To think that if you are off nursery ill you should be resting

[RachelWalsh]

Not getting dragged on adults errands and then taken to the park all day.

Ds's dad and I have shared care - he has been off nursery since needing picked up early on wednesday with a nasty virus - initially a bout of vomiting then a rash, generally out of sorts complaining of a sore tummy and occasional high temperature. He is usually at his dads on a Wednesday night but asked to stay here then i looked after him during the day on Thursday - quiet games in the house, plenty of rest etc. he went to his dads Thursday night as usual, his dad had said he would take the day off on Friday to look after him. It turns out his dads idea of looking after a sick child involves being out of the house all day running errands with his dad(don't want to say what as would be a detail too far) and then playing in the park. (Just as an additional detail although this could get an AIBU all of its own my son also told me that his dad let him do a poo in some bushes in the play park - NICE!) he came home last night tearful and tired and still ill, rashy and with a high temperature.

So AIBU to think that is not really the ideal looking after an ill child strategy?

Perhaps he had perked up by Friday morning and his dad thought some fresh air would do him good? Might not have been a good idea but I'm sure his dad thought he was ok at the time.

And you weren't at the park so you don't know how the 'poo incident' happened. If he's been ill perhaps he was a bit 'loose' and needed to go then and there and his dad didn't have time to find anywhere to take him? At least he did it in some bushes, not at the bottom of a slide or on a park bench or somewhere!

I suppose I just had it drummed into me as a child that if you are off ill you stay in and rest. I suppose he might have thought he was better although he certainly didn't seem at all better by the time he got home, exhausted.

His dad does irritate the shit out of me though so its clearly a factor in my response!

YANBU especially with stomach viruses and if he came home like that. Not to mention if he has a virus he could well be contagious and have spread it around-especially in the play area. Fresh air may help kids, but not when possibly contagious and not when in a play area which i presume has all manner of play stuff which will over excite the. He could have easily taken your child for a short walk: quiter, less chance of infecting others and less chance of over exerting.

Dad may not have thought of those factors though, he may just have bowed to your son's wants in an effort to perk him up. Or suggested it for the same reason.

Realise this will sound like drip feeding, not intentional, he did also say he played with a "smaller boy" at the park who may well be ill by now too.

He's just a bit feckless I suppose, no great harm done. I do worry that when he starts school and attendance is more important that he will try and get to stay off because when you stay off you get to go the park and have McDonald's for lunch (drip,drip, I KNOW!).

I get that I have no control over how his dad parents (and nor should I have) it's just difficult when ds is ill and he isn't looking after him the way I think he should, or rather the way I would.

I've had to take ill children out with me & if he was in the fresh air he's be less likely to share his germs than he would at nursery. Did you offer to have him on Thursday yourself?

Well, I've had to take ill child to work with me, so YAB a little U.

Do you mean on Friday? His dad offered to take the day off and look after him. We share care so it makes sense that it wouldn't just be me looking after him when he's ill. I had him at home with me on Thursday because he had stayed at my house Wednesday night (would usually be at his dads).

I don't think his dad "had" to take him out with him, I think he thought a day off work would be a good opportunity to catch up on errands, which he must have rearranged for during the day on friday, despite the fact that ds was ill.

I probably am being a bit unreasonable. I just get fed up having to deal with the aftermath of his dads version of looking after him.

Your ex sounds like an idiot to me. No you're not unreasonable at all. Getting him over tired can only make the virus worse. Well there must be a reason if the two of you are not together!