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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really upset with DH about this

24 replies

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:06

I had my daughter in June last year and my return to work date is looming ever nearer and my PT request has been turned down. I currently work 45 minutes away from work and, with DH also working an hour away we decided to buy a house closer thinking this would at least buy some time with DD and compensate for being FT. Since we can't sell our present property we're on a very tight budget but found two houses we could move into - one a two bedroomed bungalow belonging to an elderly couple wanting to move closer to their children and grandchildren and one a three bedroomed Victorian terrace. Both houses needed work but had a nice garden, parking and we liked both a lot. The bungalow was slightly cheaper than the other house but in a quiet village - the house was slightly more in town, but I did like the extra bedroom for a future potential DS/DD.

When we bought our present property we only put an offer in on this one and so I believed my DH when he insisted that we should put offers in on both properties. Both were accepted, and then DH left it to me to call the estate agents and withdraw our offer of the bungalow. I know it was legal but I feel terrible about it, especially as the man at the estate agents sounded pretty pissed off with me. I just feel we raised the hopes of the elderly couple then smashed them again and I feel like absolute scum.

I honestly would not have done such a thing and I feel really angry with DH for being so inconsiderate. Is it the done thing or not?

OP posts:

TattyDevine · 30/03/2012 20:09

Why did you go along with it, then do as you were told and withdraw the offer, then?

Kayano · 30/03/2012 20:10

Well you both put the offer in so you can't be pissed at DH

I mean - ignorance is a pretty lame excuse when you are an adult buying a property...

Poor old couple

You are both UR

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:10

DH seemed to think it was just what everybody did when buying a property and was 'normal' behaviour, if you see what I mean.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:11

Ah well, I feel worse now :(

OP posts:

complexnumber · 30/03/2012 20:11

"especially as the man at the estate agents sounded pretty pissed off with me"

Do you really feel that the estate agent was truly hurt, or maybe he missed a bonus?

pinkappleby · 30/03/2012 20:11

Not overly experienced but sometimes Phil and Kirsty do it!! Normally with really low offers so they expect two nos. Personally I would not do it and don't think many people would. Often when we've put offers in we get a yes or no within a few hours so we know whether to offer on something else and if people were taking a long time coming back you could reasonably say that you were going to offer on something else too as they were taking a while and then they know where they stand.

Also if your DH placed the offers he should also remove one.

MrsKittyFane · 30/03/2012 20:12

What is the timescale between Making offer and withdrawing offer?

Shakey1500 · 30/03/2012 20:13

I don't know if it's the done thing to put in two offers knowing, if both accepted, one will be withdrawn and I would feel bad also. BUT, as bad as it sounds, it is a business transaction when all's said and done.

We've recently moved, bought a house off an elderly couple. They had a great summerhouse and asked if we'd like to buy it for £500 as part of the purchase. We refused, but there was a devil on my shoulder saying "They'll leave it anyway, there's no way they'll upstick it and they probably won't have room in their new property....". I was right , they left it.

They also asked if we wanted to buy their manky (sorry ex owners but it was!) cooker. Refused that also, and they took it with them

Kayano · 30/03/2012 20:13

Sorry you feel bad but in this financial climate when an old couple are desperate
To move closer to their family and have accepted an offer
(and therefore probably taken it off the market for a while or it's got sold stc on websites making it less appealing to other potential buyers)

It was pretty bad.

pictish · 30/03/2012 20:14

Argh. Well - don't do it again. It's not cool to play with people like that.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:14

Complex - that made me smile :) - no, just that I honestly do hate to mess people around, and yes I suppose I should know more about these things but in fairness I am a primary school teacher; DH is a finance manager for a company so I do trust his judgement. I suppose I am angry at myself really for not saying "no - we are NOT doing that." :(

OP posts:

SlipperyNipple · 30/03/2012 20:15

People do put in offers and withdraw them all the time....I wouldn't sweat it to be honest. It's the estates agents job to make you feel like shit....well they made me feel like shit all the time.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 30/03/2012 20:15

Why did you go along with making the call? Surely if it was the 'done thing' according to your DH then he would have had no problem making the call?!

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:18

He did make the offer(s). It was me who withdrew it.

Thanks Slippery your name made me smile too :)

OP posts:

SlipperyNipple · 30/03/2012 20:18

Gosh people are taking this seriously. If having an offer withdrawn is the worst that happens to that old couple they will be lucky. Or maybe hose buying in east london is more cut throat than other places.

I'm with your husband on this one....although he should have had the balls to phone the estate agent himself.

HellonHeels · 30/03/2012 20:19

The estate agent was only pissed off because he saw his commission disappearing. The process of selling a house is pretty awful and it's not uncommon for buyers to withdraw, sometimes even at the point of exchanging contracts so don't feel bad.

SlipperyNipple · 30/03/2012 20:19

'House buying' that should be!

NiniLegsInTheAir · 30/03/2012 20:20

It's not something I would do but buying a house can be very cutthroat - I wouldn't dwell too much on it at this stage. In future I'd let DH do his own dirty work though!

Buying/selling a house can be a dreadful business - our lovely neighbours tried to sell their house a few years back but their own purchase fell through. They thought so highly of the buyer for their place (she's lovely they told me) that 6 months later when they finally moved they 'held' their house just for her. So-called 'lovely' buyer and her boyfriend moved in and have been nothing but hell ever since, they're horrible. I almost feel like hunting down our old neighbours and inflicting terrible thingds on them

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:20

Thank you :) To be fair to DH, he is at work all day and asked me if I would mind ringing the estate agents and I said that was fine (I am currently on maternity leave.) I wish I'd got him to do it really but that is just wimping out don't hate me I'm NOT a wussy woman, just hate upsetting people!

OP posts:

SlipperyNipple · 30/03/2012 20:24

When we were selling our old place the estate agent said he wanted to do a race with two buyers who were interested...we weren't keen, our solicitor said she didn't like it so we told them to accept the people who offered first.

Behind our back the estate agent kept the 2nd couple strung along thinking we had accepted them until the contracts were exchanged. That was messy. Had the poor guy on my doorstep very upset and there was really nothing I could do. I was furious. Estate agents are the scum of the earth in my experience.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 30/03/2012 20:25

How awful, slippery :( We also got messed around a lot when buying our first property, but somehow feels worse when it's somebody else! :) x

OP posts:

SlipperyNipple · 30/03/2012 20:25

I'm a wuss too at times. It's OK.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 30/03/2012 22:25

That is a really nasty thing to do, OP, I don't care if it "is business". AND you haven't sold your current house, so how will that work then?

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 31/03/2012 00:15

Erm - we'll rent it out?

It wasn't nasty. Thoughtless I will accept, lacking in consideration and selfish, but not nasty. Nasty would have been putting in an offer just for the sake of it and then keeping them dangling for our own sadistic amusement. We aren't like that.

If I really was a nasty person, I wouldn't still be worrying about it, would I?

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