What else could I/should I have done for this child?

[fluffyanimal]

Not really an AIBU but more of a WWYD?

Where I park for work is not the nicest area of town: lots of private-landlord-owned back to back terraces, many not in a good state of repair. To get from the car park I have to do a loop round a square, off which there are several cul-de-sacs of terraces, and these tend to have a gate across the end of the road.

Anyway, as I set off for home yesterday I rounded one corner of the square and came nose to bumper with a toddler in the middle of the road. Luckily I was driving very slowly. He can't have been more than about 24 months. There was not an adult in sight. He moved out of the way, and I parked up in the first available space, got out and went looking for him. He was on the pavement by this time, heading for the grassy area in the middle of the square. Still no adults in sight. I went up to him and said "Hello, where's your mummy? Shall we try and find her?" Of course poor kid didn't say anything.

I kept looking around and then saw that coming out of the terrace opposite, very slowly and casually, was a teenage girl (but prob only just, she didn't look more than 13) with two younger school-age children. I noticed that the gate of this street was open. So I said to her "Do you know this little boy?" She said yes, so I said, "I just found him in the middle of the road, I could have run him over." She said "Thank you", sounding quite concerned, and she went and took the toddler by the hand and started leading him back towards the terrace. At that point I drove away.

I keep wondering whether I should have talked more to the girl, asked her who she was (sister?), asked her where the his/their parents were, checked to see which house they went into. What would you have done?

I have to say I alo think the dea us irrelevant. The response I gave above old be exactly the same if I found the child in a leafy suburb. I would always assume in these circumstances that the child had somehow wandered off. And that Its parents would like someone to bring I back. I think most parents would not want their child in this situation and would want another adult to intervene. After all the majority of people are good parents even if douse that live in rough areas!

• even those

I dont think the op should have put the child in her car and driven off to the nearest police station. OK stay with the child and call the police and wait until they turn up or the people claiming to be the parent/guardian, but not driven off. The parents may already have been frantically looking for the child imagine if you were then told that they had seen them being taken away in a car?

fwiw i think you did what most people would have done in the circumstances.

yes most prob ringing the police is more sensible :o

OP I think you did just fine and you'll stop thinking about this eventually. Something similar happened to be about 10 years ago. I saw a toddler wandering along as I was going to my house. We lived on a really hellish dual carriageway. I watched as she stepped off the pavement and headed straight towards the traffic. I ran and grabbed her hand as a car passed at about 60mph, about 5 inches in front of her nose. After a while a totally laid-back and very unconcerned woman came out of a house where the front door was wide open, and I handed the little girl over.

For weeks I was shaky and felt sick every time I thought about it and I always wondered if I should have done more. You will feel better in time, and I don't think you should have followed it up. It could have been a one-off. Maybe the toddler has just got tall enough to reach the catch, and now the mother will be much more careful. Hope you feel better soon.

OP, FWIW, I probably would have done the same as you.

I'm fairly confident I wouldn't have made a phone call.

But you could have done. In fact, it's about the only thing you could have done beyond what you did, so don't worry about it.

With regards to being 'judgy' and making assumptions and judgements. It's true, we make assumptions and judgements all the time. Sometimes they're right and sometimes not.

This morning I looked out of the window and saw the sun was shining. On the basis of this I made an assumption it would also be fairly warm and then made a judgement to wear a dress. I also assumed that it wouldn't be as hot as the south of France in August so I also made a judgement that I would need something warm to wear in addition in case it went chilly. So yes, I do make assumptions and judgements all the time. It's how people work and today I was right. It's also how all decisions are made.

I have had the exact same situation with nearly running over a toddler. Poor little mite was very dirty and neglected. I followed her home to an absolutely filthy house and a very rough looking woman just gave me the evils when I explained what had happened.
I went home and phoned the police and to be honest they gave me a load of grief about leaving a child in a dangerous situation. I felt guilty for ages that something could have happened to her after I'd left her but really the only alternative was to more or less abduct her and take her to the police station.

This happened to me and my Mum when I was a teenager.

It was in the middle of a notorious council estate in Oxford, if that's relevant? I'm trying to think if I would have mentioned that if I'd written a thread about it? Does it really matter? Lots of people set the scene in this kind of way.

OP - I'm not sure what the right thing to do way, I'm glad you did something though.

I have also been the parent whose 18 month old vanished from the back garden and wandered off by herself.
If someone had found her, I'd have been so relieved that I would not have cared if SS had turned up afterwards. As it was, I had the worst 20 minutes of my life running around like an idiot trying to work out in which of the three possible directions she'd gone. In the event, she hadn't gone towards the main roads, she'd run along a little path alongside a lake and somehow managed not to fall down the steep bank into it.
All intervention would have been more than welcome. So I'd say wherever you are, judge away and intervene. From my own pov, you could have told anyone and everyone (police, social services, the Queen) - what I cared about was having my dd safely back and if you had been standing there with her, with police arriving, while I ran fruitlessly in the wrong direction, well, better that (which would hopefully be followed by a quick reunion!) than leaving her to toddle under a car. And if someone investigated me after it, so be it. I was so pleased to have her back I wouldn't have cared.

But in this case it shouldn't matter where the child was as to how a person deals with it surely?

Would you be more or less likely to ignore a toddler in the street in a well do do area? really?

Sorry - just realised I've written the crappest post on here.
OP I think what you did was fine. You didn't stand back and do nothing. In the heat of the moment, I'd probably do the same (make sure the child was with someone who seemed to know them, drive off, and worry about whether I'd actually done enough).
I was really responding to people who thought you were judging. My point was supposed to be that if you cared about your child and they went wandering off towards cars, you wouldn't care if you were being judged as long as they were returned safely to you. If you didn't care about your child being in that situation, then you should be judged and have your parenting looked at!

The NSPCC has a helpline for reporting concerns about a child. The number is 0808 800 5000.

op would you be less likely to call ss if this was a posh well to do area

I think OP did right.
I've had loose toddlers brought to the door by strangers (let out by visiting 10yo or having just learned they could reach the gate lock :(). I've been reported to NSPCC (Scum, so charming when people are pleasant to your face but accuse you of child abuse behind your back ). I was accused of encouraging my toddler to play in the road.

It's not nice. :(