to just have one day to myself! But at the expense of letting down a friend?

[Newmummytobe79]

DH is working long shifts this week and DC was up a few times in the night so I'm not feeling great.

A friend is going for birthday lunch and I just can't face it.

On a normal day this wouldnt faze me, but I just can't face getting ready, packing everything up including pram as it's not walkable, and basically planning my whole day around going out for a two hour lunch.

I just want to scrape my hair back, get the house sorted, get a few necessities from the shop and maybe start on the garden whilst the weather is good.

I don't want to put make-up on and sit chatting with a fake smile on my face whilst I spend another day doing something for others when all I want is a hermit day on my own (whilst looking after DC of course!)

Before I get flamed for being flaky, I usually stick to all commitments and bend over backwards for everyone.

Today I feel mithered, tired and stressed and just want to stay at home!

AIBU?

Nope, YANBU. Your are legitimately not feeling well. You don't need to tell your friend anything more than that.

I think you should make the effort; if you stay at home you may end up wallowing in your own self-pity.

If you go, you will probably end up having a great time with friends and forget about not feeling too great just now.

Oh god do I hate that party line. "Go, you'll feel better."

How do you know she will? I know I wouldn't. I'd feel 100 times worse after.

OP, do what you want to do. Not what your friends want, not what you think you should do and certainly not what a bunch of strangers on the internet say you should do.

What you want to do.

I have pj day once a week! Yanbu

I think if you don't do this all the time your friend will understand if you are not well. I would let her know as soon as you can though x

I think it depends on how badly you would be letting your friend down. If it's a large gathering from which you'll barely be missed & your friend wouldn't be bothered by your absence then fair enough.
However if it's a very small group and she will be upset by your non attendance then YWBVU not to go. It is her birthday lunch & you had agreed to go. If you were ill that's different. It's a PITA I know, but I wouldn't see it as a good enough reason to let down a friend.

I agree with fuzzysnout - the question is how much do you want/need the day to yourself vs how much would you be letting your friend down?

If you would be letting your friend down a lot then maybe you should go.

If you would only be letting her down a little then don't go.

Now I'm making myself anxious with the thought of letting her down vs the relief I'll feel if I make a bloody decision and don't go.

I think I was an afterthought? I don't know who is going and the invite was along the lines of 'I'm going here, would be great if you could come'

I think it'll be mainly family and maybe one other friend I know?

I always test myself with 'how would I feel once I'm there?'
If you think you'll have a nice time and its just the baby/pram/journey stressing you out then go. Sometimes things like that are worse in your head.

If you genuinely feel you'll have a shit time, then forget it and explain you're ill.

Agree with it depends how much this will impact on her enjoyment of the day.

I have been to birthday celebrations were a few people decided that they couldn't face it and didn't come, leaving only 3/4 for what should have been 7/8. That makes quite a difference.

Can you text/email any of the others going and check they are still ok to go?

I feel your need for a 'me' day but have seen the looks on people's faces when their celebration turns into one or two people out for a quick coffee because life gets in the way...

Just text her saying you're poorly and spend the day doing what you want. Sometimes you just have to know when to put yourself first.

Have a nice day :)

If she's a friend she will understand!
YANBU
Enjoy your day!
I'm on a workplace stress course today- so may post some tips later;)

I'd stay home in my pyjamas.

X post.

If it is mainly family, I wouldn't be too worried. I would, however, call rather than text, wish her happy birthday, blame your DC for your non-attendance and invite her for a borthday drink soon.

From how the invite was worded, looks like she is not relying on certain numbers. Don't stress, make your decision, sort it out and then forget about it.

From the sound of the invitation you are not crucial to her enjoyment of the day, so you can cancel with a clear conscience.

Can you have your PJ day tomorrow instead - you can really look forward to it then.

OP, just for using the word "mither", you are absolved of all social responsiblities. I haven't heard that word for ages.:)

Phone her up, tell her how you are feeling, and invite her round for a brew instead

you are a genuine person who genuinely does not feel up to it. You should definitely stay at home and recharge your batteries. YANBU at all - just do it, enjoy it and make it up to your friend when you are feeling better.

Phone her. Not text, phonecall. Explain why you can't go. She will understand if she's a good friend - and if she doesn't understand, then she's not the friend she should be.