AIBU to really hate the Daily Fail phrase....

[Janoschi]

'Elf n Safety?

Yes yes, I KNOW it's already beyond the pale to read the bloody thing but it's my daily fix of hilarity... bit addicted to it now!

But, you're a f**king newspaper, DM. Stop spelling like a teenager in a strop.

YABU to think the Daily Mail is a newspaper.

Cotes.

And a sex scandal isn't a scandal unless it was a "romp".

Granted.

Don't know why I find it such fun to read. Generally I love the contradictions - one true example was the story of a thief in Saudi Arabia who had his hands cut off as punishment. "Barbaric country!" screamed the comments board. On the EXACT SAME PAGE there was the story of a guy stole a wallet from a war veteran. "We should cut his hands off like they do in Saudi Arabia!" screamed the comments board.

It's just great.

Feel I should say that I've never actually bought a copy. This is the online version.

But I hate Elf n Safety. It ruins a really enjoyable read.

There was a picture going round twitter a few days ago - screengrab of DM website article about immigrants not being able to use English correctly...with an incorrect apostrophe in the headline (or perhaps even no apostrophe, I forget).

"Flaunts her curves" is another DM-ism that sets my teeth on edge.

And 'Parades her curves'.

And 'pours her curves into (insert item of clothing)'.

They're obsessed with sodding curves.

I loathe the way that they make sneering remarks about some "sleb"'s dimply thighs on the beach - a day before running a "concerned" article about teenage eating disorders.

It's your FECKING FAULT, you irresponsible morons.

And.....

Monday....Bacon gives you bowel cancer.
Thursday.....Bacon protects your from breast cancer.

Grrrrrr.........!

Did you know that Ben Goldacre ran an experiment where he got a bunch of science grads to look at a year's worth of medical stories in the DM and to go back to the original source (ie: the research papers) to see how well the stories had been reported.

Can't remember the exact stats, but well over 60% of the stories were flat out wrong, and the rest were only partially correct.

The Mail is nothing short of morally corrupt and outright disgusting. I utterly despise them.

"frolics" people are always frolicking when they are on holiday according to the DM

Oh...and YANBU. Forgot to say that...too carried away with my rant

Burgeoning bump used to describe any pregnant sleb.

I love their Photoshop skills

The perfect Daily Mail story would cover how an illegal immigrant on benefits gives you cancer.

Love the Photoshop picture!

You'll love this...

I hate 'fat cats', 'swanky' and 'boffins' amongst many others.

I didn't expect to come across them again once I stopped reading the Beano several decades ago.

what about .......shows her bikini body....

Fucking hate that expression.

Don't forget that lovers also have trysts in love nests as well as saucy/raunchy romps.

"bounces back to a size 10" after having a baby - ggrr! Then another article about how it's unhealthy to do so.

'Elf and safety' is irritating, but then, so is 'Daily Fail'.

'the couple were found brutally murdered in their £300,000 detatched Wiltshire home'

Well if you will read shit don't complain that it stinks.

Her royal hotness Pippa Middleton. FFS She's not royal! But ahhh how I love my daily fix.

Oh yes Conchita , every house has to be priced, and if any child goes to an independent school, we need to know the fees.

But still we read it!

Janoschi ....and affects the price of your house!

there was one that made me genuinely furious the other day: 'Guilty: Boyfriend hacked mother-of-nine to death before dumping her in a bin because she was pregnant AGAIN'
So, a man brutally kills a pregnant woman and deprives 9 children of their mother and the bit they think is worthy of capital letters- therefore the most scandalous part of the story- is that she was pregnant AGAIN. Words fail me.

I'd like to add pins (usually "enviable pins") and the word 'totes' to the list of annoying DM words.