This has been bothering me since Sunday - would you have done this?

[hathorinareddress]

So, the DD's and me were out to lunch in a local carvery place on Sunday.

Little girl (about 18mths or so) obviously unwell, very grizzly, out to lunch with what I took to be parents, grandparents and an aunt and uncle.

She's in front of me at the servery for the carvery - mum is carrying her, she's flushed and grizzly, coughing, snotty.

Carvery server/chef says "Awh she's not very happy" and the mum says "yes she was up all night vomiting and she's very clingy"

I know it was Mother's Day and all, but would you have taken a child who'd been up all night being sick to a carvery and let her breath/snot all over the food? Or AIBU to think they should have stayed at home? Or even kept her at the table so she didn't germ all over everyone else's food? Or am I just a grumpy old harridan?

By the sounds of it in the OP's situation this wasn't the case, but it's the attitude similar to some of the other posters on here that mean I haven't been out for a meal with DS since he was 6 months old. He is now 17 months, still has severe reflux. Last time I took him out he vomited everywhere and I had all sorts of comments along the lines of "what sort of a mother takes a sick child out?" and "a child who's vomiting should be at home." sigh Maybe one day I'll get to take him out.

Er, am I the only one who thinks you are being a little bit unreasonable?? Kids are ill ALL the time. If I refused to go out on every single occasion that DS had a snotty nose, we'd never see the light of day again. Granted, if a kid's on the verge of throwing up, holding them over a carvery isn't great manners. If the situation was exactly as you describe, I would probably have given the outing a miss, but you don't know if it was a trip that had been planned for ages, with relatives they rarely see.

You can't isolate yourself and your kids from every germ and bug - and don't be too judgey about the mum. We don't all get it 100% right all the time.

I didn't say anything about a child with reflux - I've had 2 of those, and one even had pyloric stenosis, which was rather dramatic until it was fixed.

This was a child who was obviously unwell, snotty nose, red cheeks, crying, whinging, coughing.

As I said, in the scenario I would have expected one of us to stay at home with the child, or have a dinner in the house.

I just felt it was unfair to the child to drag her out when she was so obviously not well, and it wasn't what I would personally have done, so I asked the question.

OP, as I said this doesn't seem to be the situation in your case, I was just a tad annoyed by some of the other replies to your post (not helped in our case by DS being tiny for his age & looking a bit ill/gaunt all the time anyway - am utterly fed up with hospital admissions & nobody having any solutions).

I do however agree with a lot of what gilbert said, especially their last paragraph.

I wasn't too judgey - if I'd been that judgey I'd have said something to her at the time

WRT reflux - he will probably grow out of it, though if you search for threads I've started you'll see that my DD has started to be a food refusnik again aged 13 so I certainly can't claim to have all the answers

but you don't know if it was a trip that had been planned for ages, with relatives they rarely see.

What difference would it make if it was? Regardless of the fact that you would be spreading germs, as you say, we encounter germs every day, it cruel to take an ill and miserable child out and expect it to behave in a social situation. A child who is crying and wants to be at home in bed should not be removed from that bed in any circumstances short of the house being on fire! And certainly not just because you have had a pub lunch booked with Uncle John and Auntie Jane for 3 months FFS priorities!! A sick child trumps any social event every time.

Ah-ha, fair point! I'm fairly sure I know some people who actually would have said something (MIL for one, can't take her anywhere without her attacking someone ).

(will have a search for your posts, might be useful to know for the future! Keep being told he'll grow out of it but not so far. Am just a bit sensitive at the moment as paed fears it's contributing to other developmental delays so they've been discussing more invasive treatment)

Bogey that's exactly my thoughts - If I'd a child that was as sick as that wee one was on Sunday I'd have stayed at home - why couldn't they have had a meal at home instead? like chinese takeaway which my DD1 wanted

I wouldn't have taken her out for both the reason that she'll be passing on germs and that she's obviously unwell and should be tucked up at home, not dragged out to dinner!

YANBU

Now I'm immunocompromised, I'm a lot more judgey about dragging out ill children. However, I was always judgey about ill people in an eaterie, so gross!

Even if your dc has reflux rather than anything contagious, is it really appropriate to take a child likely to "vomit everywhere" to a restaurant? It's thoroughly unpleasant for other diners, not to mention the poor staff who have to clear up. BionicEmu I hope your DS outgrows his reflux soon but surely consideration for others (rather than fear of criticism) is a good enough reason not to take him to places where people have paid to enjoy a nice meal...

Unfortunately sometimes it's unavoidable to eat in public. If we have to I always bring a smock & have always offered to clean any mess up myself. (& yes, I have even fled back to the car before to eat to avoid the situation). I have never taken him anywhere particularly "nice" & TBH would rather cope with his medical condition than somebody else's little brat darling throwing food around. It's also the case that DS can bring back food several hours after eating it, so quite possibly anywhere at all. Unless you're suggesting I don't take him anywhere? I would echo the point that "consideration for others" is a good thing to have.