To expect that if a present is the wrong size, DH would change it ....

[ohmygosh123]

and not decide that as it didn't fit properly, and I said he needed to take it back, that means I shouldn't get something else instead.

He got me a bracelet for Valentine's Day. Unfortunately its the right size for a skinny teenager and looks silly on me. Although to quote him - it fitted the teenage shop assistant like a necklace, so its not his fault I'm the wrong size. Not sure I believe that - but not going to argue the point. Unfortunately just makes me feel really crap. A few years ago he bought me wellington boots that didn't fit - and that was also my fault apparently, so he stopped buying presents then. Now if he remembers I get a cookbook, or a DVD.

I finally gave up on him last year and bought my own b'day present (he gave me nothing - not even a phone call or a text as he was away) and Christmas present, so he said he thought he should get me something for Valentine's Day as he was feeling guilty (2nd time in 12 years!) He still expects to be treated for his birthday / Christmas. Taken out / made a fuss of etc etc.

He's just had his birthday, and its spiteful, but I really wish I hadn't bothered as just told me he hasn't even bothered to take the bracelet back, so now the receipt's expired (which I rang up and got extended to 48 days so he'd have time to take it back), he can't get his money back. He says why should I be bothered, because its his money. True, and I am probably being unreasonable, but I see all my friends being given personal gifts by their boyfriends / husbands, and just once I'd have liked it to be me.

Why didn't you take it back yourself and try something on so you know it fits?

What was stopping you returning it yourself? You might not have been able to get a refund if he'd paid for it using his card, but you could have swapped it for something with the receipt.

I think you've cut your nose to spite your face with the bracelet to be honest.

I know some will shoot me down in flames for saying this, but some people are good at buying gifts and some are rubbish-both men and women. My dh falls into the rubbish camp. After the debacle that was last christmas, I'll be doing my own present buying, and not getting into a strop about it. It's the only way I'll get something I remotely like or will use

He's being an arse.

It's not his fault you're the wrong size?

Is he getting smaller sizes on purpose? To comment on some sort of size he feels you should be?

Wrong size boots? What? Your fault? [boggle] Your fault he doesn't know what shoe size you take? Did you have a shoe size at him or something?

And now he's not even bought you birthday or christmas gift? then got you something that fit a teenager, despite being married to you and one would assume knowing your size, and suggesting that you were in the wrong for being the 'wrong size'?

And you should make a fuss of him while he treats you like crap?

He's not being very nice to you, you know that, don't you?

i understand that it isnt about returning the bracelet, its about him not caring enough or putting enough thought into the present in the first place.

you need to talk to him, without having a go at him and just say that it makes you feel sad when he doesnt put the effort in.

now i'm not high maintanace by any means, but DH makes me a cuppa every day, because that shows me he cares. maybe your DH needs to do something for you that makes you feel cared about.

Bracelets are pretty much 'standard' size though...or on the bigger side to allow for links to be removed depending on the style.

Therefore it would make perfect sense for the OP to return it herself and get something to fit.

"its not his fault I'm the wrong size"

You're the wrong size???!

He sounds vile.

Why do you still bother with his birthday, btw?

I'd have taken it back and exchanged it for something I liked - why didn't you do that?

Some people just aren't great at gifts.

If everything else is fine in your relationship I would have just exchanged it myself. But then I'm practical/control freak who likes to choose my own jewellery.

Do you think he'd put much thought into it?

I point of great vexation to me is that I have a defective gift in my dining room. It is not for me, DH bought it for MIL and it was broken. He said he would arrnage for it to be exchanged (amazon) but instead hid it in his car until we sold the car.

Now I look at it every day, in its box, a symbol of how useless he is. His mum never did get a present.

It wasn't for me, but it stil pisses me off.

I have no idea why this is relevant to you, but I feel better that I shared. :)

You should count yourself lucky. A friend of mine, her DH bought her a piece of clothing. It turned out to be too small and he said, "but I bought it at the big people shop, it should fit". Bloody hell! I think your DH has a weird thing about your size. Although how your feet are the 'wrong size', even if he is being a shit about your size, I fail to see.

I have very thin wrists even though I am a size 16. Some bracelets look great on me, others look rediculous so I fully understand about it being the wrong size and looking stupid.

Perhaps the shop he bought it from is near his work and not somewhere the OP ever goes

If he doesn't know the size of her wrist or foot after 12 years there's not much hope.

I'd gve it to a teenager and buy yourself a better present and give him the bill

I understand OP - you want him to make an effort.

Nagoos - it does help - it made me smile and I'm not the only one.

I'm in the wrong country to return it myself ... and when I rang the shop up they did say HE had to be the one to return it as it was on his card and it was their way of preventing fraud or something wierd. So either way I was screwed. I thought he'd return it, and then he might get me something another time - even for my next birthday........

I'm a size 12, but 5ft8 and quite muscular.

I agree - better just get used to the idea that there isn't much hope. I made an effort for his birthday for DD's sake. I don't want her to think everyone is like him. She was really upset about my birthday, as he had promised to take her shopping, but then she got chickenpox so he didn't come out because he couldn't remember if he had had it. Hence why I had expected a text on my b'day. I think I officially give up - I guess some men just don't make an effort - it only rankles because he used to buy his previous girlfriend chocolates and flowers every Friday because otherwise she wouldn't shut up. I think he's bought me flowers about 6 times total!

I've tried talking, I've tried crying, and I've tried being assertive. So better just face it and give up. And at least he is good at DIY when he bothers to finish the job.

He sounds like a right twat. Sorry.

eBay it and buy yourself something you actually want.

Can I ask you in what ways he shows you that he loves you and cares about you?

Oh if he's the only one who could return it then he's been very unreasonable.

I'd just buy something else as a present for yourself.

I have been known to buy things for myself and wrap them up as DH has bought me some rather odd things in the past and is not to be trusted. But I know he does love me and is thoughtful in other ways.

MrsCB - maybe I should do that too. But then I feel absolutely no desire to make an effort for him. My birthday is within a couple of months of Christmas, so I know its annoying. I'm starting to think that we should just agree not to do presents, and when we want to treat ourselves. The thing is I am used to doing nice things for people. I have a close group of friends, and we would generally be thoughtful for each other's birthdays. We were / are all lucky enough to be able to afford £10-£20 here and there - and it wasn't the value, it was the thought / something being personal. A day when you have an excuse to spoil someone.

He does do his share of the cooking / washing up, makes me a cup of tea when he makes one for himself, will put DD to bed, never gets really drunk or wastes loads of money etc. He's crap at finishing jobs (but then that is a trait his mother encouraged, as then he was like his useless father - don't ask me why but she was proud of that trait in common!) but will sort out a blocked pipe etc properly.

Shesparkles - thing is it was an expensive bracelet - and if I hadn't worn it he would have kept on at me. Even if I became a size 8, my wrist bones are just too big :-( The only other thing he's ever got me is a necklace that DD chose when she was 3. The engagement ring, he made me feel really guilty about, because I accidentally saw emails he sent to his ex, and even though I bought him a really nice watch at the same time as I thought it was 'fair'.

I guess I want to be given something unconditionally, that I don't have to listen to moaning about how much he hated having to buy it, or that he can't believe he just spent that much money......... ain't going to happen. So just got to get used to it. But from now on he can get stuffed present-wise, and I'll stick a note in my wallet reminding myself not to bother.

I do get it.

One year DH bought me a hideous scented candle from sainsburys on xmas eve and that was my present. I had requested a diptyque candle - not quite the same thing.

I was very upset as it was just the total lack of thought and he realised that for me putting some thought/effort into a gift is important. The following year I had a very nice watch

Its not a question of money its just him taking an hour out of his life to get you something that you'll like.

This part made me 'My birthday is within a couple of months of Christmas, so I know its annoying.'

It sounds like you're apologising for when your birthday is, as well as for having bigger wrists than some random shop assistant. Stop making excuses for him. He clearly just can't be arsed to make the effort. Stick to your guns - don't put in any effort for him either, and if he dares to bring up the lack of gifts you can just calmly say 'Oh, I thought we had agreed not to buy gifts anymore?'

In fact, are you really sure you should be with someone who makes you feel bad and guilty for wanting him to show he cares about you?

Oh all my relatives have told me all my life how annoying and inconvenient my birthday was - I would have thought they quite liked it as I normally got one present at Xmas, the same size/cost as everyone else's (kids - I was youngest) xmas presents. But hey ho - I guess the thought has become ingrained.

Lordy - one of my dc's birthday is on boxing day - your family would have hated that!

I've just read where you describe yourself-I'd LOVE to be the wrong size the way you are! Size 12, 5'8 and muscular with it-hell you're a BABE and he's very stupid to not appreciate you!

Bloody hell poppet he sounds a total charmer

Its totally thoughtless behaviour on his part, and your birthday being within a couple of months of Christmas??? So??? DD (2) is Jan 4th and DD(1) is Feb 11th, they get spoilt rottten.

I hope he has redeeming qualities.