to say nothing in response to FB statuses detailing, hinting at or generally whingeing about health woes?

[ohbugrit]

Or would it be for the good of humankind if I were to crack one day and let rip with the string of uncharitable thoughts which are generated by such posts?

Oh, now I feel bad :(

My latest Facebook statuses have been me posting to let people know I've been in hospital (twice) and the long-awaited results of my MRI.

I have also posted a few times about how crap it is that I still have a gallbladder that doesn't work.

oh this is so annoying, i have LOADS of people who do this on mine

Make use of the delete button and chuck them off your friends list.
Seriously, why do you virtually surround yourself with people you dislike?

YANBU

I hate all of the above - plus the status that is just :(
I am NOT going to ask you what's wrong so do just fuck off.

Also hate people conducting arguments of FB. Very Jezza K.

Also any copy and pasted status. They make me unreasonably angry

Well if you were my FB friend, I would be sending only messages of sympathy and support.

Before my recent surgery, I went through my FB list to defriend anyone I thought might give me crap if I were ever to post about hospital food, pain, scarring, immobility etc.

None of those I defriended have rung or emailed or texted or anything, so I've hardly lost out.

Afternoondelight people have said that they do not mind people sharing real, important information. It is the attention seeking, vague, unimportant updates that are annoying.

Wishing you improving health.

On this thread they have, certainly. But some people out there do mind. Either because it's too distressing for them to think of the friend-who-is-always-there-for-them being in need of help... or else because it's mean and howwible of the sick friend in question to draw attention to the reality that sometimes people in their 40s and 30s and 20s do suffer from serious/life-limiting/terminal illnesses.

One of the people I recently defriended on FB had exploded in fury at me for 'daring' to tell her how ill I was.

I would rather stick to the vague and the cryptic and risk being dismissed as a attention-whoring hypochondriac. It's better than people hating you for being ill, when it's something, unfortunately, that you can do nothing about.

ah, see breastmilk, i'd not mind seeing an update like your's. People do use facebook to let others know how they're coping, especially with an on-going health issue, and that's great; it can be a very good way of keeping lots of people updated at once, plus it gives your friends the information without 'requiring' a response from them (I think people - even if they care very much indeed! - can find it tricky to get updates via email as they feel a need then to give a concerned/fresh/lengthy response each time). So I really am not against people wanting to use facebook honestly and directly to communicate something. I think the difference is in the intent and in the directness. Vague or attention-seeking posts feel very passive-aggressive and are not really fair to others, as they actually can make a (good, concerned) friend feel worried or scared when there is no need to be...it's sort of like that sterotype of the marytr-y elderly mum, making vague moany noises about her health while also reminding you how much she has to do that day - IYSWIM. It can make the reader/listener feel manipulated.

If your 'friends' were put off by your direct comments about your illness and your life, I'd think maybe they were not such good friends...

Will swap you for my SIL, when she last visited from America she fed her family the most shocking diet I have ever seen consisting of Dr Pepper, chocolate and deep fried meat. Since then she has discovered whole food veganism and my goodness, she loves to post about it. This morning she was complaining about the free breakfast served at her DDs school contained refined flour and fruit (& milkshake which I can see her point about). Luckily she would never let DD have that sort of thing. For someone whose body is a temple she also has many many minor ailments that she enjoys sharing. She also talks about "her art" and "the industry" as she is doing a course about film making

Facebook isn't compulsory! Get off it or hide the people that you don't like.

What should people be posting? ALL FB statuses are attention seeking!

So true...

Breastmilk - really sorry to hear youre going through what sounds like a very worrying time. Can i pick your brain? when you post vague comments about your health what is the actual motivation? Cos i can just about understand clear, honest updates that open up genuine conversation but if your posts only hint then what can people say?

Sorry if being insensitive, im genuinely interested.

No, thanks for asking - I will explain

1. I'm frightened about being too direct because I worry about that I will upset people or scare them away. As I think I said upthread, there are people who are determined to believe that nobody below that age of 80 ever gets seriously ill, and will run away in terror from anyone who demonstrates otherwise.

2. I worry about how FB is essentially the 'public domain'. I worry that, if my workplace knew how ill I was, my career prospects would be hindered not only by my illness itself but by the stigma it carries.

3. I don't want to face up to how ill I am. For many years, I honestly believed that my symptoms were stress related, and tended to dismiss myself as an attention-seeking drama queen. And so, even now that I know my illness is very real and very serious, I am more comfortable with being one of those annoying whiny people everyone on FB loves to hate than an actual 'sick' person.

Does that make any sense?

But equally, I am learning a lot from this thread, finding it helpful and challenging.

I think I will try and post something more direct...

That seems quite sad to me, Breastmik, it seems like you would like to be more open and i think in the main people would respond well to that.

Ah, x-post
There is nothing shameful or wrong about wanting support when dealing with a serious illness, hope you can feel a bit more comfortable about it.

Breastmilk that's interesting and it does beg the question as to why you post those kind of statuses on Facebook at all? I don't really understand what you want to get out of it if it isn't directly informing friends in an open way. You might not be doing yourself many favours in the long run TBH

Poating about an illness in a vague way means that people can do the venting without being too direct. a Breastmilk say, there are lots of reasons why you wouldn't want anyone to know ditectly. I can completely see why it would be cathartic to post vaguely about it and this is why, when confronted with these updates, I just say (hugs). It's pretty obvious that they don't want any more than to get a little sympathy and when you're not at your best there's no harm in that.

*posting

Breastmilk,

It really doesn't matter if you annoy people with your status updates. Either they will come on here and moan about you or they will defriend you, but as you say the people who do know and care are the important ones.

On point 1 above, you say people might respond with interest. Do you then go on to give more detail? Would it be easier to send a private message to certain people? Or change your settings so that most people can't see your wall, only the ones you know are supportive of you?

This is where FB fails massively, people are 'friends' with a variety of aquaintences from all walks of life and cannot juggle them. I am only friends on FB with RL friends, there is nobody I have never met or a friend of a friend. Because of this, all my FB friends are supportive, interested in what I have to say and can deal with bad news as well as good.

True. I'm sorry.

But I've just done a little experiment and status-updated to a carefully selected group that I'm in lots of pain and fed up with being unable to lift DS for a cuddle. Within an hour of posting anything I usually get 5-10 likes and 2-3 comments: in the past 90 minutes I've had nothing.

I'm not going to take it personally and go off in a huff, but I think the sudden drop in reponses does demonstrate that FB really isn't the right forum for genuine health dramas. Which probably makes the OP's point.

Genuine question, why do you have people on fb you don't like?