Does anyone else have a husband who spends a ridiculous amount of money on gifts you don't particularly want-I feel a right ungrateful cow but...

[NotInTheMood]

Its our 5th wedding anniversary today and I told dh the other day not to buy me anything because he always ends up getting something I do not really need or use. I hinted at a new chain for my necklace or a trip to out local theatre to see Phantom if he were to get me anything. If not just flowers and chocolates. Anyway he was all excited at getting me gift (secretly hoping phantom tickets/jewellery). Any he pulls out a swarovski bag was my first thought. So I open it and their are two wine glasses. I thanked him as they are nice glasses but was secretly disappointed and felt even worse because I knew they are very expensive and I feel sick. I hate wasting money. For one we will rarely use them or id be afraid and two I have no where to store and display them.

I've just looked at the website and they were £240 for 2!!!!!! I was disputing the other day about spending £20 on a set of four glasses which I did really like. I feel very ungrateful but for that price I want to love then not like them!!!! I keep thinking of how many Tiffany bracelets I could buy or how we could of used that money towards a holiday. I feel a bit upset and angry that he's spent a huge amount of out money on something we do not need and something I didn't particularly want. If he had brought flowers and chocolates id be a lot happier. I feel like a spoilt, ungrateful child iykwim. I think I am going to have to tell him... Its like he's being thoughtful but thoughtless iykwim as he doesn't seem to know me by now. He did this a few years ago I ended up getting a refund and getting something else that I loved for £10 instead of the £100 he had spent!!!

Any chance of taking them back? If he bought them on a credit card you could phone the company for a statement and try that in lieu of a receipt. Or just ask him for a receipt.

Yes, I know it's a bit mean but my mother (bless her) was like this and in the end I came to think of it as her wasting her money on affectionate gestures that weren't necessary, so I was a little bit firm. I'd far rather she's spent the money on herself. The tipping-point was a coffee table I didn't even have room for. We'd have had to live under it. It did feel awful at the time (telling her "No") but it was worth it in the long run.

I do know what you mean - I eBayed the Orla Kiely bag my DH got me for Xmas because the colour inside was vile (IMO), and last Xmas he got me some Kacoste shoes, which are cute but don't really fit (who buys shoes as a present and doesn't keep the receipt?). Fortunately - or not - my DH knows me so well that as soon as I opened the bag he saw my reaction and said "you don't likeit, do you?", so I had the opportunity to be honest. Instill feel like a bitch though.

Have you tried communicating properly?

Telling him not to buy you anything and then hinting for him to buy you a new chain for your necklace, theatre tickets, flowers or chocolates is just confusing surely?

I agree with worra (I normally do though) why not say - 'i'd like to see phantom of the opera for our anniversary please'

Problem solved.

I actually told him sat that there were things I needed and wanted that I knew he would not get me so I told him not to get me anything except flowers. I said that he always buys me something that is expensive that I will not use. he brought me the glasses yesterday so that went well!!! I drink lambrusco and lambrini ffs because expensive wine makes me ill common as muck me

I'm in the same boat.
Dh was made redundant last year and we're only just about on an even keel now. So our first wedding anniversary was last August and we'd agreed on no gifts, we exchanged cards and had a nice meal at home. He then gives me a tiffany's box. With a beautiful necklace inside.
I still haven't worn it!
It came up during a disagreement at the weekend and I told him firmly that I will never ever wear it, simply because we had made an agreement and at the time it cost as much as a month's food shopping. There's me scrimping and saving to provide a stable family life for dd so she didn't notice how bad things were and he spunked £250 on a necklace!

Then there's Christmas. We agree a budget, £200 each so fairly sizeable, only apparently this is my budget, he can spend what he likes. So come Christmas morning he has a modest pile of gifts, lots of little bits and bobs that I've thought he'll like and one biggish thing. Then there's my pile, and I mean pile. It's ridiculous. It makes me feel churlish and not like opening a single thing. It's difficult as he has put a lot of thought into it and bought me things he knows I'll love, but I'd rather not waste the money! He just doesn't get it at all.

But on Mother's Day, all I got was 2 bunches of (value) tulips and a "card" from dd - a sheet of A4 folded in half and drawn on in biro. He drives me mental!

I think you can communicate clearly but, out of the best of motives, sometimes they want to "surprise" you, or they get into a "must treat you" where the cost is an indicator of specialness. Or they panic.

DH has done this a couple of times. I have been quite clear about what I wanted, but it wasn't deemed special enough.

I left the phantom page on the net and actually said id like a chain but but he said he could find one so hint dropping ignored. I feel annoyed, upset and disappointed surely he should know be by now I am not a difficult women to please but he will make out that I am! I just think its a waste. If it were a watch or a every day item then maybe. I will use the glass get pissed and break them!!!

Although to be fair he has often bought or arranged the perfect thing

I rather he just went and brought something I wanted instead of trying to surprise me! If I want a pink watch don't go and but me a blue watch!!!

Your dh sounds just like mine! In our first two years together I got the Swarovski cocktail glasses, red wine glasses and champagne glasses. Along with a whole load of other Swarovski stuff.

I tried dropping hints, it simply doesn't work. As of last birthday I told it like it is. 'dh, please don't buy me anything I haven't specifically asked for anymore. You choose lovely things but there are other things I would like more. Such as a new camera, an iPad etcetc. Please buy me one of those instead'.

It's the only way. It does sound horrible, but then you feel horrible at the moment anyway because it sounds ungrateful, so you may as well feel horrible and actually get what you want.

I have taken to emailing dh the link to things I'd like on the Internet, and I send quite a few, so I know I'll get a surprise as well as it being something I want.

Yes, I know I sound grabby and entitled, but I have enough Swarovski!

Tell him the gift for the 5th wedding anniversary is supposed to be wood and ask him to take them back

Don't worry, dear, I once refused a diamond ring (by implication both the ring and the proposal)! Never saw the ring again, but did get the proposal again later, when it was more welcome.

After years of receiving an unwanted pair of earrings every year Christmas and Birthday, I began to tell my husband what I wanted - hints were ignored. So say I said oh I'd like a book and gave him the title, he'd say yeah good idea, why don't you order it then?

Then when the children were old enough to want to get Mummy something, I started buying things to help him and hiding them so he could magically produce them for the kids to wrap. Eventually he said it would be easier if I just bought what I wanted and wrapped it myself. I knew it would come to that!

leave the bastard

Fabulous stealth boast, well done

My DH used to do this - i absolutely HATE jewelry - I've cured him of it now. I buy things I want, like books, and voila - they appear. Ahhh Life is much better when it's simple

My BIL is the worst. One year he bought my sister ear rings for every occasion. She got them for her birthday, Valentines day, Mothers day and their anniversary. Two of the pairs were the exact same. We still laugh.

my dh use to do this

i had 3 hideous eternity rings

hes now my xdh

just glad eternity wasnt that long

Is there any hope he got them free/cheap/raffle prize? Otherwise, that's just offensive.

My dh did this at Xmas last year, went shopping after a work do and then came home all excited about his gift. It was a pair of v extravagant earrings in a colour I rarely wear. Suitable for say, a red carpet event or a black tie do... I nearly wept thinking about all the stuff I could have got with the money but he is such a sortie I can't bear to take them back. I wi 'll be very clear about not buying me jewellery next year without it being something I've chosen. A bit sad actually because I really can't just weAr them for fun.

sweetie

FFS talk to your DHs.

Squishycinnamon I am completely at your post.

I hate to say it. But this comes across as very ungrateful. Maybe they havent chosen what you wanted but they have have bought a gift with good intentions. I would feel awful if I reacted like this to a present someone gave me.

helpyourself I come across as a right ungrateful bitch don't I?
There's just so much more back story - I'm a saver and dh is a spender and pay for it later. It really stresses me out, hence my rant.