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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just follow DMother's advice and drop out of uni?

37 replies

FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 03:07

(Note, before I start. She was against me going to uni before I had DS. Even more so now he's here, and I'm a single parent, trying to juggle this on my own)

I recently took a year out of university for a number of reasons. The past few months, I've worked my backside off to get myself back into a fit state for uni; volunteering, getting DS into nursery, getting myself into a study ethic.

Last week, I had the information pack for enrolling on the second year emailed to me. I'm in the process of trying to choose the modules for the free choice options, and wondering how the hell I'm going to manage this. Most modules seem to start at 9am. There's a breakfast club that starts at 8am at the school I put down as DS's first choice. But even then, it gives me an hour to travel the 24 miles to university (I don't drive, nor fly, nor do I own a TARDIS, despite multiple proposals to Matt Smith) Even if I get there on time for a leture/seminar, I then have to get back to DS's school for lunchtime (damn half days) and have no idea how I'm going to manage this.

WIBU to ask if anyone can turn me into WonderWoman? Or should I just do as DMother suggests, take the credits from first year, and just accept it's never going to happen? :(

OP posts:
kickassangel · 26/03/2012 03:12

Does the uni have child care? I'm assuming your ds is only just starting school if it's half days, so does he have to go? Could you then use other child are instead that fits in with uni?

There are a lot of student mums who can prob help with ideas, try bumping in the morning

Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 03:23

There is childcare at uni, but they only take them up until they're due to start school. I'm not 100% on whether he has to start in September, or if it can be delayed til January when it's full time. The only childminder I know in the area lives in an area which isn't easily accessible by public transport before 8am (know this from when I used her whilst at college in this town) Could probably use her for after school, it's the mornings that are going to drive me crazy; don't know anyone sending their DC to the so that option's out of the window.

Gah, I personally think the uni should give me a 1st with Honours just for working this out (if I can).... Grin Will bump in the morning.

OP posts:
bushymcbush · 26/03/2012 03:47

Have you thought about moving closer to uni? Potentially you could be there another 2 years so it's worth considering.

bushymcbush · 26/03/2012 03:50

Oh, and please don't be offended by my choice of language here (2 week old dd has not yet allowed me a single moment of sleep tonight so I'm feeling pretty crude) but...

Fuck your mother.

Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 03:50

I'm phoning the local council tomorrow, to start putting wheels into progress. I'm also, at the moment, a bit dubious about the state of my current house (leaky roof in kitchen) so a move may be needed anyway. But the move closer to uni is definitely being thought about (subject to much protest from DMother... I ma not send her the new address Wink )

OP posts:
Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 03:51

Sorry about the typos... Most un-Frothy like... Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 03:52

And Bushy, that was the advice offered by several friends... Grin

Hope you get some sleep soon. Congratulations on the new arrival.

OP posts:
fridakahlo · 26/03/2012 03:57

Could your mother not help you out? Perhaps if you said something along the lines of 'I know you don't think it's the best decision for me to study but I want to do it, esp as it could lead to oppurtunties for both myself and dc (children whose mothers have degrees are more likely to obtain one themselves). Is there no way you could see to helping me, your child, achieve her dream?'
Or would that not have the desired effect? Good luck anyway, I hope you work something out.

Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 04:05

DMother, (un)fortunately lives 2,000 miles away. I've been offered help by best friend, but she's studying as well, lives in said city, and has some lectures and seminars with me, so the help she can offer is limited.

Although, I do love your potential speech, FridaKahlo... Grin

OP posts:
fridakahlo · 26/03/2012 04:08

Ah, slight problem with plane journeys then. Is there a bus that would get you there close to nine am, if not on the dot. Better late than never?

Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 04:14

The earliest I could get there, having worked it out would be 9:30 (ish), dependant on me getting a taxi cross town to the train station on the mornings I have a nine am start.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrothyDragon · 26/03/2012 04:16

WIBU to ask the school to start at 7am, so I can get to uni 30 minutes early, and have time for a coffee? Grin

OP posts:
Iteotwawki · 26/03/2012 04:29

No suggestions on how to handle your time scheduling but echo Bushy's comment re your mother - you are studying presumably to give yourself and your child/family more options in life! Good luck.

CatitaInaHatita · 26/03/2012 05:18

Hiya Frothy: I think the suggestion you move nearer the university is your best option tbh. Otherwise the journey time is going to be a problem not just for next semester, but all the rest as well. You still have time to work that out. Plus then -perhaps- you might also be able to find a childminder to take DS on a part-time basis, when or of you end up with modules in a afternoon. If you were in a short bus trip range from uni, this would reduce greatly your need for child too.
I think you have worked too hard to give up now. I don't think your mum is being particularly supportive and you perhaps should avoid talking to her until you have got this sorted as she will continue to undermine your confidence in your ability if you carry in discussing it with her.

CatitaInaHatita · 26/03/2012 05:20

childcare obviously. It certainly won't reduce your need for your DS. Sorry!

wildswans · 26/03/2012 05:35

I don't understand why your mother isn't encouraging you. Is she jealous of you?

Can you change your modules so you don't have to start so early? Can you home-school (and put DC in a creche at the uni?). Speak to the uni - they will have someone who is employed to help students including this sort of problem. Perhaps they can find you somewhere to live much closer to the uni or perhaps put you in touch with another student in the same position so you can help each other. There must be others with the same situation.

Just don't give up or you will regret it later. Not sure why your mother lives 2000 miles away but it doesn't sound as though it's far enough!

vvviola · 26/03/2012 05:44

Could you look for a childminder along the bus route to uni who would drop/collect when needed.

So you could get bus with your DS to point X. Drop at childminder. Get on next bus. Go to uni. Childminder then brings DS to school - avoiding need for breakfast club?

Childminder could then pick up after school when needed too?

Or - could you swap childcare with another parent? Uni holidays and school holidays are (in my experience) fairly similar. So you could see if someone would do mornings for you in exchange for you taking their DC for some days during holidays?

I'm sure the student union might be able to help with some ideas also...

I'll be in a similar situation myself in July... Haven't quite started to work out the logistics for myself... maybe I should take some of my own advice! Grin

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 26/03/2012 05:55

Re your mum go on tge offensive have a go and tell her disappointed you are tgat she is not her to her grandson or her daughter and demand that she does something to fix it. Grin

Re ds, have you called tge childcare/provision/schools advice line at the council? They will have details of all the clubs/cm etc and there may be one you've missed. Also have you spoken to student support at uni? You won't be they only one and they may have something up their sleeve?

Dustinthewind · 26/03/2012 06:41

'I don't understand why your mother isn't encouraging you. Is she jealous of you?'

My mother loves me, and worries that I take too much on board. So it is the sort of suggestion that she'd come up with if she saw me getting stressed and depressed about trying to juggle all the balls I have going. So I am selective about what I tell her on occasion, because she would worry and say things I didn't want to hear.

InAnyOtherSoil · 26/03/2012 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoomCatsofCognitiveDissonance · 26/03/2012 08:32

Hi frothy, sorry to hear you're having these issues.

I second what inany says - if they see how difficult it is for you, they might move the course? Personally if I were teaching I would be bending over backwards to schedule the course so someone with genuine difficulties attending could make it.

If you can move nearer I think that would be good too - it sounds like you are too far away for it to be practical - it is a long way. But do university not have any mother and child accommodation? If they don't/it's full, IMO you have a good case for saying how it is hard for you to get nearer.

I'd urge you to carry on and I think your mum is being defeatist and a bit off, TBH.

doctordwt · 26/03/2012 09:13

Move closer to uni!

Get onto it now - start looking at schools as near as you can (if you're going to move, try and make it really cost-effective if you can by being in walking distance of both school and uni- is that possible?)

The closer you are the more you will be able to get involved - evening seminars and socials etc. there'll be other students with children, and you'll be in a position to get to know them better and maybe forge friendships. This latter makes a difference to the academic side too - getting together to brainstorm, sharing that text that's always out of the library over a weekend. You'll do much better and feel more part of it if you're closer and you won't always be racing to get your ds (or having to see him doing hours of after school care). Those hours earmarked for expensive travel will be study time instead...

And yes, ignore your mum!

cory · 26/03/2012 09:31

Moving the course may not be a possibility: if the university is anything like mine, they will be having a desperate squeeze as it is to fit the timetable around different module combinations, availability of teaching rooms, availability of lecturers (who will be teaching several different years groups and also likely to have other commitments).

If they can't start at 9 in the morning because of parents with school age children (and presumably not after a certain time in the afternoon, either), it will make the whole exercise impossible.

The problem is that there are so many mature students these days that if you bent over backwards for childcare on one course, there probably isn't a single module where somebody else didn't have the same problems.

I'd look for a childminder. That's what I did to be able to get to lectures on time.

Scholes34 · 26/03/2012 09:31

I think my mum is also from the same mould as Dustinthewind's!

Break this mammoth thing down. It's two years - not for ever - so there will be an end to any logistical nightmare you're about to put yourself through, and I'm guessing that over those two years, it will be three ten week terms, so you will have a break from it at various points in the year. And during those three terms, you'll only have 9.00 am starts on a few days in the week.

Moving closer to College seems a good idea, but you may also find there's a possible lift available from where you're living now.

You must be assigned to a tutor at college who is able to help out with pastoral care and issues like the one you're experiencing at the moment. There's more help out there than you know.

Heswall · 26/03/2012 09:33

I dropped out and regret it every day, honestly be late for uni, nobody cares but stick with it.