Just am I?

[AugustMoon]

We're moving tomorrow, I've packed the whole house and we have a removal service who will just load / unload. We have 2 DC (last day of term tomorrow!) a dog, 2 cats and some fish. I am 21 wks pg.
DH has taken the afternoon off work but he says he's going to his boss' leaving do - lunch at a v posh hotel about half an hour away and refuses to tell me what time it starts / finishes.
For balance: 1) his boss has been very good to us financially and 2) DH went to a lunch last week which was strangely also his boss' leaving do
Am I being unreasonable to think DH should skip the lunch and come and help me move? Or at least ask boss what time it starts / say he can't stay long so I/we can plan around.

YANBU.

Nightowl, see I hadn't even thought of that! Waiting for keys etc. I feel like my brain's going to explode.
He's frantically moving boxes now, to be fair, but I know it's just so he can justify his time away tomorrow. He's slamming down boxes I've marked 'fragile'. I'm just fighting back tears as I'm sad to be leaving this house.

YANBU. Tell him he can go for an hour for the lunch and then he has to come straight back. Is he always this selfish?

Sounds as though you have bigger issues here August. The refusal to divulge his plans, the fact that he expects you to cope with this stressful event alone (and pregnant, and later dealing with the children as well), the utter disregard for the work you have already put in, all show a complete lack of respect for you.

eh ?

is your H always such a twat ?

he would get his marching orders from me, that is for sure

who the fuck does he think he is ?

how humiliating to have to ask his boss what your H is doing on the day you move house

who raises these selfish, self-entitled, piss-taking men ?

if my son grew up like this, I would feel i had failed as a mother

I agree with AF. What is wrong with your H? (Omitting the "D") If mine pulled that one, he'd be out the door permanantly.

Thanks AF. I've posted on here under different names about ishoos before and you always put things in perspective!
I'm in bed now. Feeling very sad but can't cry or share it with 'H' - as it should be. That's the worst bit. He's spoilt our last night in this house.

why do you stay with him, AM ?

Right. Had you thought of downing tools, and saying that in fact you think you also might have an important lunch appointment tomorrow?

Tell him that you aren't fussed about dovetailing times, because you think the best thing would be that when he's back from his lunch, he can pick you up on the way home... and then you can deal with the removal together.

As he has a time frame in mind, and as you don't (because he has refused to tell you, presumably because he likes his wife to feel upset, humiliated and under extra pressure) he can call the removal men and reschedule.

Why on earth do you think, now, that the onus is on you to do anything less?

In fact, don't tell him you have plans. Just don't BE there when the removals turn up.

That's right. Just fuck off, like he has.

Teach him a serious lesson on how his future might start looking if he doesn't learn to start treating you with respect.

My blood is boiling for you.

If you honestly think there's an element of him taunting you here, then I seriously, seriously suggest that you just throw your hands up and say - FUCK YOU. Over to you. You sort it out. You're not good enough to treat as a partner and an equal? Then you sure as hell aren't good enough to take responsibility for what should be your joint moving day.

Go out first thing, and text him to say that you've changed your mind and won't be at home for the day. No, you didn't think you fancied letting him know the details of your plans earlier - just like HIM.

He's a total prick.

Or of course there's the option of amusing yourself while you wait alone for them in the morning by removing some of his more precious knick knacks/favourite ties/anything you can get your hands on, and binning them.

'Really? Gone? Maybe you should take responsibility for packing your own stuff next time. Wow, I really feel for you.'

I'm really upset for you August. You're obviously feeling a bit fragile about the move as it is and all your sorry excuse for a man can do is take the piss out of you in a way that's so obvious it makes me wonder how much he cares for you. He is upsetting you on purpose and laughing at the reaction. He#s playing games with you and only you can decide when not to play anymore. New house, new life?

How did it go?

Loving doctordwt's second suggestion. Update us when you've got five minutes OP.