do i apologise or let sleeping dogs lie sorry,longggggg

[rhibutterfly]

I've been doing some soul searching recently after a woman who physically attacked me when drunk 2 years ago came on to me and apologized,i was very touched(could be down to pregnancy hormones)it's made me wonder if i should do the same
I had a short relationship with the ex partner of an aqaintance nearly four years ago,they'd broken up 7 weeks before he then left me a few weeks later to go back to her, i fell for him like a ton of bricks and loved him to the point of obsession,everytime they had a break he'd come running to me and like a fool i'd fall all over again this went on for a few years til about 16 months ago.
we have no contact as suchonly hi in passin now i've been with new partner for 14 months now and am 6 months pregnant.
what i have the urge to do is sent the aqaintance a message saying i'm sorry for my part in their relationship problems,she always knew we were back and for,or do i leave well alone,she attacked me before cos of this

Its up to you. I've apologised to people before who've looked at me like I was crazy and I felt foolish. I've apologised to people who've really appreciated it. All you can do is what you feel is right. If its bugging you, do it.

However, as violence was involved (I assume the attack was physical?) I'd probably learn to live with it!

People generally apologise to assauge their own guilt and make themselves feel better - not because they want to right a wrong.

Sounds like drunk violent woman might well have been doing a 12 step programme part of which is to make amends for past wrongdoings.

You certainly don't have to be doing the 12 steps to make amends though! Just bear in mind that you're not supposed to make amends if to do so would injure yourself or others.

What do you think their reaction to bringing it up would be?

this is what worries me, the not knowing if apology would be appreciated or thrown back in my face, i always justified letting this man back in my life because of the way i felt and the fact that he was unfaithful to her with others and to her knowledge and the fact that she kept offering him sex while we were together but with wisdom i've come to realise she probably loved him just as much as me and thats why she attacked me because he admitted to her he loved me,so i feel bad for her now and for purely selfish reason, i just don't like being hated by someone

ah, so the woman who attacked you was the one whose partner you were repeatedly shagging..

definately best to stay well clear I would say!

no no - the OP has been attacked twice, once by a drunk and once by the on-off partner of the fella she was with.

FWIW - he's master of his own dick - if he was in an offf period with her and you gave him solace - then it's place to be making amends.

Tho, I have to say - with my pseudo psych couch at the ready - why did you put up with being second best ever time he fell out with her?

I once blew off at someone at the stables as she got caught up in a row between me and another person, I left shortly afterwards, so didn't see her again for another 2 years. I had thought a few times about the row and what was said, I ended up visiting the stables on the spur of the moment and she was there. I took her to one side and apologised, she did really appreciate it even though she had long since got over the original comments as she knew she had done nothing wrong.
I think you should go for it, you know you were in the wrong so even if she doesn't appreciate it you at least have done the right thing.

god knows troi, i told him to stay away so many times but he kept coming back and i think i fell for it because it was more emotional than physical, very rarely any shagging going on actually,can count on one hand over 2 and half years, to be honest i think it was the emotional connection that bothered her the most because it was the same with me.I'd just like to be able to pass her in the street without the hatred being present

You were essentially the OW even though he has cheated with other women. Do you really want to apologize? I am sure she still has strong negative feelings about you and an apology probably isn't going to mean much. Why drag up the past? You might get sucked back in it when you are probably in a much better place now.

Let sleeping dogs lie. Be happy with your current circumstances.

I'd stay well away.

Despite being pregnant, you're still in the early stages of a relationship yourself and it could well cause problems for everyone concerned if she doesn't accept or appreciate your apology.

If you truly are sorry and want to apologise you have to accept that the other person may neither want nor accept your apology... Honestly, I'd leave this alone. She probably won't welcome you returning to her life.

thanks all for your comments xx

Leave it alone. You weren't the problem anyway, your ex was.

Give those sleepy dogs a blanket and walk away quietly.....

Let sleeping dogs lie. If you didn't have this new partner and they were still having relationship difficulties leading him to come running to you, you may still have been sleeping with him. This would make me think that you are not sorry as such, just want to get rid of your guilt for your own sake. (Not saying this is how it is, just how it might seem to me if I was the other party)

your right knowitall he caused a lot of problems in my new relationship by coming back into my life, only recently me and me new partner back on track and looking to the future as a family, also noticed he would also only turn up if i met someone new but never saw him when i was alone.I think that's why i feel the need to apologise to his partner i now see he was playing us both and she was not the problem he was