I know I ABU but please, please help :-(

[bigshinydinosaur]

Background......my son has just started seeing his father. He is almost 6. His Dad got in touch via Facebook and has had him overnight last night for the first time. They are both getting on great and my son is really benefiting from it all.

I am not handling it very well at all. I am very anxious about the whole situation but can't quite pinpoint why I am. I have been messaging his Dad a lot each day either by text or via Facebook really long messages just pouring my heart out about why I'm
finding it so hard.

We had a chat yesterday when I dropped him off and I felt better for a while but then last night I had major anxiety and ended up phoning his Dad in tears and waffling on for about 15 minutes. After repeating himself several times he ended up saying he was going and saud goodbye.

I have no idea what my problem is at al. His Dad has answered all my questions and queries but I have no idea how to get rid of this huge anxiety/worry that I have.

Ruling my life at the moment and making me very miserable :-(

"I just know he's not going to let his son down, can sense it."

This guy hasn't been in your child's life before, ever, hasn't seen your child for the past 6 years and you "just know" he's not going to let his son down???? I'm sorry honey but he's done it for the past 6 years so you'd be wise to exercise caution on that one.

LittleEsme says it all so well, slow down. And yes, that does mean that you can say that although DS stayed with the ex this time you're unwilling to allow it again until you're confident that they know each other and that you feel secure with the situation, which you clearly don't atm. A month is nothing and tbh I'm a bit shocked/surprised/personally uncomfortable that you've let your child stay with your ex, a total stranger to your son and little more than that to you.

Slow down, as doctordwt says, if the ex is a decent man and father he will understand. If he's not then your anxiety and my misgivings are justified.

TBH you two need to rebuild a relationship as well if this is to work - not a romantic one, but a friendly one. I am sure if you said that to him he'd understand, if he's being as decent as you suggest.

My xp was terrible to live with on so many levels, and he had a failed relationship with another child before I came on the scene as well, but one thing he was very good about was being friendly to the mothers of his children. He used to do some quite thoughtful things like arrange for nice family outings altogether, so it wasn't just about swooping the child off and leaving the mother stranded at home worrying about things, while the child got indulged. I think that was a good plan.

OP Do you think you're anxious because you are waiting for the bubble to burst and you're left with a ds wondering why his daddy has lost interest.

When you say you want reassurance from him, what do you mean. I know you said that you can't pinpoint your feelings, but you mentioned the reassurance thing more than once, so I wonder what it it that you would like him to say? If you could hear any sentence from him, what would it be?