to think that dp should be able to choose his own best man?

[LaDiDaDi]

Dp and me are getting married in August, mil is kicking off because dp has asked a lifelong friend who we see frequently to be his best man. She thinks dp should choose his brother who we see infrequently at family events. She is threatening not to come to the wedding if dp doesn't choose his brother and says that she is "disgusted" at dp but that she "doesn't blame" me .

I am really annoyed with mil who I think should keep her nose out of it all and who imo is clearly showing her favoritism to dp's brother.

I am expecting her to ring me today and will struggle to keep my cool.

What should I say?

My SIL tried to tell her DD and then future son in law that they couldn't invite one of son in laws best friends to the wedding. They told her where to get off, as they were paying for at least half the wedding.

My mum is doing a similar thing st the moment. We have had-

Gripes about who is and isn't invited

Moaning about it being to far ie. Where we live and not where she lives.

Accusations of us being awkward by not wanting a wedding list or presents or money.

So I feel your pain!

It seems that she is playing a power game that she is trying to assert control over her sons life at the time she is about to lose him to another woman.

Stand firm on the best man issue, I sense she is calling your bluff. If you give in she will probably pull that same stunt the next time about the wedding doesn't suit her.

I've found that if I tell her as little as possible about the arrangements, she can't mump and moan about it.

I was going to say that if the in-laws were stumping up a large amount of wedge for the wedding you might have to humour them/her. However on reflection even if they were paying for it all it should be as a gift given in love for their son and daughter to be.

Is it an old fashioned view to insist on a relative being the best man? I don't recall it as any particular tradition.

I though it was the groom's choice, he sends his "best man" to go and get his intended from her tribe. I've bee a best man a few times but I think this was because I was seen as expendable. :)

I think politely ignoring the request is best, you aren't marrying the mother-in-law.

As the mother of a grown-up son I would not expect to have any input AT ALL in his choice of best man; he would tell me to fuck off be a bit annoyed if I even tried! (not that I would)

I agree with abdicating all responsibility for it if she starts on at you - it's your DP's choice anyway.

FWIW my DH is one of 3 brothers - none of them had one of the others as best man. Older BIL had FIL, DH had his best mate (both had the other brothers as ushers though) and I have no idea if/who younger BIL is having when he gets married later this year.

We did 'have' to have older BIL as Godfather to DD though as he doesn't have kids of his own (his choice entirely). That was an easier call though I just said "Fine, DD can have 2 GF's as well as 2 GM's" and asked our best man too!

8 years later she has a much closer relationship with her 'honorary' uncle than her real one.

In America they sometimes have more than one 'groomsman' - could you go down that route? Perhaps they could each look after one ring and one could do the more formal stuff and the other one arrange stag do?

yanbu. dp is nbu.

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

You have reminded me about the trrouble with sil/mil and the wedding. silly really. annoying your ds/dil o dd/sil is not a good idea when in a couple of years time you want to be seeing the grandchildren and wondering why you don't.

Just say to her "It's his choice - nothing to do with me, but obviously I'll support whatever he decides".

If she wants to moan, she should at least have the decency to moan at him, not you.

I have been to a wedding with 2 best men. 1 from Uni days and 1 from school. They were also in charge of different tasks, they also did a joint speech, which was very funny.

God, what an utter pain in the arse.

I quite like what Bluddy suggested :o

But really - could she not just let her son choose his own best man and STFU about it?

I would stay well out of it and refuse to get drawn into conversation about it.

Quint has it spot on, imo.

sorry you feel that way, we'll misss you on the day, of course.

Totally accept that she's not coming. She can't be allowed to manipulate you.

What next? Call your first child Betty after my mother or I won't babysit
Move next door to me or I'll disinherit you

You can't let people blackmail you into doing what they want. Let her carry out her threat if she wants to. Enjoy your day with or without her. The only people who have to be there are you and your fiancé!

So far I have escaped having a direct discussion about it but I really don't think she will let it drop without a big fuss.

Oh well, will see what the weekend brings.

lequeen please don't tell me your BIL went ahead with the wedding? That would send all kind of warning signs to me.

Op good luck with the mother in law and hope you and the soon to be MrLadidadi stand firm in the face of her daft behaviour.

thats a shame Lequeen about your husband not being best man when my dh refused his brother i dont think BIL was that fussed they dont really get on and are not close . Mil wanted it for show iyswim , why do people get so involved in weddings who should be invited etc etc