AIBU to want to kick my daughter (18) right up the arse

[lolaflores]

I am sitting here with gritted teeth trying not to cry. How is it that this ungrateful wagon wanders around in a cloud of selfishness that nothing seems to penetrate? My fault inherently, so should I really want to kick myself right up the arse? The simplest of requests is treated with complete disdain, or as if I have asked for a kidney transplant. I raised her, I know, but I thought I had raised a person with at least a scintilla of consideration for those who she lives with. But NO. We are people she met once.
SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE.
Oh and any sugggestions as to how to right this imbalance are gratefully received.

Kick her right up the arse and see what happens. I told my 16yo he was incredibly rude this morning after he'd dismissed as trivial something I'd said. He knew from my tone of voice that only an abject apology would save him.

I think you have to look at teenagers like toddlers, but larger and with added sarcasm. My son calls it being egotestical (yep, correct spelling, think about it) when it's teenage boys being that way.

I didn't say anything cos I may well have cried with anger. I do that. There are times when I simply do not have the energy to deal with her looking a fight so she can be the queen of sorrows. She is at home now for easter. let the good times role.
So a teenager naughty step? Ah, no more money...that should sort it

I feel your pain. I'm hoping that in 10-20 years, my nearly 18 year old will become consistently human, instead of only when she wants something

Cut off all money, electricity to her room and only provide basic food. Tell her things will improve once she's adjusted her attitude. You have to be cruel to be kind

If she is at home for Easter where has she been?

Is she at Uni normally? I guess it must be strange to get used to being with parents again after the freedom of living away, not that that excuses her behaviour in any way though.

For a minute there I thought you were my DM posting in c.1996. I was horrendous at 18 and I honestly don't know how they put up with me.

I suspect your DD is frustrated, confused, and in desperate need of being responsible for her own life but without the guts or life skills to be able to do anything about it. And obviously in her head, it's all YOUR FAULT!

Or at least that's what it was with me. I hope I'm a reasonable human being now. I certainly have a better relationship with my DPs.

No advice about how to get through it though (I have all of this to come). Someone wise will be along no doubt.

No advice really sorry just take faith that all late teens really think the world owes them a favour and they should not have to do anything to get it. It will pass and just try to ignore so your friendship still there. That said my adorable 18 year old has had lots of yellings just recently and in the short term seems to have worked... well we will find out when he returns home next week !!

God I thought you were talking about an 18 month old!

I'd tell her if she can't be civil she can go back to uni for the holidays
They'll have a room in a hall someone

she is at uni. think of cutting off sustenace, warmth and light. giver her something to fucking moan about. wagon.
it is the look on the face that does it.l...you know the one. dumb insolence and why are you still; here..

I remember staying at university for the holidays as my parents were so annoying what with their dull working lives, hum drum mortgage paying, insistence on it being their house. And not liking the kitten I had brought home for me them.

Selfish bastards

Does she have a job? You should make her have a p/t job. Too many young folks these days feel entitled to everything without giving anything.

Perhaps if you can sit down with her and try and let her know as calmly as you can just how much her actions are hurting you, she's prob in a world of her own and can't even see how much of a brat she is being.*

*no kids, based on my 18 year oldness

I think most teens go through a stage like this , has she always been like this through her teens?

Don't kick her up the bottom - hit her where it hurts in the pocket. if you give her pocket money because she still lives at home, dont. if you pay for her phone, dont. if she lives away from home then ask her to either behave like a member of your family and be nice or behave like a lodger and pay up when she is home. sorry i just dont buy all this " teenagers are all like this so just let them carry on until they grow out of it" because i wasnt allowed to be and neither are my kids. i bet you will still drop her off at the station/out with her friends/pick her up from somewhere today even though she has been vile to you. well dont. if she wants to be treated like your daughter then she should behave like it. (feeling very menopausal today and you may be able to tell this from my post!)

mummymeister jsut ran through that list with my DH on the phone. it is a no from us in future. she does have a p/t job weekends. but for the rest of the holidays, she is going to be "occupying" a room here. with that face.

She has been a madam for many years now and has the ability to switch into hyper whinge since the age of 5. the first sign of me no likeee, off she goes. wears you down over time. but, I shall be an equal hard ass with her as she takes the piss out of our generosity towards her. takes but won't give.

Things do get better. They grow out of it, on the whole. Even when you do your absolute best, most children go through phases when they seem very, very selfish. Can you give yourself a little treat? Meet up with mates, have some time with proper, civilised adults.

good on you lolaflores have one on me or

don't minmd if I do mummymeister ta muchly