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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so hurt by my dh??

20 replies

mommykelly · 29/03/2012 07:35

for a couple of months now ive been looking into becoming a teaching assistant.
ive been searching information nearly everyday! yesterday i got a college enrollment form in the post. DH said to me i havent even gone over it with him yet(i have ALOT!), he also said that thinks thats a bad idea to do because i will be away from the kids alot and they will end up disfunctional Confused.
he then brought up a load of jobs that i could do such as an office manager.
correct me if im wrong but what job could be more ideal than a teaching assistant?
i feel like he has said all of this because hes just trying to stop me doing anything. i feel like he wants all the glory for starting his business, but doesnt want me in anyway to take any of it away Confused
hes got me even thinking about whether i should be with him?????
how can someone do that, there have been a million times where i could have crushed him like that so why can he do it!

OP posts:
Seabright · 29/03/2012 07:40

Maybe he means youhaven't had. "sit-down, uninterrupted" discussion about it? I agree that a TA is the most child friendly job you could have. You need to point out you won't get school hols off if you are an office manager.

SnapesMistress · 29/03/2012 07:48

I think he is a knob, his arguments make no sense. It sounds like he is worried about you becoming independant and not the little wifey at home.

Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 07:49

ive spoke to him properly loads of times.
when he was doing a lot at work a few weeks ago he kept saying to me sitting around waiting wont make you a ta, so i get the ball rolling and hes not happy with that.
im really unsure how to go about it now do i carry on hopefully he will see that this is best and put up with guilt trips ect.
orrrr give in and wait a 2/3 years until the girls are at school???
:(

OP posts:
Jinsei · 29/03/2012 07:51

So, is he away from the kids a lot? And will they end up dysfunctional because of that? Hmm

Sorry, OP, but he sounds an arse. It isn't for him to dictate which careers might be suitable for you.

fedupofnamechanging · 29/03/2012 07:56

Your dh should support you, in trying to find a job that suits you. The fact that he isn't, means that it's more important than ever, to do it. If things do go pear shaped with you two, then being able to support yourself and the dc will be essential. Horrible to have to think that way.

If he's so concerned about the 'dysfunction' of the kids, perhaps he should give up his business and get a nice little job as an office manager, so he can look after them.

Seriously, that makes no sense - why would being a TA result in dysfunctional kids, but being an office manager wouldn't? He is being a fuckwit.

Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 08:00

i just really cant understand why one minute he like oh yeah thats great
then he is acting this way making me feel like i should be at home.
thing is in on income support and i dont want to be i want to provide for my kids
but of course id love to stay at home with them but at the moment but we really dont have any money the ends never meet but i cant expect them to im just being given this money!
dh at the moment makes next to nothing so we could really do with a bit of extra money. sorry ranting!

OP posts:
ledkr · 29/03/2012 08:00

If hes worried about the dc being disfunctional with no ft parent then maybe he should give up work.
He is without a doubt feeling concerned at you moving out into the workplace and not being safely tucked away at home. He needs to get over it.
I have had friends with dh like yours and my advice to them is the same as i give to you.
Ignore him. Get on with what you are doing and chat happily about it but do not under any circumstances discuss any of his nonsense comments.
Its like atoddler,the more you entertain it the worse he will get.
You are married,you are not his possession to boss around and control.
I dont blame you for questioning whether you want to be with him either,maybe you should tell him that and remind him that it is the 21st Century too.

Jinsei · 29/03/2012 08:02

If he isn't making any money, why not suggest that he stays at home with the kids till they're at school?

Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 08:09

if im truely honest id rather them be at nursery, it sounds terrible but not because hes not a good dad he is.
he doesnt have enough patience and i dont think they will do as much activity as they need to.
im only saying this because ive always been with them really. hes never really been given the chance or taken the chance Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 08:10

maybe thats the problem he doesnt want that responsibility,
he did say yesterday "so who will look after the kids?" like he really dodnt want to.

OP posts:
tantrumsandballoons · 29/03/2012 08:11

How old are your DCs op?
How long does your DH think you have to be at home to prevent "dysfunction"

It is a ridiculous argument to become an office manager rather than a TA as that would be longer hours, no school holidays etc

It seems he is just saying this now the TA career is about to become reality, rather than just something you would like to do in the future.

If you feel that the best thing for you and your family is to go back to work, then if I were you, I would sit him down, explain this is what you are going to do and make plans together- childcare, finances etc.

He needs to understand this IS going to happen

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 29/03/2012 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 08:17

kids are now 9 months and 2.5years lol
i am reluctant to have 9 month old in nursery but she will be easier to get to go there lol

OP posts:
Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 08:25

do you think its worth me saying how he made me feel?
i didnt say anything last night i listened then just went to bed.. sobbed lol
i am still going to do it whether he wants me to or not, just dont know if he knows how it made me feel will make any difference???

OP posts:
tantrumsandballoons · 29/03/2012 08:52

I think you should just explain that you want to go back to work, because you want to contribute financially to the running of your household, and because being a TA is something you really want to do.
Get all your info together, show him what plans you have made, what course and how long etc, where it will lead and what plans you have made for childcare, then he can't say you haven't discussed it with him. You are not asking for his permission, you are just letting him know what you need to do.

As for the DCs being in nursery at 9 months- all 3 of mine were at day nursery from 3 months, they are now 14,13 and 8 and are not dysfunctional in the slightest I hope

Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 09:00

my main worry is getting 2 year old into nursery, i may have over mommied her Confused yes i just made that up
it just scares me a little lol

OP posts:
tantrumsandballoons · 29/03/2012 09:07

I'm sure she will settle in, after all she would have to go to school/nursery at some point whether you go back to work or not

Take her round, introduce her to staff, stay for the morning and then go home together. Next day, leave her for an hour and so on.

She will be fine, honestly.

If you have a career you want to start up and a way of doing it, then go for it

Good luck Smile

CoffeeDog · 29/03/2012 09:24

when the DT's went to nursery i was worried about them setteling as they we use to me 24hr a day 7 day's a week. especially DT2...It took 3 day's before they both skiped in happily... its not often i even get a kiss now :(

TA is a great job when you have kid's. I plan on becomming a TA when th twins are a little bit bigger ;)

MorrisZapp · 29/03/2012 09:29

Get those kids into nursery. They will love it.

Original poster
mommykelly · 29/03/2012 09:51

thankyou youve all been supportive :)
time to put that man back his place!! lol im always right!
x

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