WIBU to impose these rules on when ExP can phone ds?

[WishingRLwouldFuckOff]

ExP has control issues. Never bothered ringing ds every day before he realised this was the only way he can manipulate things here. Regularly rings late and winds ds up so he is a nightmare to go to bed.

Would I be unreasonable to say:

1. No pre-school phone calls unless it is a special occasion
2. No phone calls after 7pm so that I can calm ds down and sort out the bedtime routine in peace.

I don't want to say no you can't call/speak when he rings because it upsets ds but tbh I am getting pissed off with long later calls and over tired emotional child so need to do something.

AIBU?

YADNBU

Good luck

Avoid saying 'no' if you think it will lead to unnecessary conflict - unplug your phone when it's too late or don't answer by checking caller display.

It is ok to be busy in your own home and not answer the phone

What is he doing to wind your son up?

YANBU
I asked the same of my exP when ds1 was younger as had the same problems as you.

YANBU if it's causing disruption for your son.

I would do as Laurie says and just not answer the phone at inconvenient times.

Sounds reasonable enough. Of course YANBU

Have you spoken to your ExP about this?

Unfortunately not answering the phone leads to phone to mobile bouncing of calls followed by early call the next day.

Buppy - depends sometimes just ringing very late and being stupid when ds is quite frankly too tired to cope, sometimes it is ringing up with exciting plans, sometimes it is hanging up mid-convo without saying good bye because ds isn't focusing on the convo or being silly like his dad. Stupid things that tbh can be avoided by simply stopping the late calls imo.

I don't care if he rings everyday to speak to ds. It's good for ds to have contact. Just the late night calls and early morning ones disrupt routine, result in over tired child or upset. And exp's work hours means this can be accomodated easily.

Purple - haha regularly, he says i am unreasonable and he can speak to his son whenever he wants. It used to be he would ring at bedtime. just as i was putting him down. It is a convo that we will be having again and wanted to know if the liimits I want to imposed would be fair. It is not about limiting contact just defining boundaries. iyswim. Ds can call exP when he wants with the exception of the rare afternoons exP is at work. It is exP who is ringin everyday atm, which in itself is disruptive as it has never been like this before and I am not allowed to ring to speak when he is with exP as it unsettles ds too much (actually I do agree with this) but it is the same the other way around too. ExP can't see that though.

Even if it leads to him calling you on the mobile and an early call the next day you can still ignore it. If he leaves abusive messages then log it and report him for harassment.

he is not permitted to call at all times, you do not have to let him bother you. You think he is trying to actually wind you up and control you - the way for you to retain the control is to send a message saying call between these times or the phone won't be answered - as you sound reasonable I am sure you will give reasonable times

outside these times - ignore it, you are entitled to your life too.

Why not get your DS to ring Ex at a time to suit you? Then the convasation is done before bedtime

Seabright ExP is a nightmare to get hold of on the phone and the no of times ds has requested to speak to his dad and then been in tears because he can't get through is stupid. ExP will then wait until bedtime to return the call. It is all about the control. He has no right to control me and I will be dammed if he uses ds. I now get ds to text or email his dad when he wants to immediately speak because it is just less emotional.

"Unfortunately not answering the phone leads to phone to mobile bouncing of calls followed by early call the next day."

So, you ignore those too. Turn your mobile to silent/vibrate or simply don't answer, ditto landline. It won't be long til he gets the message.

He's trying to control you. It's up to you whether you let him.

Send him an e-mail or letter detailing when it would be suitable to call, and why it is a bad idea and poor parenting to ring outside those times. Keep a copy. When he calls outside those hours, text him that you will not be answering until the hours already notified to him. Keep those texts. Eventually, he'll get that you are in control.