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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off that I didn't get a mothers day card and now I haven't had a birthday card?

21 replies

LalasMama · 25/03/2012 10:25

"d"p thinks I'm being childish. Last week I didn't get a mothers day card. Kids are 2 and 9 months. He said he forgot and was too busy. He didn't forget because he nagged me all the week before to get his mum a specific face cream for mothers day.

Today is my birthday. Haven't had a card or anything. What's worse is we had organised to go for a picnic with another family but he has decided to go to the pub with his friend. He had promised to take me shopping this morning but no sign of that happening.

Sorry if I am being unreasonable but I don't feel very appreciated at the moment :(

OP posts:

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 25/03/2012 10:29

YANBU to feel upset with him, can't he give the pub a miss for one day to spend your birthday with you and the children? Selfish man, tell him to sort out his own mother's presents from now on, don't run around looking for specific face cream again.

Callisto · 25/03/2012 10:34

He sounds horrid actually. Poor you. Does he have any saving graces?

leddeeburdee · 25/03/2012 10:38

YANBU. That isn't on. Is he normally so unappreciative of you?

AlbertoFrog · 25/03/2012 10:38

YANBU

My DH is rubbish at presents but I always get a card. No excuse these days when you can pick them up any old place.

I hope you manage to salvage the day and enjoy yourself without the selfish oaf.

boohoohoo · 25/03/2012 10:47

Happy Birthday, I hope you manage to have a nice day with your friends. I'm sorry though, I couldn't be with someone like that, if you love someone surely you want to do nice things for them?

Don't let someone treat you badly, your worth more than that.

SamuelWestsMistress · 25/03/2012 10:49

YANBU. You should stop bothering with his and see how he likes it. Nothing worse than feeling like you're unappreciated!

I sometimes half joke about being his "Woman cook" and not actually a proper wife...but that tends to be when I'm slightly pre-menstrual

Mine gets his mum to choose cards and gifts because he's always too busy to do it himself. Only exception is Christmas.

Even our anniversary card is chosen by her at his request! Better than nothing but that one particularly pisses me off!

YouOldSlag · 25/03/2012 10:50

YANBU OP. He is taking you for granted and you must feel very unappreciated.

Make it VERY VERY clear to him how hurt your feelings are. It's clear it's not about presents to you, just the thought that counts but you're not even getting that.

It's totally unacceptable and I would be fuming if my DH was so heartless and indifferent to me.

catgirl1976 · 25/03/2012 10:53

YANBU :( He is being totally selfish and uncaring

Hope you manage to have a lovely birthday despite this

exexe · 25/03/2012 10:53

Happy Birthday.

I never get cards or gifts from dh but it doesn't bother me as I know what he's like and he's generous and kind in other ways.

Why has he decided to go to the pub when plans were already in place?
Why is he not taking you shopping like he promised?
These things would upset me more than a lack of a card.

HappyJustToBe · 25/03/2012 11:01

YANBU.

(Happy Birthday)

Sootie · 25/03/2012 11:09

I had the same problem on Friday. It was my birthday and my husband spent the whole day at work - literally from 6am to 12am the next morning. He didn't do anything for me on Mother's day either...although he did do all the washing up and cleaning that day, but no card/flowers.

I told him the day before my birthday that his present to me is an eye full of tears every year as he never does anything for me. I posted a thread about it on here too.

Is your husband appreciative in other ways? My husband doesn't think adults should celebrate their birthdays and neither do his family make a big deal of birthdays, which is the opposite to my family.

Sorry, just read your OP again and he's gone off to the pub with a friend? That's just wrong if he's promised to take you shopping. YANBU to be upset - it's horrible when someone you care for doesn't make you feel special on your birthday. The advice I got from my thread was that to tell my husband exactly what I want to do and what I want so he knows for the day. I know it's probably too late now, but I hope you have a lovely birthday with your friends (I ended up spending mine with family). Power to the Aries!!

QuintessentialShadows · 25/03/2012 11:12

How upsetting.

Is he being deliberately horrible because it is your birthday and you are expecting him to be caring towards you?

CheshireDing · 25/03/2012 11:14

OP your DH sounds rubbish (and Sootie's) isn't much better :(

Happy Birthday for today and maybe you should do what Sootie was told and say exactly what you would like to do if he is that bad.

Also why are you getting his Mum the face cream, if he is that arsed but doesn't have time he could probably buy it on line. Sod doing that, it's his Mum.

blackeyedsusan · 25/03/2012 11:17

leave the bastard... in the pub and go and have a lovely time with you friends. tell them where he has gone on you birthday and get some sympathy from them.

Happy Birthday!

nobutyeahbut · 25/03/2012 11:23

Happy birthday!

YANBU he sounds mean and uncaring.

I would take myself off shopping and treat myself - sod him.

lurkinginthebackground · 25/03/2012 11:25

Happy Birthday.
YANBU
Go on the picnic, if he doesn't go tell your friends exactly where he is, don't make excuses for him embarrasing as it may be.

Don't buy his mother's present again, let her know what an inconsiderate arse her son is.
I didn't get anything the 1st year I was a mother and it hurt as I always made sure I bought gifts and cards for his side of the family.
It's not about the actual gift it is the fact that he hasn't shown thought and consideration for you.

Make sure too that you get "me" time.
Go somewhere with a friend and leave him to care for the kids. You will be surprised how much he suddenly learns to value you.

HoneyMurcott · 25/03/2012 11:40

No one should ever be too busy to make an effort on their partner's birthday. Ever. He is using you. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is what it is. Perhaps you should ring his mother and tell her what you haven't had for birthday and mother's day as she unwraps her nice face cream. Here's what you do. You are owed a day of shopping, spa movies, dinner with the girls. You plan a weekend with the girlfriends. You do not ask permission. You tell him that you are taking this because he so cavalierly treated you like shit on your bdy. Then you do the spa, lunch with girls, and movie in the evening to cover tea, bath and bedtime with the kids, natch, and you treat yourself big time. You deserve this.

fionabruise · 25/03/2012 11:43

Happy Birthday

YADNBU

WittyTitle · 25/03/2012 11:48

NO offence OP but he sounds ghastly....tell him straight what you told us. (send him a link lol)

I would go off and enjoy your birthday with your children, tell the other family he has something really embarrasing too.

Happy birthday!

storytopper · 25/03/2012 11:49

Happy birthday. Some men (and women) aren't into cards and presents but that obviously isn't the case here if he thinks it is important to get something for his DM. Some cheek asking you to buy it, though, if he then doesn't bother to get anything for you. I'm surprised he didn't ask her to buy your card or present.

Totally out of order ignoring your birthday and going out with friends. Apart from obviously hurting your feelings it sets a very bad example to the DCs.

gobbledegook1 · 25/03/2012 12:28

I would not only be upset but I would be livid. He sounds like an arsehole.

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