to want an explanation from friend re wedding invites

[nightwebs]

Hi all, this is my first post so please be gentle with me! I will give some info on this firstly so please bear with me, it may be long :) I have a friend who is getting married in a couple of months time. We have been friends since teenagers although there were several years in our twenties when we lost contact. We got back in touch a few years ago although we didnt have that much contact until about two years ago when we had babies within a few months of each other and have been to playgroups etc together quite a few times.

As teenagers we were in a group of four friends, the other two whom I have remained in contact with all these years and consider them close friends. As with myself, these two friends lost touch with her also and have only in recent years picked up the friendship again. We all sometimes meet up for lunch etc in addition to the two of us going to these playgroups.

A while ago my friend informed me her wedding would be small with only close friends and family attending but i would be invited to the evening reception. I had no problem with this as I understand its her wedding and her choice what she does in terms of invites, especially as we arent close friends. However, she sent out her invites a few days ago and I have found out the other two friends have been invited to the whole day. I have been quite upset since finding this out as I was under the impression we were all going to the evening only and feel that it is a bit of a snub to myself. I cant think of why she would do this seeing as they are no more closer to this friend than I am and feel like I cant put it to rest emotionally until I ask her why and find out the reason. HOwever, I know that if I do ask her I may come across as 'that person' who isn't happy with a bride's decisions on her own wedding and I'm really not keen on being that person!

My husband doesnt seem very understanding, he doesnt like this friend because they worked together about ten years ago and from what he has told me she wasnt particularly nice to him when they were work colleagues so no good advice from him :(

She doesn't sound very nice. I think the rise above it advice was good and I'd add as my friend always tells me .. don't sweat the small stuff

Not unreasonable to feel a bit hurt, but yes unreasonable to ask for an explanation. You might just have to accept that your friendship has fizzled out and things aren't the same as when you were teenagers. You were happy with just the evening do before, if it were me I would go along and wish her well there, graciously.

Just go to the evening do. You can't second guess why you only have an evening invitation and will likely do your own head in trying. Just don't start thinking of yourself as some sort of second-class guest. Weddings, with respect, aren't worth it!

Thanks all, am feeling a bit better about all this now! My sister has offered up a possible reason which I didnt think of - I got married 2.5 years ago and the two girls who are going all day to wedding were my BM's along with my sis. My friend was invited to evening only as this was at the point we were just recently getting back in touch with each other and only seeing each other occasionally. Have to say I am a bit dubious this could actually be the reason, seems a bit too far-fetched

I would try not to worry too much OP, as you say it is her day and her choice.

It is a bit odd that all these people don't like her, enough so that one of the DH's is refusing to go at all. She doesn't sound very nice, especially if she was one of those 'in-crowd' types and was horrible to your DH. That sort of thing should stop at school, not carry on when you are an adult in the work place. It's one thing to be closer or friendlier with certain colleagues but another thing completely to be horrible to the others just because they are not a part of your group.

I was once the only person in the office to be invited to the whole day of a colleagues wedding, everyone else was only invited to the evening part. I knew right away it was a mistake so I waited until I could speak to him privately and thanked him profusely for my invite, said I always knew he preferred me to the rest of our colleagues, promised I absolutely would not tell them I had been there all day without them and raved about how much I was looking forward to being there for the entire thing, start to finish, morning to night etc.

I watched his face get increasingly red and worried, I could almost hear his brain trying to work out how to tell me I wasn't meant to be invited to anything other than the evening part. I made him suffer for a few minutes more and then laughed and told him I knew it was a mistake and I'd see him at the evening part with everyone else . He was very relieved, saw the funny side of my tormenting him and bought me a creme egg at lunch time to apologise.

Your sister might have a point.

Ah well, my theories are all flawed LOL!

I agree that you can't second guess why, and you will turn yourself inside out trying to figure it out.

I think you either have to accept the invitation at face value, go and have a good time, or don't go (and potentially stew on it forever more).

I think she is being a bit shitty tbh, and if it is due to your wedding invite she is bearing a grudge.

Go as your friend's plus one if her dh doesn't want to - that'll confuse her

I think your sis is onto something - your 'friend' sounds like she thinks it's payback time. Your DH doesn't like her, this other guy doesn't like her . . . I would tread very carefully with her.

Well weddings these days with "evening receptions" are DEAD common. That's what the "posh" people did 20+ years ago.
A wedding isn't some kind of "entertainment" for the unwashed masses.
Do you really care or are you more peeved about not getting the kind of recognition or attention you think you deserve?
If this really bothers you, just do not attend and send your response, in good time to be polite, with regrets that you have a previous engagement.

Save yourself the stree hassle and expense. Just say thanks but no thanks.No explanation needed. Unless she is really thick she will guess the reason pretty quickly,