To find playgroup hard...

[glittertree]

AIBU ...to find playgroup hard going ? I go because I have a 11 month old girl and I want her to get used to other children.... At first it was ok a few people spoke and I made a very big effort to talk to people but as time has gone on Ive noticed its all very cliquey with people all just huddled into little groups...which is fair enough we dont have to be the best of friends...then there are the leaders who make snide comments about who puts the toys away etc,who left early who does the most...I never get there early enough to help put the toys out but always make sure I am there to tidy up.... Having had children before i have been members of these comittes and after years of being on them decide I wouldnt bother as it always turns into a bitchfest about who does what....Am I being unreasonable to hate the bitchy side of this I am starting to dread going ...especially the days when your there and everyone is just staring at the floor I am trying really I am.....

im in the same position as hard boiled and gargula,

also i disagree with worra

I wonder if some of the perceived cliqueyness is just that - perceived?
I know that when I was running late with toddlers to nursery etc, I sometimes felt that everyone was looking at us and thinking hmm late again! But having been on the other side and seen stressed parents with toddlers, I DON'T think 'tut tut' but more of 'I've been there!'

I never let myself feel excluded - I just find something else to do/someone else to talk to.

Maybe these 'looks', in some cases are just blank because their thoughts are elsewhere? But then again, I do tend to do as Gargula and float about, blithely unaware!

Gargula I am the same - bewildered by the agonising that goes on here about playgroups/school run. Maybe i have been lucky or just very unobservant but never encountered or witnessed "bitchiness" at any playgroup I have ever attended or at the school gate.

ive been to several playgroups

i didnt feel like i fitted in at any of them,the same reasons ,ignored when i went in , parents in little groups chatting, leaders that didnt introduce themselves when u went in and just left u to guess where u payed ETc

i started going to one in a church that my friend ran, was totally different, all the mums and grans were lovely, ive recently took over running it with one of the other mums as my friends little one is going off to nursery

we both make new parents and children feel welcome, tell them they get a cuppa and snacks and juice for the kids that we put out , i try and make everyone feel included, when we ve sorted the snacks out i try and go round and have a chat with everyone and if a mum is sitting on her own ill introduce her to someone

i feel from my own experiences that little things go a long way

its awful when u go somewhere new and no one tries talking to u

glittertree if you went back in time 20 years i could have written the OP.

Luckily I am in a city so there were other places to go, other playgroups to try
Look around and see if there's any baby singing groups, music, etc etc
Or if you are friendly with someone with kids around the same age arrange to meet in each others house one day a week
Far friendlier and more relaxing

New to MN! Bear with me!

I've tried have many playgroups over the years. Some have been really hard work where nobody makes eye contact with you, leaders don't introduce you to anyone etc etc, Others are great and there are loads of smiley mums, dads and carers who make you feel welcome. You need to try a few out until you feel comfy and at home as everyone is different and responds to situations in their own way. I always think that groups could do with a sort of buddy system to welcome new people, explain about teas/coffees, where the toilets are etc...

Granule you've encapsulated what I've been unable to put my finger on: " the martyr-like hierarchy". Some groups are very like this. At my closest one there are quite a few Childminders there with their charges. There was ongoing moaning about the tidy-up rota and the organiser's friend, also a childminder, stood up and RANTED about how there was no reason at all why every single person couldn't sign up to the various rotas - tidy-up, child snacks, singing etc. There was just an awful silence. And no one pointed out that some of us had other pressures - I had had no sleep AT ALL that night with my teething twins, my friend was on her first trip out post EMCS and could barely stand, and another girl was telling us she had spent the night in hospital with her husband who has cancer.Yet the childminder, who was being paid to be there and probably had had sleep, felt it appropriate to crap on about how she felt some of us took the piss. Gah!

Find another group OP. There really are good and bad ones!