Did I put my foot in it?

[doradaisy]

Just went to visit a friend who just had her gorgeous PFB child - he's only a week old.

Been texting her over the last week or so and said I'd leave her a few weeks to settle in but she rang earlier in the day to say to pop over, would love to see me, and I did this evening - but when I got there she was really weepy and emotional - as we've all been in the first week!

I know how sensitive this time is - and am feeling very paranoid about a few things (can only ask Mumsnet as DH sick of reassuring me! )

1. I feel I stayed far too long - about 40 mins, as she and DH looked very tired. They were full of chat but there was a few lulls in the coversation - I should have got up and left!
2. I felt I gave her TMI about breastfeeding tips in my earnest, although she didn't really ask me - about foremilk/hindmilk, etc, and also asking about their feeding routine
3. Her DH insisted on my having a cup of tea and while I was drinking it, PFB started crying/whimpering a bit in the moses basket and I said 'would you like me to take him?'

DH seemed a bit put out! Again, in my earnestness to seem helpful, I feel i might have come across as offensive - as if they didn't want to/couldn't lift him themselves!

Am delighted for them both but feel i could have been more sensitive/helpful. I know the early weeks is a haze but am afraid they'll remember me as 'the visitor who made all the gaffs'

AIBU?

Must mention too that I was kind of useless with answers to newborn questions as I couldn't remember! am a terrible friend!

No, you were fine! And by tomorrow they will only have a vague memory that you visited at all..... :)

YABU. It will be forgotten. Next time turn up with a meal for the freezer, a box set and ask mum if she wants to go to bed. Leave when you feel they are flagging. But she asked to see you, can't do more than that.

The only thing I would be wary about is offering unsolicited advice about feeding and asking about routine. I would have wanted to rip your head off. But the feeling would have passed by the next time I saw you

You were absolutely lovely, so stop being so hard on yourself, 40 minutes is not a long time and I'm sure they were touched that you took time to visit and make a fuss of them. If it makes you feel better, I offered to help change my friend PFB's bum, I was trying to be helpful, but the look she gave me made me realise I was being a bit patronising!!

You're being paraniod. Of course they are going to be tired, they have a new baby!

Stop worrying.

Have a and relax you were fine.

Sounds like you were fine to me. 40mins isn't too long. You were invited, and offered your help etc.... Don't worry.

Thanks all!

fayknights - that exactly it, it's kind of patronising of me - why did I offer to take the child if he was crying! Who am I like!?

ah send them a text saying how georgous the little one is and what a lucky boy he is to have such wonderful parents. The drop a nice frozen meal off and some flowers next time you pass. 40 mins is fine by way

You are an adult with a spare pair of hands and the energy to deal with the baby - and a friend. They invited you around.

Are you normally this anxious? If you are you need to get some help - it's not good for you. If it's just a one off - go to bed, go to sleep and stop over thinking things!!

That's nothing to worry about! My then best friend came to see us when DS was 5 days old. Stayed for blardy hours and hours including dinner. Left at about 10pm after a takeaway which DH had to collect. 40 minutes is but a blink of an eye!

That's nothing to worry about! My then best friend came to see us when DS was 5 days old. Stayed for blardy hours and hours including dinner. Left at about 10pm after a takeaway which DH had to collect. 40 minutes is but a blink of an eye!

Yes chippingin, I can get very anxious, esp around how I act around big occastions like births and funerals. I always feel i say/do the wrong thing!
(Bit of a Larry David maybe....)

Am usually easygoing company though!

You did fine, they INVITED you!!

I had a bossy lovely friend who used to come over and take DD3 for a cuddle and some wordly tips, I was just glad to have my arms if not my ears free for 3 minutes.

It's a shame you get so anxious as you sound like a lovely friend :)

If you haven't already, maybe you should find someone (professional) you can talk to about it as it must be quite stressful for you.

You are overthinking and reading too much into it.

They were probably really glad to see you and it was helpful to hear your tips and thoughts -40 mins isnt outstaying your welcome at all.

i always offer to take newborn babies. whether they are crying or not. i love the smell!

gosh u can come over to mine in a month, the newborn nappies, feed whatevr u can do it all i wont be offended in the least, could do with a break. never had one before.

u sound like a wonderful friend chill out!

you sound lovely, typical 'friend' wanting to help - don't worry yourself.

ps - how are you with 8 year olds???

Oh and, you can't be worse than me...

"I think I have to hold your baby, my womb is doing somersaults"

(luckily my nearest and dearest are used to me )

I think I quite liked it when people took DS when he was a newborn. I mean, as far as I can remember what I thought about anything when he was a newborn. Gave me time to do things like having a cup of tea, going to the toilet, or staring mindlessly at the other side of the room. Good times.

I wouldn't worry- one of my lovely friends came round tonight to visit me... Well, to visit 2wo dd, and she stayed for 2 hrs. Was great- she held the baby, meant I could stand up and do things like make a cup of tea, and stretch as dd had been feeding all day! Also meant dh could zip out and run a couple of errands without worrying about whether or not I could reach the remote/ my water/ my chapstick.... Also lovely to have some conversation that wasn't with dh (much as I love him!!)

Ring her today, the bf advice may have been helpful, she may not have known that stuff and the mw rarely has time to explain. Re the picking up, just say sorry if you offended but he is so cute you were dying for a cuddle!

Even if you did piss her off, then they both have a legitimate target to rant about, which is very satisfying and healing when you're at the end of your tether. You did them a service!