Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To swear at DH because I got home late from work to find nothing done

14 replies

minesawhitewine · 22/03/2012 23:43

Had a shit day at work and ended up being in the office until 10.00pm trying to sort out a contract. Got in, totally knackered to be greeted by a grumpy DH who was pissed off at me coming home late and I find that no washing done, no kids lunches made for tomorrow, just everything still to do really and I can't be arsed it's so late

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2012 23:48

I'd say YANBU to be annoyed (depending on why it wasn't done)..not sure about the swearing.

But given the fact there have been so many threads by SAHM's who have had an entire day to do a bit of housework, yet their DH's are supposed to apparently come in from a long day at work and do these things without question...it's hard to say which way this thread will go

amistillsexy · 22/03/2012 23:48

Don't do it.
Let him deal with the kid's lunches either now or in the morning.
Let him do the washing up either now or in the morning/tomorrow evening.

You should not have to do it, just because you are the one who'd like it done. He needs to do it, as he was at home 'on duty' while you were stuck at work.

Try not to get angry, as then it will be about you getting cross with him, and not him being a lazy arse.

Try and keep calm, go to bed and tell him you willl be getting up and going to work/school run as usual in the morning. If the kid's lunches aren't there, they can have a school lunch for a day, and if the kitchen isn't cleaned when you come home, get a takeaway for you and DCs until he does it.

Original poster

minesawhitewine · 22/03/2012 23:50

We both work full time

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2012 23:52

See amistillsexy's post kind of proves my point.

No question of 'why he couldn't/didn't do it'

Is he a SAHD or has he been at work too all day?

Did he have to take the kids to various clubs and back?

Was everything else done...like baths, bedtime stories, a home cooked meal?

None of those questions were asked before advising you no to do it.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2012 23:53

*not to do it

Now had you been a man starting the same thread....well I wonder.

IAmBooyhoo · 22/03/2012 23:55

i dont think it's even a case of OP wanting these things done. these things need to be done. children need food for their lunch, clothes need to be cleaned, dishes need to be washed. if it was cleaning the skirting boards or ironing a curtains that might look nice in the spare room then OP would be UR but these things are daily essentials and not optional in my book. how dare he leave that all for her to start at 10pm when he has been home since what 6? why shouldn't he have those things done?

YANBU OP. i would probably have sworn too. i'm amgry for you.

marathonrunner · 23/03/2012 08:24

YANBU. What time did he get home? Are you expected to do these jobs everyday even though you both work full time? I can't believe he just sat there until that late at night with all that stuff that needed doing with the expectation (presumably) that you would do it when you got back. What a cheek!!

EightiesChick · 23/03/2012 08:33

OK, well, it sounds to me like this stuff should have been done by the person at home, but depending on the OP's usual home set up, can't say yet how likely an expectation that was.

Are making the lunches and doing washing usually 'your jobs'? If so, then you need to have a discussion about how you divide up housework if you both work FT. Does he usually do these things when you work late? If so, then does he have some reason for not doing them today (was it a really shit day for him at work?) We just don't know your usual routine and thus the expectations that either of you have.

I think partners who work FT should aim to split housework, but if that hasn't been the case in your household till now, you need to address that as a general principle. If it usually is split but tonight your DH hasn't done his share, I would at least ask him why before having a go.

squeakytoy · 23/03/2012 08:41

I think there are a lot of factors. How old are the kids for a start? Could they make their own lunches? Does washing really need to be done.. I am sure it could wait another day.

I also wonder if there was any communication during the evening... my husband is a bit gormless at times, and would lie on the sofa watching telly without thinking about what might need doing, but if I were to text him and say "can you do the lunches/bung some washing in the dryer", he would do it.

Then if I got home and it hadnt been done for no good reason, I would be a bit pissed off, but to me communication is the key to a happy life, and I dont expect anyone to be a mindreader, or assume that they will have the initiative to do things without prompting.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 23/03/2012 09:28

YANBU! I'd have sworn too! DH and I both work FT - he has a 2 hr commute, mine is 1/2 hr. When I get home, DD gets her bottle, bath and bed. Then I do her bottles for the next day, pack our bags, tidy up and do the washing up, by which time he's home and starts dinner (he likes to cook). If roles were reversed on the occasional evening I'd expect him to do everything I'd be doing if I was in. It's not rocket science and you're not expecting him to be a mindreader! How do these guys think things get done - by the Brownies?!

nomoreparties · 23/03/2012 09:31

I think it depends what else DH has been doing and how long he's been in the house. If you normally share evening jobs, then presumably he's had to pick up lots of the things you might otherwise have done.

the nights DH is late home and I do everything myself I am always considerably more knackered than when he is about. And I might well think (re e.g. lunches that can quite reasonably be done in the morning) that I've done enough and they can wait ...

BelleEnd · 23/03/2012 09:36

I am with WorraLiberty - Did the DH prepare a meal? Did he entertain the children, bath them, and put them to bed? If so, I think that making a packed lunch takes 5 minutes and it's not unreasonable to ask you to do them that evening or in the morning. As for the washing, maybe he was just tired and thought it could wait.
You had a bad day at work- Maybe he did too, and maybe the children were being boisterous and annoying in the evening, and maybe he did his best.

bubby64 · 23/03/2012 09:49

YADNBU - I was also late home last night from work, and found DH and DC snuggled up on sofa with leftovers of tea all around them (no tea for me, as he said "he was not sure what time I'd get in, and didnt want it ruined"), washing dumped in an unfolded heap on the chair (the DC got it in off the line, not DH) dogs/cats not fed not fed, boys not ready for bed, and a general mess all around (house had been fairly tidy when I left for work at 8am) I was furious with my DH too - ok, I work PT, but the 2 days I do work are long days (11hrs+).

ScorpionQueen · 23/03/2012 09:52

Sometimes I have a day at home and the house is sparkling when DH comes home. Sometimes other (invisible) jobs take up my time. It is the same for him. Maybe the kids were playing up or he was tired.

I agree, if a woman had started a thread about their DH coming home and swearing at them because the house wasn't tidy/washing-up not done/lunches not made there would be uproar and everyone would be telling you to leave him!

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread