AIBU about stag do or just stingy I suspect stingy : )

[Mrsjay]

Ok so My husband is best man for his friend he is a few years younger than us and TBH a bit of a lad , The stag do was mentioned to me last night i was [shocked] A friend of the groom suggested 4 days in spain and the groom thought it was a great idea , Dh was going to organise a night at the pub , so now Dh has to renew his passport pay for flights and a hotel have spending money . and TBH im a bit peeved at what it might cost ,and then we have the wedding a few weeks later new clothes a present

im just being stingy eh ? whatever happened to a pub crawl and tying the groom to a lampost

No- not stingy! That's looking at close to £500 for what is effectively a long weekend piss up abroad.

yep i know My dh said the same but he is going to go , I wouldnt moan about it to him But its a lot of money to go and get drunk , I dont understand the who stag and hen weekends anyway seems such an expense to the wedding ,

YANBU, unless of course you happen to have a spare £500 that you can't think what to do with.

That is ridiculous, and actually, my DH wouldn't go. £500 is fine if it is loose change, but for us that is the difference between having a week away and not having a holiday at all. Feel sorry for your DH as he is a bit stuck really.

If you have the equivalent budget allocated to you for something, then i don't see the problem, tbh.

Sometimes you have to push the boat out, to celebrate major events with family or good friends.

YANBU I'm horrified by the amount people are expected to spend on stag does and hen nights. Weekends in Spain or Portugal seem to be the norm now.
DP and I get married in May, we weren't planning on doing anything, but our friends aren't letting us get away with that, so he's going for a beer and curry night and I'm spending the day at a health spa.

well it isnt really loose change and Tbh the more i think about it the more annoyed im getting I know i was being a tad light hearted with my title , and yes my husband sees at a one off stag do for his friend they are more than friends as MIL used to look after him when he was little , I just dont know why people think its ok to go on these sorts of jollys not everybody has endless pots of money , If i was a bridesmaid for a hen do i would probably try and go because that would be what the bride wants ,

He is the best man though, isn't he and from what it sounds they are very close.

Unless it really eats into the family budget, where you would have to give up things thenit is what i would be happy to spend.

If my DP objected then i would get into dept and pay it off out of my money, i wouldn't let my freind down and i would want to be there.

debt

Most on MN are not going to agree, tbh, they seemed to live in a world were they don't spend money on anything fun and memory making, are happy to give presents to people etc.

I personally value holidays and time spent with family/friends.

Oh he isnt going to let him down birds he wouldnt do that its just me having a bit of a moan on here and TBH i wouldnt want DH not to go either ,

YANBU!! £500 for a jolly in Spain that you would rather not go on! I can see that it will be difficult for Mrsjay's husband to refuse to go in the circumstances but so many people organise stag/hen do's that are way over the top these days. My daughter's partner has been asked to a stag do in Birmingham - 2 nights costing nearly £300. They really can't afford it but, because it's an old friend, don't like to say no.
Well done to Pandygirl for bucking the trend!

All he has to say is 'I won't be able to go, it's too expensive'. No one should feel obliged to spend the best part of £500 indulging the whims of selfish brides and grooms.

You are right to want to moan - but as you say, he won't let him down......it is just one of those things...unless you really really can't afford it.

*Most on MN are not going to agree, tbh, they seemed to live in a world were they don't spend money on anything fun and memory making, are happy to give presents to people etc.

I personally value holidays and time spent with family/friends.*

Birds- it's not that "most on MN" don't want to spend money on fun and memory making, it's very often because they CAN'T.

A single man going on a four day bender abroad is more flexible and has fewer obligations than a father with a family to support.

I am sure the OP wouldn't be posting if she had wads of cash lying around but that's obviously not the case.

If my DH spent £500 on a stag weekend then me and the kids would have to go without an annual holiday. We're not people who don't value holidays and time spent with family/friends - quite the opposite!

It's not letting someone down if you don't have £500 to spend on a weekend away.

Your DH is under no obligation to go, despite the rudeness of his friend in putting him in this position.

Well, if your DH is the best man, then he should be the one organising it, his obvious first mistake was not to arrange a stag do first that was in his budget.

Is it already all arranged? Could he talk to the groom and arrange something in the UK? Perhaps suggest to the groom that not everyone could afford that, or afford the holiday allowance. (so it's not just your DH.) I would say the norm now is at least a night away, so that in the UK, only having to pay for one night somewhere, some day time activity, a dinner then book them into a club in that town (don't just leave it to the last min as trying to get a group of drunk men into a club is tricky), full english the following morning and then all home. That also gives people the option of mixing and matching, coming along for part or all of it.

Unfortunately, the norm now is spending around £500 or so. Luckily, DH is running out of unmarried friends. Less happy about running out of unmarried female friends, I have no excuse for a spa weekend with a group of giggly mates....

But that's ridiculous, the idea that declining to spend £500 on a stag do is letting someone down

Not going to the wedding might be letting someone down.

I think YANBU at all.

If your DH wants to go, fine, but don't let him pretend that he has to go.

YANBU, my sister is getting married this year, the hen do is 3 days in benidorm £150, and the stag do that my DP is going on is a weekend in newquay £150, and none of that is including drinking money! I said no to the hen do even though I'm a bridesmaid.

Think you maybe getting off lightly, My daughters partner has been to Germany and Las Vegas!!!! on stag do's and at least two in this country and thats just this year !!!!!!!!!!! Its certainly different from a drink in the local pub. A bit unfair of the groom/bride to put their friends in such an awkward position, no-one wants to be seen as the poor relation but some of these trips would pay for a family holiday.

YANBU
I think it's terribly inconsiderate from people to suggest such expensive events.
It's lovely that the groom and Dh are close and if he really wants to do something special for the occasion then he can spend a bit more on the gift.
This sort of thing makes me really angry.....

YANBU but neither do you need new clothes for the wedding...I've worn the same dress for the past 3 weddings I've been to and DH has worn the same suit. As long as you're not the bride, no-one cares.

YANBU It never ceases to amaze me how some people seem to think they have the right to dictate how other's spend their money.

Dh was only asked to be best man last week so he was looking to organise it and the groom phoned him to say he fancied spain after HIS other friend suggested it , wow @ lasvagas I havnt really got anything to wear I havnt been to a wedding in years , I guess the grooms and brides want a good time something to remember for their Dos just seems a bit excessive to go abroad for a Stag/hen do

Well then if it's not actually all booked, get your DH to call back the Groom and say he can't afford it, the money or the 2 days off work this year, and that he probably won't be the only one, the groom will then have to do some thinking about what sort of stag do he wants, one with all his friends, or one with just the rich ones. (He's also allowed 2 stag dos if he wants to do the spain trip then something cheaper in the UK with those who can't afford money/time for Spain - just make it clear that your DH won't be organising them both!)

A weekend in the UK should be relatively ok price wise, cheap B&B at the coast or Travelodge (do some good deals), train or groups driving on the saturday morning, night out and some sort of activity for Saturday afternoon, hangovers and travelling back on the sunday. (This gives people the option of going to all or only bits of it)

But get your DH to get all over organising now - it'll be a nightmare otherwise (and not to book anything until he's got the money - or at least part of it - from everyone).