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AIBU?

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Original poster

or are there more marraiges breaking down than ever?

20 replies

bumbums · 30/03/2012 12:38

Hi, My DCs are 3 and 5 and I've been married nearly 7 years. There are at least 2 children in my DSs reception class who's parents are mid divorce. Also a close friend has just decided to end her marraige.

My marraige is in a critical condition and could go either way right now. But it scares me to see what they are all going through.

Is it the typical time for marraiges to end? Seems to be when Men are having their mid-life wobble and women are deciding not to put up with anymore crap.

What's your experience?

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 30/03/2012 12:41

my experiance ...third child aged 5mths, mum shattered, dad decided to go elsewhere for sex...got caught - one 8 year marriage down the pan. he was an arse!

Birdsgottafly · 30/03/2012 12:43

I suppose that the saying 'seven tyear itch' came from somewhere.

In my circle it has been a matter that once the women have gained more confidence and their children are older, they will not put up with a rubbish relationship or a lack of support/unequal division of labour.

I wish that i could say that they wouldn't put up with DV, but so many do.

TattyDevine · 30/03/2012 12:45

I've heard that its actually on the decrease - I think part the problem these days is a lot of people are hanging in there because they can't "afford" to get divorced (though there will be people who are better off if they are apart financially so its swings and roundabouts)

I think also what happens in terms of perception is that when you are in your 20's you go to a wedding every few weeks and it seems like everyone is getting married...but 7 or 8 years down the track, you hit your 30's, everyone is having kids and then people start to get divorced.

Don't know if that applies to the OP at all but that's what I've found - everyone who would be married already is, so it seems like everyone is splitting but its a tiny fraction of who got married in the first place.

TattyDevine · 30/03/2012 12:48

Just looked at a graph, in 2010 the divorce rate was the lowest its been since the late 70's, but it did go up in the 90's before it came down, I think it peaked around 1994. Obviously its still way up since the so called "good old days" (50's etc)

SardineQueen · 30/03/2012 12:52

I think that separation and divorce rates go up in times when it is financially hard - our economic situation might be having an impact.

I am sorry to hear that you marriage is on the rocks.

AWomanCalledHorse · 30/03/2012 12:52

Personally, the marriages I know that are ending are those who have jumped into it quickly (met, married, divorced in 1 year, that sort of thing) aside from one which ended because the bloke lost both legs in an accident and the woman couldn't cope as he 'wasn't the same after that'.

The one marriage I know that ended because of a affair is one where it was the woman that cheated.
The married men I know that cheat ('only' 4) have wives that are 'happy' to put up with it because of their lifestyle & because of the kids.
I know a few people who haven't remarried after the men walked out in the past, but they haven't divorced their exes either.

AutumnSummers · 30/03/2012 18:38

This thread has made me reakise that the only divorced couple I know are my parents- and they are back together. i wouldn't say that that's a good thing though.

AutumnSummers · 30/03/2012 18:39

*realise

Bonsoir · 30/03/2012 18:43

At DD's school it is really hard to identify families where the two parents were married before they had children, had never been married or had children before, are still married and have several children and are, to all appearances, still happily married.

Bennifer · 30/03/2012 18:50

By the way, I think one of the reason divorce rates are decreasing is because less people get married

Bonsoir · 30/03/2012 18:54

Statistics on marriage are unable to account for highly stable, highly involved unmarried couples such as my own... I reject marriage because I have a great setup and cannot see why marriage could do anything to improve it.

OneLittleBabyTerror · 30/03/2012 19:15

I read somewhere that half of all marriages end up in divorce. Obviously some people divorce more than once do its not exactly half of all married people will divorce themselves. I just had my first child and it's a scary thought that many of the mums in my baby group will separate from their husbands.

GladysLeap · 30/03/2012 19:23

I've been married for 28 years. I don't actually know anyone who is divorced. Perhaps that makes me unusual but all our family have been married forever, as have all our long-term friends.

Kayano · 30/03/2012 20:07

I don't
Know any divorced people at all

I will know some next year though. My BIL is getting Divorced (can I get a 'thank fuck For that?) - dirty slapped of a wife

As is my cousin - abusive relationship. I'm so glad she is divorcing him but
Finding it hard because she is finding it
Hard iyswim

noinspiration · 30/03/2012 20:28

I think that divorce is more common where neither party is trapped i.e. both are financially independent. As more women have careers now, this might affect divorce rates.

molly3478 · 30/03/2012 21:17

I dont really see that in RL. A lot of people dont get married these days not many parents in dds class are. Me and DH are but we have been married longer than 7 years and are still in our 20s so definitely many years until our mid life.

I dont think a woman should put up with crap on day 1 of dating never mind 7 years in to marriage tbh, owever a lot of women do unfortunately

NowThenWreck · 30/03/2012 22:00

Well, I think having young children puts a lot of pressure on a marriage. It seems like couples who divorce tend to do so when their kids are pre-teen, and then, if they stay together beyond the teenage years, they tend to just stay together indefinitly (whether they are happy or not).
I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing though.To mis-quote:
"Every family is unhappy in their own way" so your circumstances will not be the same as your neighbours, and you can only do what is right for your family.
Personally, I have no idea how anyone stays married, but that's just me!

Born2BRiiiled · 30/03/2012 22:10

I only know one divorced couple. That is out of my parents' and my own generation. So in my experience, no.

teahouse · 30/03/2012 22:31

I know a fair few divorced people. Most are re-married though (I'm only know one other long term single woman - me, 12 years and counting). All have delightful kids so don't buy the divorced parents=badly behaved kids.

nespresso · 30/03/2012 22:49

3 sets of friends divorced in the last year. All 3 have been together long term with a child/children.

It's as if getting married highlighted or magnified existing problems in the relationship. No affairs or other issues, all got divorced citing problems with their partners that were there before.

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