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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have made the formal complaint to the school

22 replies

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 18:37

My DD is 7 and moved to her current school last september, since then it has been one issue after the other.

Firstly, my DD was told she didn't have the correct PE kit (the school had told me that the kit I had sent her with was fine) and told her she wasn't allowed to do PE. Then, she was put back by 5 stages in her reading books. There have been many other minor things that are upsetting her too.

Now we have another reading book issue, last term she had the same school reading book all term as the reading teaacher was off sick and her class teacher "didn't get round to reading with her" in the 2 hours of guided reading they do with her class every week!

I complained to the teacher and the head around 5 times and the issue was only resolved when my OH went down (he is NOT my DD's dad) and spoke to the head again, the matter was finally resolved.

Now, this half term, she has had the same book for 4 weeks now, I've had enough and I don't see why my OH should be expected to go down to the school to sort out my DD's stuff when he is not her father and I am there every morning and every afternoon, unless ill!!

To be perfectly honest, I'm wondering if its sexism. My DD's teacher is male and so is the head and why not deal with the problem with me (the parent)?? Anyway that is off tangent!

I'm annoyed that my DD feels like she is catching up again and is falling behind and not having anyone paying attention to her at school!

AIBU to send this complaint to the govenors??

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 30/03/2012 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 18:53

Thank you stranded the stamp is now on the letter and a copy is being printed off to be sent to the head (along with a couple of changes)!!

OP posts:

HolyCalamityJane · 30/03/2012 18:58

In my experience if the teacher, and HT are useless then no amount of complaining is going to improve their ability to perform. Is moving school an option for you?

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2012 19:00

Hmmm, it's a bit of a stretch to say it's sexism, the male teacher my DD had one year was one of the best ones she's had. Are you just saying that venting or do you really have evidence of it?

They do seem to be making a lot of excuses about her books and things, but you can get your DD to read at home I presume, so no reason for her not to be getting new books for a month, although that does look to be a bit lax on their behalf.

Could it just be this year maybe and when she changes classes in September it'll be different? Or are you getting the feeling it's the whole school?

redskyatnight · 30/03/2012 19:06

Perhaps I've missed it but why don't you deal with the issue yourself? Or do you mean you have tried to speak to teacher/head and they've ignored you but do speak to your OH?

Just a thought on the reading book thing - are you sure she's not meant to change them herself? Do other parents have similar experiences?

MrsMcEnroe · 30/03/2012 19:09

YANBU to be pissed off OP but as redskyatnight said, maybe your DD is meant to tell the teacher when she needs a new reading book? - i.e. she reads it with you at home and then changes it at school .... this is what happens in my DS' class and he is 7 yo (in Y3) too ...

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 19:13

holycalamityjane moving schools isn't an option, unfortunatly! The school she went to last school year was an infant school and the follow on junior school was full and so she was moved to the school local to us, every other school within a 5 mile radius is full for her year as its very oversubscribed :(

agent the only reason I suggested sexism is that things only seem to get done when my OH turns up and says something, I can complain until I'm blue in the face and nothing gets done but he says something once and it gets done ASAP!

I read with her as much as I possibly can (usually every other day) and since xmas I've had to resort to reading her own books! I don't know about the other teachers, I've heard many good things about the year 5 teacher and the year 6 teachers but year 3 (which she is in now) and year 4 I don't know about!

OP posts:

letseatgrandma · 30/03/2012 19:17

since xmas I've had to resort to reading her own books

What's wrong with using the library!?

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 19:17

redsky I've tried on 8 seperate occasions to speak to the teacher/head and nothing has been done but my OH has only had to go once and it was dealt with (until this half term!)

The classroom has all the school reading books on a shelf that the kids can't reach and they are handed the box for the stage they are on and they chose the next book they want. She cannot do it herself.

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 30/03/2012 19:20

Is it just one incident where your OH resolved it? (Possibly because it was brought up a second time).

I would be wary of making accusations of sexism if this is the case. They'll probably just think you're loopy and give you a wide berth. Pick your battles. The reading one is legitimate, but I wouldn't bring up about the male/ female thing if I were you.

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 19:21

The library books are read first but some of her choices are a little on the easy side!!

OP posts:

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 19:26

The sexism isn't brought up in the letters, I'm not going to bring it up! I had brought it up a few times before my OH got involved, he got involved as he could see I was stressed and I'm pregnant so he took over so I didn't have to do it again

OP posts:

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 30/03/2012 19:27

Rather, I had brought up the issue of the reading books several times! Just reread my last post and realised it could sound like I had brought up the sexism issue!

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 30/03/2012 21:24

Great. Good luck sasslejaney! Sounds like their literacy scores may not be great, so perhaps it's worth looking at those too.

AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 21:30

Is she not allowed to read the books at home? And then tell the teacher she has finished and get a new one? That's how it''s done in my DDs school...and the teacher reads with them when she can...sometimes it's a week or two..but the teacher always marks DDs hw on the books she finishes.

AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 21:31

So she's not allowed to bring her book home to read?

JosieZ · 30/03/2012 21:54

Are you projecting the right image OP.

If it needs OH to go in to get changes made does he come over more forcefully.

Maybe you should wear a business suit and look bossy and officious and they might react more in the way you want. (not suggesting you are in the wrong, agree HT and T out of order)

Cherriesarelovely · 30/03/2012 22:15

just a thought, at my DDs infant school it was up to the parents to come in in the mornings and change the reading books with their children. Now I think about it that must have been very difficult for parents who worked full time. Anyway, just wondering if they have that system but haven't told you.

However, it is inexcusable that your DD was not read with for a term (did I read that right?!). I am a teacher and would be mortified if I didn't read with all of my class at least once a week. Why didn't the HT sort that out sooner? It is very, very poor. I hope you get a satisfactory response to your letter.

Greenshirt · 31/03/2012 00:34

'Are you projecting the right image?'
'Maybe they'll think you're loopy and give you a wide berth'
WhatTheActualFuck.

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 31/03/2012 10:44

mary she brings her book home everyday, I was explaining how they change the books, sorry if it confused you!

cherie there is no system like this, prior to my DD moving to this school I went for a meeting with the HT and checked what protocol for changing books, school dinners etc, yes you did read that right, her teacher didn't read with her for a full half term! And during this half term, she has only been read with twice!!

josie I don't go on the school runs dressed down as it were, I'm always presentable. I can't say as my OH was more forcefull or not as he took my DD into school while I waited outside, I don't really think image is much here tbh, its mainly filled by kids from the local council estate and my OH was wearing jogging bottoms and an old t shirt as he was off to the gym! Not exactly suited and booted!!

OP posts:

sunshineandbooks · 31/03/2012 11:00

sassie I'm sorry you're having this experience. YADNBU to be livid. I'm normally a defender of the teachers/schools but in this case I'm completely on your side.

I can't see the defence that the child is supposed to let the teacher know the book needs changing. It's the teacher's responsibility to make sure that the child (and parents) know this, to check if it's been understood properly, and to notice if it's not working out properly. 4 weeks is completely and utterly unacceptable. My DCs class is over the legal limit in terms of numbers and my DCs reading books are still changed at least once a week.

I think you are probably right about it being sexism, although it's not necessarily the case that they've ignored you because you're female. You've managed to make your position pretty clear in the OP so I can't believe that in numerous visits to the school you've spectacularly failed to get your point across and they don't know what the problem is. I suspect it's more a case of thinking you're less likely to make a fuss if nothing is done because you're a woman, rather than not taking what you're saying seriously because you're a woman IYSWIM. Also, your OH has now been set up as the 'final straw' person which is reinforcing this attitude. It's outrageous in this day and age, and fortunately very unrepresentative of schools as a whole. No consolation to you though I know.

TBH, while I think you could, and should, make a formal complaint and take this up with OFSTED if unresolved, I think the only beneficial solution would be to move schools. I know you don't want to do that, but these years are crucial to your DDs future education.

I hope things get better for you and your DD.

Original poster

sasslejaney84 · 31/03/2012 11:18

Thank you sunshine if I don't get a satisfactory resolve to this matter by the end of the next half term I am going to take it to OFSTED and my local MP (or is that a little over the top??) I hate the fact that my DD's education is suffering due to the fact that her teacher presents an image of the fact that she is new and "can't be bothered"!!

OP posts:

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