to not help with homework?

[mumof4sons]

My DS(11) just came to me (8.45pm) wanting help with his history homework that was set on 19/3 and is due tomorrow. He has had just over a week and half to do this work. And tonight is the first I have heard of it.

AIBU?

If he's just 11 then I'd probably help, but tell him that you're not happy at all and then ask him each day if he has homework in the future.

Once he gets to 13, it's up to him, no reasonable requests refused, but they need to take responsibility as they get older. ds1 often asks me for stuff at the last minute and I just shrug now. He's 14 this year and needs to learn....the hard way, if necessary.

If its a one off YANBU, at that time of night the night before its due I'd tell him its too late to start now, he'd get a lecture on how he should have done it when he got and and be told he would have to suck it up and take the punishment the school sees fit to give him for not doing it.

However if its a regular occurrence for him to do this sort of thing I'd be asking why you aren't as his parent checking his bag to see if he has homework each evening and ensuring he sits down and does it.

I'd make him accept the consequences of not doing it.

My ds is 11 too, he needed a lot of support to get into the routine of doing each piece of homework the night it was set, but I can mostly let him get on with it now.

Gobble, he's had the lecture. This is not the first time, but also not a regular occurrence. More of a putting off because I don't want to do it type thing. I work at his school and usually know what homework is set and when due, but this one escaped me.

I must admit that I am of the opinion that it is his responsibility to get homework done and will help when asked, but I am not going stand over and make sure he does it. I have never done that with my other 3 DSs and not going to start on no.4.

I want him to learn by his mistakes. And also suffer the wrath of this particular teacher who takes no prisoners.

YANBU

Oh I'm a wimp - I'd give the lecture THEN I'd help them. I think it's my way of fulfilling a need in me because my parents didn't give a shit about whether I did my homework or not (that's what my counsellor said anyway )

Its difficult isn't it?

I don't think one should take the cue from a teacher who takes no prisoners - they are a weak teacher.

If he is 11, in yr 7, 1st year at Big School, then some slack is due, I think. But he does need a lesson in responsibility, and from where he should be sourcing assistance.

OP, you haven't suggested any particular reason as to why he had left it so late to ask. Is it a lack in confidence in asking you about it?

I don't help with homework either, unless I am asked in plenty of time. My dd (12) is quite capable of sorting herself out though.
As a teacher there are some pupils I expect to be able to sort it out themselves and others I would expect to need a parent to help organise them. Generally the ones who need the help are the ones who don't get it, and the ones who are capable of doing it without help are the ones with parents prepared to help.
I'd probably do the same as you and let him learn by his mistakes and take the consequences.

Detention all the way. But lessons have to be learned, the hard way. As you say, he's had a week and a half, I dount there are few school now that dont allow after hours access to resources or have h/w clubs and ICT access.

Difference between help and doing IYSWIM. Pointless any child of mine coming to me with MFL or maths h/w - I wouldnt have a scooby. They've learned the hard way to tread carefully with any of the humanities or sciences because they are liable to get another lecture lesson on the world according to Mrs Trois

Well, I would still ask myself why he didn't come to ask me about such things.

and no, things don't have to be learned 'the hard way' at all trois. Just the best way.

DD1 I tend to help, because she's dyslexic and genuinely forgets things. History in particular because it's taught by Ms Hitler.