To have hollered at and upset the dc this morning<steam out of ears>

[MrsHeffley]

This morning I:-

put a name tag in dd's new school dress and hat
oversaw the rest of the dc's uniform(had to tighten trousers etc)
wrote a cheque for dinner money
sorted out a football kit(ds forgot again to sort it the night before)
checked homework was in bags and signed books
sorted some other paperwork for school
sorted out supermarket vouchers etc
plaited dd's hair
filled water bottles and sorted snacks
wiped faces

This afternoon I'm giving up my afternoon to help out in school and go to a school meeting.

The dc decided to have a big row over a Lego house they were building.I hollered up that I couldn't sort it as busy sorting their school stuff.It continued with 1 dc pestering me downstairs so I told them I was busy and to sort it out themselves.Cue more rowing soooooooo ......

I said no more Moshi bloody Monsters for the rest of the week and gave them a huge lecture on what I do for them and why,selfishness etc.I then turn round and dtwin 2 decides to carry on the argument hissing at his sister.

I then blew my stack,ordered the other 2 outside,shutting/slamming the door after them,sent him up to his room and said I had no intention of running to school and would now make them all late by eating my banana ie would only be thinking of myself.I also informed them that if we were late I would be taking them via the office.

Said twin hates being late for anything and got upset.I called the others back in and kind of hollered the list of what I'd done this morning and would be doing today.We then walk to school(just in time),I kissed them,said I loved them but dtwin2 was livid and wooden.

I feel like shit.Yes I should have done most of this the night before and got them to organise themselves better but we're all knackered and I had other paper work to do.I feel they should have listened the first time,sorted things out better.I know I should have calmly gone up and got them to talk it through but the shit was hitting the fan and I thought oh for goodness bloody sake,basically didn't have the time.

So should I have not hollered etc due to some of this being my fault or should kids get punished for not thinking of others?Actually kind of know I shouldn't have hollered, good mums talk it though calmly at all times but a little bit of me thinks 3 little people needed a reality check.

I can take it as feel shit and would welcome views and how others would handle this.

These things happen. They shouldn't but they do.
Don't beat yourself up about it.

I fully understand your frustration, and have done similar. However, I don't think they should be made to feel grateful for you helping out at school - I think it's a leap too far for the to see benefit to the common good is benefit for them.

You are a very bad mother.

Of course you're not.

I have no wise words, because, surely everyone loses their temper sometimes?

I hate, hate, hate it if I raise my voice - I feel like absolute shit and a failure when I do. But every now and then I get a red mist! It's usually extreme squabbling that does it. If I do lose my rag, I make sure I always apologise to the children afterwards as it what I would expect them to do.

You said it yourself "yes, I should have done most of this the night before". Or made them do some of it - the homework away, sports kit etc.

But, no YANBU, nothing wrong with kids knowing you get to the end of your limits sometimes. It happens in the better house anyway.

But also think about what you can do to make it less of a strain on you - set up a few systems & routines. We have done this and it makes life run a lot more smoothly most of the time. Also, nothing wrong with letting them live with the consequences ie. you remind them to put their homework in the bag as soon as they've finished it. Next morning you notice it's still sitting on the table. Resist! Say nothing! Let them forget it! It will only happen once or twice and then they'll be glad of the reminder rather than ignore it :o

I don't have any advice but I've done this before (and felt bad afterwards). In the whole scheme of things its not going to make much difference to your kids if its not often. It is much better to calmly talk things through but you'd have to be a saint or supernanny to do it all the time. I've got twins and another boy too and I don't think people realise how difficult it can be (I'm going to be picked up on that) but its hard when two are the same age. Don't worry and have some time for yourself today.

Exactly what better said

TBH I think kids seeing their parents are human and can get pissed off too if pushed far enough can do some kids the world of good.

Apologise your for your reaction if you must but also tell them why it got to that point and ask how they'd have felt in a similar situation. So long as it doesn't happen every morning I really wouldn't worry about it.

It's the sending them off after shite I hate. Keep thinking of them sitting in assembly feeling shit as I type.

So should I try with superhuman strength in these situations to keep calm.I get confused.Half of me thinks they need a dose of reality(you keep behaving badly people will blow/get upset)however I know that's not teaching them how to handle stress.

However having everybody around them putting up with selfish unreasonable behaviour with no consequences is not real life or good either

Oh dear dont beat yourself up too much, we're all only human.

Sounds like an average morning here. I'm going to get up earlier to see if it helps with the stress levels and their selective deafness issues when being asked to brush teeth, put on shoes etc

Nothing worse than on the days i work going off upset because i've shouted.

They won't be sat there feeling shit, they'll have forgotten it as soon as they got in.

I can absolutely guarantee that they forgot all about it within 35 seconds of being in school while you torture yourself about it.

It happens sometimes. I'd say about once a term in this house. Mornings can be stressful. Don't beat yourself up

This is a constant worry in my house. I'm raising 2 children alone and I sometimes get so upset with DD for being selfish but she is 11. Old enough for some responsibility but too young for me to expect her to stop and think about others most of the time.

Sometimes it's good for them to have exactly what you do for them pointed out to them. I just try and make sure DD knows however much I'm doing, I'm doing it out of love and I don't resent her for it. I just wish she would take my workload into consideration when she's creating a whole heap of extra work.

Don't beat yourself up over it. I once lost it with DD before school and when she came home I apologised but she had completely forgotten all about it. Once they are in school friends etc are more important :)

Everyone has mornings like this, it won't scar your kids, they might just realise you can't do everything yourself and it makes for an easier life all round when they pull their weight too.

I hope you stick to no moshi monsters, the weather is far too nice for computers.
(our house has already had this conversation)

No we shouldn't yell at our DC's in the morning, but we all do.
The DCs clearly aren't in the least bothered about it because they'll be no better tomorrow.

How old are they? They will almost certainly have forgotten about it by now, while you are worrying! I wouldn't try to keep calm with superhuman strength as I think you have a point about them understanding other people's limits.

2 points I try to remember when I'm thinking rationally

Pretend to lose your patience before you actually do. That way they can see that they've gone too far but you haven't actually lost control of your reaction yet and can say what you need to with a bit more consideration, rather than blowing steam. So don't try to keep it all sweetness and light, but no rants either.

Ask them what they could do to help to be responsible for their own things. And then provide whatever they need to help make this a habit - a list on their bedroom door?

If it makes you feel any better dd went off with no breakfast as she wouldn't get her arse out of bed, she also looks like Wurzel Gummage stuck in a hedge as she avoided the hairbrush.

I don't feel bad, if she'd have got her arse out of bed and let me brush her hair she wouldn't be feeling hungry around about now and she'd have tidy hair ! Valuable lesson learned mefinks.

YANBU we are all only human at the end of the day. I'm usually running about getting my 2 DDs stuff ready, packed lunches, getting myself ready, and DD1 is staring out the window with 1 sock on. Grrr.

I always feel rubbish after blowing the lid though, so make sure I apologise and explain to them why I blew the lid!

Thanks all,some really helpful advice and reassurance.Feeling better(amazing what a cup of caffeine can do too).