Tactful Approach in not buying a birthday present for someone we have not seen

[ladybirdpoppy]

Hi
I am after some advice, a few years ago I worked with a friend who has a DS we were very friendly going on lunch at work together, meeting up a the weekends etc, then I went onto have a DS so we started to buy each other's DS presents at Christmas and Birthdays. Later she went onto have a another DS and took a year off work and our contact was not so frequent but we still bought each other's DS presents. Now both of us have returned to work in different departments and work different hours that we do not see each other at all now as we our DS don;t even know each other, they are 9, 7 and 5.
One of the birthdays is approaching in April, I feel really hesitant in buying a present for a person who i don't see and know, I just feel I am doing it out of politeness.
Any tips on how to approach this tactfully without causing offence?
Thanks

Well if you have no contact now, where is the issue?

Just speak to her. I imagine she feels the same way. It's money you don't need to spend. Just get a nice card and that will be enough. Most of my friends don't even do that (unless one of my dc is having a bday party) and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact I am relieved that there is less clutter are fewer toys/books/craft kits in my house.

well last year she buy my DS a birthday present just because its something we have done for years, but don't see the point, I think I am just worried incase she takes offence but on the other side she may be thinking the same as me.

You could play it either way. Buy her son the present in April and when your son's birthday approaches phone (as you said you don't see her) and ask her not to buy your son. You could say he gets so much blah, blah it is silly her buying him.

Or you could just not buy her son a present in April and I am sure she would probably get the hint, and not buy your son when it is his birthday.

If you literally don't have contact with her, then no issue, as Bangtastic said.

If you do see her, then I'd be up front about it and say that it seems a bit silly to keep buying each other's children things when they don't really know each other. She'll probably be as relieved as you are to stop.

You said you don't see each other at all anymore so I think it's ok to just stop buying. I can't see any reason why this would cause offence.

She'll possibly be relieved she can stop buying for your DS also.

We used to buy presents for all children in the family for Christmas and birthdays. I worked out how much we were spending over the course of the year on this and was . Last year we stopped buying for the children we don't see and only bought presents for the ones we have a close relationship with. I still sent birthday cards though. I don't know if anyone was offended, I can't imagine they were. Presents shouldn't be an expectation, you are free to choose who you do and don't buy presents for.

Send a fiver in a card, or get in touch and suggest you take all the dc on a day out somewhere together instead of doing presents.

So do you just meet up to exchange gifts? I would just contact her and suggest not buying from this year, do it ASAP so she has bought anything.

I'd just agree a no present pact by text or phone. So for example me and my sister have a no present pact for our husbands. Neither of us have the faintest idea what to buy our own husbands let alone each others, so we just buy for each other and the children. Similarly some of my close friends and I buy for each others kids at birthdays but not at Christmas, again by us mums agreeing.

I have recently started agreeing with all kinds of people not to buy presents for kids or only to buy where the kid is our Godchild etc. Everyone seems very relieved, to be honest. I would just speak to her, very casually, and say, "Shall we agree not to buy any more presents from now on?" If you want to keep seeing her then suggest to meet up instead. If you don't, then just promise to see her "sometime soon". I'm sure, as a PP said, that she'll be relieved to have less stuff in the house. I know I am.

Send a card...it's not as harsh as cutting off the present thing entirely...next year don't bother.

Just send a card.

I'd pop a book token or some stickers in the card and then discuss it with her and suggest you call a halt to the present buying-she probably feels the same.

I think it is fine to stop buying presents - but please let her know first! A quick chat to tell her that, should be fine. I think in the current climate, every one is looking to save money so she shouldn't have a problem. Just don't do it by stealth!