to wish my dh would just shut up about his work?

[knifedrawermrssharp]

Been married 23 years to a decent, kind, loving man. But he loves to talk about his work, which admittedly is crap at the moment. He's under a lot of pressure and his boss is a twunt but its 24/7 and I feel like walking out of the door and hiding for a week. And the blackberry beeping CONSTANTLY and him slyly moving position so he can check it. This has been going on for about a year now.

I try to be supportive and to let him talk, and not to whinge but I'm just SO bored with it - it's taking over both our lives. I don't even mention my (equally well paid and responsible) job as after 3 hours of his, I have lost the will to live.

I've said jack it in (though who can afford to, in all reality) and he says sometimes he is going to and others that he secretly quite enjoys the pressure and the slightly on the edge of glamour tinge to it. But I don't know where I am with it all and am beginning to feel stressed myself.

Just shut up about it, will you?

He possibly has lost sight of what it's doing to his personal life. Has he got an obsessive or addictive personality?

I'd sit down calmly and say I need to talk...

God what a bore he must be. Does he ever ask you about your day?

i know how you feel its like everytime he opens his mouth i roll my eyes lol

TT not really. He's just an old school grafter but noone else seems to be. And saying i need to talk, what do I talk about? The fact I'm truly bored stiff after pretending to be interested for the last year? That would be so hurtful to him and its the last thing I want to do is add to his stress.

Bushy, yes he does, after he's offloaded his day, by which time I'm so pissed off I just say it was fine.

I'm not helping him really, I know.

YABU to 'wish'. A conversation that acknowledged you understand his job is stressful but asked if he could limit talking about it so much would be OK, surely?

OK, I think you need to set some artificial time limits on this, or it will go on and take up even more of your lives.
I know it sounds mad, but an agreement where you each talk for 20 minutes about work and then, after dinner say, it is a forbidden subject! You can explain your reasons kindly, or say that you want him to have a haven where he doesn't have to think about work. It sounds like it has become a habit and can be broken ( before you break something over his head!).

Does he / do you have any other topics of conversation? Is that the problem? That he needs to talk and communicate and be close to you, but that is all he can talk about?

We've had that conversation a fair few times. It usually goes something like this

me "I know you hate your job at the moment and you need to get it all out but could you just stop talking about it after a bit?"

him (with hurt face on) "what do you want to talk about then"

me "Errrrrrm. Turned out nice again, hasn't it"

Sounds like you need to do other things. If all you both do is work and come home then the only thing you can talk about is work. What hobbies have you got? What do you do outside the home that isn't work? What could you plan for the weekend that would give you both something fresh to think and talk about?

Norks I think he knows he bangs on too much, but Ive tried so hard to be understanding, supportive and interested that he just doesnt get how fed up I am with the single topic and now I've made a rod for my own back.

I'm not a big talker, I'm quite quiet naturally but he's the opposite and we've usually been quite balanced about stuff, but this is different. The 20 minute conversation limit is something ive read but it sounds like the same sort of thing as "date night" and all that shit. Does anyone actually do it?

I think I will make some flash cards with topics for discussion on them.

I used to think my DH talked about work a lot. Then he got a promotion and now has to head a small team of people....NOW he talks about work a lot! In particular one member of his team is very difficult, and I realise he wants to vent, but it's every single night and it's sooooo boring! I mostly leave him to it but some times I have to be honest and tell him it's too much. It never goes down well. But there is always the chance he will go off in a sulk and I won't have to listen anymore, so worth it

"Does anyone actually do it?"

It may, like 'date night' sound artificial & contrived to start with but, for a lot of people, it's a good way to start breaking bad habits.

DH has an all consuming job that could be a whole other thread in itself. One measure we have put in place is using the blackberry bedtime settings. Within settings you can tell the blackberry that it goes to sleep at a certain time and wakes up at a certain time. Between these times it will not ring, will not receive e-mails or texts.

He has his hobbies, I have my friends and we still have our shared dreams and stuff. But if we go out for a walk together, the work conversations just follow us. If we go for a bike ride, we stop for a rest, and there it is again.

I want to shake it off but it's only going to get worse as the summer approaches due to the nature of this job.

Cogito, I understand that as a tool it could be effective. But I'm old, we've been married for ever and to start with stuff like that just feels more stressful and artificial then just saying "look, I'm sick of hearing about it" and dealing with the aftermath.

Lizcat that's a good idea. I think we shall both do that as I do check work stuff too, only I dont bore everyone rigid talk as much about mine

Hmm...

I think until you've been there with high workload, stupid deadlines and idiot boss/colleagues it is very difficult to understand.

DH and I used to come home and have a rant about everything and everyone every night for about half an hour. Work was all consuming and to be honest it all got on my nerves but coming home and being able to tell someone neutral (even if they didn't offer a solution) made a big difference.

Unfortunately, most workplaces these days would test the patience of a saint.