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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working weekends

31 replies

ems130581 · 21/03/2012 20:59

I have been working temporary jobs since my daughter was born 3 years ago. Now I feel that I want to further my career and have been offered a step up the ladder. Unfortunately it means working every weekend for the next 8 months or so. My partner wants me to turn it Down because of this. I think he is being unreasonable and not looking at the bigger picture but he won't even entertain the idea! AIBU??

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 21/03/2012 21:02

Hope I don't sound sexist, but it sounds like he doesn't want to woe responsibility of dc and the house on the weekends ( I take it he doesn't work weekends)

VivaLeBeaver · 21/03/2012 21:04

If it's only for eight months then long term it will be worth it if it leads to better things. I've just taken on a job for 12 months with bad hours for me bit I know it'll be worth it.

squareheadcut · 21/03/2012 21:04

YANBU why isn't your partner being supportive? That is really selfish of him, he should be saying, "go for it" and "don't worry about us, we'll cope for a while" and "good for you, i really admire your ambition and get up and go" .."i'm so proud of you" etc if he's just being a negative old sod you should really must give him a good talking to about what makes a positive and lasting relationship and it's certainly not about being short termist and selfish. good luck with the job, i'm proud of you if he isn't!

DPrince · 21/03/2012 21:06

DH wouldn't be happy as sunday is our only day together. However, if it was short term and would be better for the future, he would support me. DH does the school run most days and has ds (just turned 1) all day a few days a week so being at home with them wouldn't bother him. If the PP is correct.

BackforGood · 21/03/2012 21:08

I wouldn't be attracted to it as a long term prospect, but if it was for a fixed term, and was definitely a step to better things then sometimes you have to suck it up.
Will you definitely get no weekends though? What about holiday ? Any family weddings ?. No weekends off for 8 months is quite a commitment.

lechatnoir · 21/03/2012 21:14

Do you need the money? If you turn this role down is there a decent alternative? Can you use annual leave to take the odd Saturday off? I've recently gone from working PT mon-thurs to a job share thurs-sat as it meant more money for less hours & a better job. It's been great being around more during the week and doing school run, going to school events/coffee mornings etc and DH has some great 1-2-1 time with DC but I am very pleased I am allowed up to 1 Saturday off per month otherwise I think we'd struggle seeing family & friends many of whom aren't local & require an overnight stay.

As to whether your DH 'allows' this is another matter - would he get your permission before agreeing to a similar change? Is there a valid reason he's so against the idea? If he doesn't currently do much with your DC this could be the best thing for him (not that he'd agree but YKWIM)

Original poster
ems130581 · 21/03/2012 21:15

I have a feeling it is because he would have more responsibility for our DD also!
Wink
Thank you for your support. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being completely selfish! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
ems130581 · 21/03/2012 21:18

Yes, asking the prospective employer to pre-agree a few weekends ahead of schedule sounds reasonable too

OP posts:
maybenow · 21/03/2012 21:18

well, to be honest, if your DH works mon-fri and you'll work sat-sun then for eight months you won't get a single day together. i wouldn't be happy about that.

BUT... if my dh came to me with the same suggestion, although sad to not spend a day with him for a very long time i would look into it, discuss it, see if we can get some more days together using annual leave during the week...

troisgarcons · 21/03/2012 21:30

I wonder what shift workers do? police, fire fighters, ambulance crew, A&E, doctors, nurses, shelf stackers, care workers, security guards, the AA, the RAC, bar staff....... maybe they are all single.

BackforGood · 21/03/2012 21:37

Generally, the shifts change - so 3 days, then 3 nights, then 3 days off, or whatever the current patterns are - it's not quit the same as never being home at the same time until November.

McHappyPants2012 · 21/03/2012 22:12

in my department it is crazy, full time worker do 7 in 2 off 7 in 2 off 6 in 4 off all days

BukimiNoTaniGensho · 21/03/2012 22:16

Since when is he in total charge of your career? You want something, he just says NO, and thats the end of the discussion?

You must see the problem there.

Dustinthewind · 21/03/2012 22:18

Interesting, I wonder if the response would have been different with the sexes reversed.
When will you spend time together as a family?

attheendoftheday · 21/03/2012 22:46

I can agree that never having a day together is a problem but what makes your work days less important than his? If he's that dead set on having time together he could request flexible working from his work place or try to make adjustments himself.

If his issue is reluctance to look after dc/housework then he's into prick territory I'm afraid.

ENormaSnob · 21/03/2012 22:57

On average I work 2 weekends out of 4.

I did 7 in a row last year, dh works mon to fri so obv had the kids at the weekend whilst I worked. He was shattered as effectively not having a day off at all.

wigglesrock · 21/03/2012 23:01

My husband is a shift worker, he works nights, weekends etc, I work Saturdays, one weekend night and from the Summer Sunday mornings - We have 3dcs, its not ideal but one of us is usually at home during the week with the baby and the older 2 are at school.

We usually have a day at least during the week together but the older children are at school.

8 months isn't that long if you are sure you will not still be working weekends after that - its doable but requires a lot of organisation.

lechatnoir · 21/03/2012 23:03

Oh just re-read OP properly & clocked this is the whole weekend not just saturday and DH works Mon-Fri. Hmmm puts a different slant on it for me I'm afraid Hmm If it were every other weekend or just for a few months then yes, but every weekend for 8 months not seeing my OH or having a single family day would be a big strain that I would avoid unless absolutely essential.

startail · 21/03/2012 23:22

No! That's not furthering your career that's risking ruining your relationship.

You, DP and DD need proper time together.

8 months of no weekends over the Summer is crazy. They would need to pay in gold bricks for that.
Also does 8 months really mean 8 months or will the job actually take over most weekends long term.

Seriously expecting your DP to work 5 days and look after DD the other two is not fair.
Even if you are a stay at home mum the rest of the week, I guess DD goes to preschool in the mornings and you go to toddlers or to see friends.

Your DP wont get any time off and friends will be with their families so it will be full time bored toddler watching.

upahill · 21/03/2012 23:29

I'm guessing it is just office hours but on a saturday and Sunday?
So you will still be home at teatime and in the evenings?
So you dh could take a/l say for a Monday to Friday in the summer months and you can still go away as a family.

If it was defintly for the greater good I would do it.

mumeeee · 22/03/2012 00:06

I'm a shift worker but I don't work every weekend. I have one whole weekend off a month. Even when I'm working weekends I often get one of the days off, I wouldn't be happy foy my DH to say he was workingevery weekend for 8 months.

IAmBooyhoo · 22/03/2012 00:16

what upahill said.

it is workable. it isn't as if yo will be abandoning the hose from 6pm friday til 8am monday you will be home evenings and yor DH will have A/L in the week days so yo cn have time together.

FizzyLaces · 22/03/2012 00:18

What is the job?

Jinsei · 22/03/2012 00:43

Seriously expecting your DP to work 5 days and look after DD the other two is not fair.

We did that for a while when dd was little - I worked Mon-Fri and DH did a lot of his hours on Saturdays and Sundays. Obviously, I had dd all weekend after a very demanding job all week, but I never felt for a moment that it was unfair, or too much like hard work. It was just the most sensible way of organising our lives at that particular time. I still had the weekend "off", just got to spend it with my lovely dd. :)

It was a bummer that we didn't get much time together as a family, though, and DH now works Sundays only. This gives us a better balance, but if it's only eight months, I'm sure you'll manage. :)

IAmBooyhoo · 22/03/2012 01:24

is it fair that OP should have to look after her DD for 7 days without a break from it and to the detriment of her career? why can't her DH compromise for 8 months and shoulder a bit of the burden for the greater good of the family and his wife's career?

people all over the country work 5 days a week and still have to look after their children all weekend.

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