to the wrong place. I find this really worrying, I don't want her to think I don't like her because I do, it's just something I don't really feel the point of any more. We have not met up since we were fourteen.

I would like to let it drift, yes I think of her fondly but somehow this card business feels so, well, meaningless now. I don't know her.

Don't be offended by your friend. Just stop sending the cards and say Happy Birthday on FB, take the pressure off. I'm sure she would like to stay friends with you but maybe it's more theoretical than practical, now? I don't know.

I hope my lovely friend knows how great I think she is, but I just am not organised in the same way she is...I'm not the same person I was when I was little. It makes me so sad.

Send her an e-card.

Oh and our birthdays are a day apart. She always makes sure my card gets here a few days early while I have no idea where even to send hers...by the time I have done so I usually find the envelope from mine has got a different, new address on it. Gahhhhh. And you have to go to the PO to send it and that's maybe something she enjoys but I don't find the time so easily with two children.

It's not her fault. But I just can't sustain it any more.