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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To talk about cleanliness with my sister?

42 replies

startwig1982 · 28/03/2012 10:01

My dsis house is a shocking, dirty place. She rarely cleans and has piles if stuff everywhere so it's hard to go from one room to another. Her kitchen is filthy: the floor is never washed, the washing up is always in a great pile, the surfaces are greasy and grim, the cat's litter box doesn't get emptied... The list goes on. The rest of the house smells disgusting and the carpets are all stained. Dsis wants me to go round with DS(9.5 mo) more often but I just can't face it. There's nowhere clean for DS to play/sit and the mess is awful. Should I offer to help her clean the house or point out how awful it is, or just say nothing? I really don't know what to do and I don't want to upset her. Btw, my house is far from perfect but at least it gets cleaned once a week!

OP posts:

LydiaWickham · 28/03/2012 14:27

Have a word, offer to hep. Is there any room in her budget for a couple of hours of a cleaner's time every other week to just do the big jobs like the kitchen and bathroom(s)?

Original poster

startwig1982 · 28/03/2012 14:33

Sadly, no. I would be so embarrassed to have someone clean my house like that. Plus she'd need to do something first so they could actually get in to clean.

OP posts:

CreepyWeeBrackets · 28/03/2012 14:33

If it is anything like my sister's house, Lydia, it would be a total waste of money.

I have never understood the "total mess but it is CLEAN" statement. How can anyone do it? You can't clean cluttered surfaces with a week's worth of dirty plates on and you can't mop or vacuum floors if you can't see the floors.

A cleaner might swish around the lavatory but would she deal with the poo stains up the walls and the four turds which have been in the bath for a week?

Davsmum · 28/03/2012 14:38

I have a mate who is like this. She is not depressed or lazy.
She has 4 children and also works and she spends her time entertaining the kids and would rather have messy play with them or taking them out than be doing housework.

All of her family are messy and she doesn't teach the kiddies to be tidy at all which I think is a mistake,..BUT - she is the most welcoming loyal friend anyone can have. She is always there helping anyone who needs it.
Sometimes I have to grit my teeth when I go to her house and I can't stand the mess or the smells but I would rather do that than lose her as a friend.

aliceinboots · 28/03/2012 15:00

I find it quite comforting and reassuring to be in homes in a worst state than ours.

grobagsforever · 28/03/2012 19:39

creepyweebrackets that is so sad. poor DC.

Birdsgottafly · 28/03/2012 19:45

OP- if you gave a shit about your DN, then you wouldn't have to ask.

It is no joke for a child growing up in those conditions.

Birdsgottafly · 28/03/2012 19:46

Does the DD have clean bedding?

thepeoplesprincess · 28/03/2012 19:57

Marvellously helpful attitude Birds

Poor woman sounds very depressed.

Jinsei · 28/03/2012 20:04

My house is not as bad as your sister's, OP, but I do sometimes get very overwhelmed by it, particularly when I'm feeling low. I don't know why I struggle with this - at times, it seems easy to keep on top of things, but then at other times, I just don't know where to start. :(

I already know when my house is bad - only too well as I find it really depressing - and would probably be really annoyed if a family member commented on it, as I'd feel that I was being judged. However, I'd love it if my sister offered to help me clean - I'd probably bite her hand off.

I think the biggest problem for someone who is overwhelmed by housework is that they probably just don't know where to start. Having a buddy to tell them what to do & cheer them on would really help - if they aren't too ashamed of their mess to let you near it!

LydiaWickham · 29/03/2012 08:57

I would suggest you talk to her about it as it's not on for DCs to live like that - but offer to help her deep clean it. Get it in a decent state, make sure she has cleaning products (you might have to just swallow the cost on this).

You can't just say nothing to keep the peace, she needs help. Good luck!

TheCraicDealer · 29/03/2012 09:19

I think it sort of depends on what her attitude is. If she clearly feels awkward about having people round to the house she'd probably really appreciate the help, it might give her the impetus to sort it out and keep it clean. But if she's currently in blissful ignorance (which it sounds like, if she thinks this is a suitable environment for crawling babies and her own DD), then that could be a very uncomfortable conversation, she might not even recognise it's a problem

Imnotaslimjim · 29/03/2012 10:52

It could be that she's become overwhelmed with it. I got like this, and my house was terrible. I knew it, but didn't have the energy to start to sort it. One day a friend sat me down and told me it was a disgrace and offered to help. It took us a week, but I now have a routine and my house stays clean and mostly tidy, to the point where I've been able to set up a cake business from home!

Help her, if you can. But I will say one thing. Don't comment as you go! I was very grateful for my friends help, but he was a little too free with the sarcastic comments and I was on edge the whole time

Birdsgottafly · 29/03/2012 22:29

Thepeoplesprincess-the OP asked if she should help her clean or say nothing, so i answered. A child shouldn't be left in those conditions, the family should have been helping or forcing the sister into action. Sorry but the OP said that the child was often and becoming more ill, so i answered her straight without dressing it up.

skybluepearl · 30/03/2012 00:00

Ah you sound lovely. It sounds like you suspect that she is depressed. Having a cleaner house will help her feel a bit better - well it does help me anyway!

skybluepearl · 30/03/2012 00:01

Yes help your sis get on top of things and it will help her get into a routine maybe?

Campari · 30/03/2012 01:01

This is exactly the same situation my sister is in, and she was just the same when we lived at home - untidy, unclean, messy etc. Used to drive my mum to tears. Still does now when she visits.

By all means offer to help but don't be surprised if the house goes back to its usual state within a few days.

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