I am, apparently, childish, and dare I say unreasonable

[troisgarcons]

face of sucking lemons mixed with shock @ the cheek<

I did do a thread, which several of you kindly advised made a situation very identifiable, so I requested it be pulled some 3 weeks ago.

I'm not sure if I can give the bones of the situation without identifying the rather unique situation again.

Suffice to say, an acquaintance I have, I cut out distanced my self from, has today text me asking if I will let her child play with my child.

I said no, it was inappropriate in the circumstances (possible police investigation)

She said I was childish and "taking it out on the children"

I did tell my son (previously) that if he wanted to play with the child in the park, then I didnt have an issue with that (nice child) BUT he was never to get into a car with either the Mother or the current sociopath partner and he was never to allow himself to be coerced into going to the house.

FWIW - my child hasnt asked to play with hers. He accepts the situation. But is having nightmares about her violent partner.

I actually have no intention of pursuing the text conversation further. I said my bit politely, coherantly, full grammar with punctuation in place. No is no and I don't have to justify why.

I'm just reeling with the fecking cheek of the woman.

I assume the violent partner has done something to you, your partner or your child and this may result in a police investigation?

If so, then certainly YANBU. If it's that bad that it's a danger to get into a car with them then it would be NUTS to let them play together (I assume at your house or theirs)

Would contact weaken any case, anyway?

I have no idea what's happened, so it's all wild speculation on my part!

Eh?

The situation is so unique it's a one off ....

But if I cut my situation out of the equation - would you be happy for your children to play with someone who lived in a house with a known violent convicted criminal?

Personally I'm not. And without actually putting it in a telephone conversation (I dont really do text) that her partner isnt going anywhere near any of my children ever again - and she can fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when she gets there she can fuck off all over again because I dont trust her judgement with my child. That would just inflame the situation wouldnt it?

Spo waht I'm really asking is... as a parent, I dont have to justify to anyone waht decisions I make about my parenting decisions do I?

arrgh - I can spell honest - I just cant type

No you don't.
'No' is a complete sentence...

No - you don't have to justify your decisions, and if I am reading the situation correctly, the partner has displayed his temper to some degree around you and/or your child?

Definitely NBU.

Of course you don't have to justify your decision to anyone!

There are plenty of parents who don't want their DCs to go to places for far less reason than what you've written.

I'm sure you've been called worse things on MN before

Just and if she contacts you again, before ignoring her.

I'm not answering her texts - simply because I wont be drawn. But realisticaly because being ignored irritates the feck out of some people and makes her texts bordering on the hysteria.

I have no desire to engage. Im not rude, honest . Therefore I ignore.

conversation went:

Her Can x play with Mini Trois today?
Me: no, its inappropriate at the moment.
Her: you are an x y z and taking it out on the children
Me ~~ignore~~

5 hours later:

her: can X see Mini Trois tomorrow?
me: Sorry we have plans for tomorow
Her : you are a worse XYZ and can do some sexual things with yourself because you are childish and taking it out on the children.

me ~~mega ignore and not respond~~

I don't know the legalities of the situation if there is a police investigation but I presume that her dc has nothing to do with what has gone on and is just an inn

Argh, bloody phone!
Is just an innocent person caught in the middle. Imagine if all kids who come from violent homes were deemed inappropriate kids to play with, how would that make them feel?

I feel sorry for the child who has to live there, but your df is your priority.

• ds.

I think it's best not to get involved and continue as you are...politely saying no and not responding to the name calling - sounds like this lady just wants to drag you into another argument. It is a shame if the kids get on, but protecting your child is your priority and you can't apologise for that.

Can her child come to you or would the situation deem that that would be inappropriate ?

Trying to sort out a time when her DC can come over and play would just encourage this woman to carry on trying to bully the OP into doing as she says maddening.

Her tactics would have worked.

Inappropriate. The woman facilitated some behaviour my son was witness to.

Therefore i'm not going to hinder a pending police investigation

it is very difficult, TBH, neither child should have a friendship stopped - but I cannot have her child in my house (as DH is the instigator of the police investigation) - neither would I allow my child to go to her house (inappropriate parenting)

Common ground, a park, etc, with neither of us having interaction wouldnt be an issue - but as I said before , my son has "compartmentalised" the issue and doesnt show any interest in seeing the other child. The thought of her partner is giving him nightmares.

From what I would gather, I would do the same as you. So no YANBU. How about one clear message saying something like "in current circumstances it is sadly inappropriate for mini trois to play with her DC, and you and DH will not be changing your minds. If the situation changes, and mini trois expresses a desire to play with her DC then you will get back in touch."

Or alternatively just block her number - but will than mean she then starts coming round and knocking on your door? If so I would send one clear text, then if anything escalates, you have proof that you politely said that you didn't want to be in contact.

She should have thought of her child when her partner turned out to be unhinged. It's not your problem trois and certainly not your fault, and you don't have to justify anything! Just keep on ignoring her, and if she catches you in person and says something about "taking it out on the kids" tell her so. She's the one who can fix it, by getting rid of him.

Just as a matter of interest, is her ds safe? Or do you need to get SS involved? In which case you really need no contact of any kind.

Her Ds's safe? not in my opinon, but I'm not qualified to have an opinion. The only opinion i have is a parental one and hell would freeze over before I let my DS near her house and her current partner.

SS informed ? I believe there is an ongoing investigation.

What are you actually asking here? A mad, abusive woman who swears at you wants your kid to play with yours, despite you instigating criminal proceedings against her violent partner.

You said no, as any sane person would.

Why do you have her number in your phone? I don't get it. Yabu for even engaging with this pish.

Calling you a whatever and telling you to whatsit yourself is a really good way to persuade you to let your DS go round to her house. You are so unreasonable not to be swayed by her cogent arguments, her indisputable logic, her dignity in the face of your irrational antipathy. This is a woman who clearly wants to do the best for her child, and you are preventing her from providing his playmate of choice on the pretty feeble grounds that there is a violent sociopath on the premises.

A cynic might suggest that she is so very keen to have your DC over because it might prejudice the legal proceedings, but I'm sure the thought never crossed her mind.

I think that you are leaving yourself open to being identified in this thread too - the other mum will be able to recognise the incident from what you've written.

However, you (v.understandably) can't give the full backstory so I am a bit at a loss as to what to say, other than to say that if there is an ongoing investigation I would think very long and hard about posting anything at all on here or any other internet forum for that matter about this incident.

With out knowing the full ins and outs no one can give you balanced advice, all it will achieve is that it will give the other party another stick to beat you with - 'Trois slagged our X off all over the internet' and at worst could land you in bother.

Stay well away and stop posting about this in case she identifies you. I think you know the answer.