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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sometimes I do not want any guests at home...

6 replies

Lovefruitsandvegs · 28/03/2012 13:56

DH said last night that his acquaintance (they worked on a project once in a different country years ago) is coming to our town. She lives in a different country. At first he said we would all go out somewhere and have tea, buns etc. Then he said she would come home. I said, sorry but no. I study during the day (take an online course because I want to find a job after years of not working and being dependent on DH). During the day I am disturbed by my younger DS. Then the older one comes from school and the time when I really study is evening after they go to bed. I feel tired and often go to bed after the midnight and then wake up early. I will need to tidy up our house. It is not in the best shape because it is a rented place. Lots of work. DH says there is no need to tidy up but I would not invite people in our house if it is not tidy unless it is someone I have known very very well. I wish he could just go somewhere with that woman and would not involve me and the kids. I know he probably wants to present his family but how about going out instead inviting everyone home. It is me who is going to prepare food, table etc.
Last night he came home from work very late. He works a lot. It was already after midnight. I was almost falling asleep then he came in with a laptop. He needed to read information for today's work and he was too tired to do it in the next room. I, of course, could not sleep because of the light, the sound etc. I think he is selfish and he thinks it is me who is selfish. Sorry for the long post. Am I being selfish? :)

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/03/2012 14:08

Talk to each other perhaps? If you don't spend much time together because of various commitments it's easy for a couple to not realise they're annoying each other. Communicate honestly rather than seethe in silence.

ModdedMummy · 28/03/2012 14:14

You're not being selfish! It's your home, your space, and you don't want it invaded.
If he wants this person to stay, remind him that she will he his guest and you will take no responsibility. If he wants to have her over for dinner, he can cook and clean and prepare things (and tidy up beforehand!). If he wants your help he needs to ask for it, and you have to be up to the task. It sounds like he's burdening you without knowing it.

I don't know what to suggest you should do, but I just wanted you to know that you're definitely not being unreasonable. And I hope you guys come to an understanding soon! :)

Ephiny · 28/03/2012 14:25

You're not being selfish at all. I would be furious if DP came in and woke me up by turning lights on, making noise etc because he couldn't be bothered to go into another room!

As for guests - if it's his friend, he should be offering to cook and do any other preparations needed.

Lovefruitsandvegs · 28/03/2012 23:38

Thank you for understanding me. He came home this evening and said that I looked ill. My eyes were red. He was certain I got a virus :) I was actually very crossed with him as my "red eyes" were because of tiredness.
He said he would not invite her home but we would go out instead. Although I do not want to go out too it is still better than inviting her over.
He did not switch the lights on but the room was very light because of the laptop working next to me. Some people fall asleep easily wherever and whatever but I need the bedroom to be dark and with no disturbing sounds. I even do not like when my DH is puffing (breathing with a strong sound but not snoring) next to me. Somehow it sounds really loud. As for snoring, who likes it? :)

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 28/03/2012 23:43

He's also working a lot to facilitate your studying.

Marriage is a partnership.

Lovefruitsandvegs · 29/03/2012 11:22

He does not contribute to my studies. He is working hard but I am also working hard taking care of the family in a different non-financial way. I do lots of things at home which he does not do or cannot do yet it is for free. He needs to understand that even though I am not going to work I also feel tired. I would certainly not use computer in the bedroom when he is sleeping.

OP posts:
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