To not let dcs o with there nanny this p.m

[Spookey80]

Just hd bit of ow with my my mum! Never row, feel crap. Mum was supposed to have my 2 dcs for n hour while I went IMO work for a meeting, just of an hour and half. Arranged tie, my mum famously late as usual, making me late for my meeting. When I said about her lateness My mum then called me ungrateful and shouted at me, thn left room. I just took kids and left. Have not gone to meeting.
Mum has now text me asking if she can collect dcs for a walk. I have said no as I feel resentful that she hasn't apologised to me for shouting at me. She also swore, my mum hardly ever swears. I have not really ever fallen out with my mum, since my teens.
My dd wants to out, keeps asking. I just don't want to see my mum right now.
Aibu?

Sorry lots of typos, i rushed. Obv we had row, not ow.

Let them go.
It will give you a break, your kids will be happy and your mum will be happy.

Water under the bridge. She shouldn't have shouted at you, or have been late. Perhaps just a gentle word to her would have been better, after all, she was doing you a favour. At the same time I know how stressful lateness is with work, so I don't blame you for being cross.
This won't get better for festering on it. Let the kids go to nanny.

It sounds like you both got uncharacteristically cross over a stressful situation. I'd let your mum take the kids out. It's the quickest way to bury the hatchet and will give you a break and your mum and DC will have a lovely time. Have a cup of tea and relax :)

Thanks, just had a shit day and can't face her at the mo. I'm not usually a stubborn person.

Don't use your children to punish people, it's disgusting.

I don't understand. Your mum has upset you but you are blaming your nanny?

My children call my mum nanny.

lisaro - nanny as in grandmother.

When you've calmed down, ask her what's up if her behaviour was out of character. Menopausal? She might need a bit of support.

:( sorry about the shit day.

If she's always late, is it at least by a predictable amount? So you could start asking her to sit 30min or so earlier than actually needed? (if she manages to be early, you then have time for a cuppa)

Don't punish your children for what you see as your mother's shortcomings today. It's not fair on them and neither will it help sort out the real issues of her lateness and your subsequent row.

Apocalypse, I don't think she's trying to punish her mum - she's just upset and doesn't want to see her right now. Her mother was to look after her children to allow her to attend a meeting - her mother's lateness (and then attitude) meant she would be (at least) late to the meeting, then missing it because of the row. No meeting, no need for childcare.

And her mother still hasn't apologised, even though she must know she's let her daughter down, and upset her to boot.

Although OP, you mention her lateness is "famous" - did you really expect her to turn up as arranged?

This is a good idea muddy puddles. I will try this, but today she was coming from work and knew the time, then went past this time.
My mum is always late. I know I'm lucky to have free child care nearby, and know I should just say yes, but I just really don't think I can see her right now.

It sounds as if your mum had a bad day herself, was late and flustered so already a bit defensive, you got cross before she had a chance to say sorry (assuming she was going to!) and she overreacted. Then you overreacted!

BTW if she doesn't normally swear I'd think there is something else going on.

Stress and crossed-wires all round.

Wait till you have calmed down and then call her.

You totally get where I'm coming from whereyouleftit. I'm not trying to punish her I just feel like I can't see her right now. I suppose maybe I was a bit naive expecting her to be on time.
Just had a crp day, rushing everywhere to get stuff done before dropping kids off, wasup at 5 as dd had temp, fitted in trip to doctors, as third ear infection in 2 months. Missed play group, feel guilty as dcs never get to go, always rushing them from pillar to post, and my day off. I'm just crap!
Oh well sat here having a cuddle with dcs, but telly on when should e outside. I'm a crap mum, crp daughter and crap employee!
Feeling very sorry for myself!

In which case, I would take your DCs to somewhere outside or fun to make up for it. Somewhere that lifts your spirits and shakes you out of the bad mood. A change of scene can do that.

If your mum is always late, you definitely need to address that. Lateness drives me crazy as well. I agree, get her to come half an hour earlier than you need. Just because it's free childcare doesn't mean that she can let you down. Equally, if it's causing you problems with your job, perhaps its time to use a childminder and have your mum for fun time only.

Yeah I think because I'm always so grateful because it's free, I feel like I can't say anything. I try to ask only when I really have to now as my parents are both busy people. Dd has now fallen asleep on my lap so that is a rare pleasure that I wold have missed if ll this hadn't happened. Ds is in cot having nap, so I suppose all good. Thanks for all you're replies, feel a bit better now.

Good. Have a rest yourself. It'll all be forgotten soon enough - much as drives you mad now!
Is it wine o'clock in England yet?

This is actually unite funny because I have a mil who is the complete opposite, always really early, and sometimes this drives me mad!
No pleasing some people is there.

Definately.... 3pm isn't too early to start, is it?
It is a Friday after all!

I imagine the offer of the walk is an olive branch no?

Yeah I suppose it is, but I dont feel like I want to accept it right now. Not to be horrible, just can't.
Anyway, dd asleep on me so can't move!

I have the same problem often. My parents are always late. Sometimes I just shrug it off but sometimes, when I've emphasised the time to them for a reason, I feel so let down as if my needs matter nothing. Typical eldest child angst and really they are never going to change and me being right is no comfort. But however daft it is, that's part of the mum-daughter dynamic you have so YANBU. You just need a little time so take it and don't feel guilty. You'll make it up soon. Enjoy your cuddles!