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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it was obvious when i said .....

22 replies

dribbleface · 21/03/2012 17:18

i need to have something to eat when i take these tablets that my dh would have brought a drink as well as bread and butter? I have spasms in my back and I'm in agony, have 2 young dc's too so dh at home to help as i can't walk very well. Back from doctors with a barrage of tablets, asked him to do me some bread and butter to take tablets with as very strong. when i suggested i needed a drink too (when he appeared with food) he snapped about me making him run around in circles. I'm never bloody ill! Trivial issue i know but he's so literall it drives me mad! I'm fed up and in pain and he's now having a strop!

OP posts:

JustHecate · 21/03/2012 17:20

Yes. It's obvious.

He's also mean to snap at someone in pain.

'Running round in circles' is what you do to help the person you love when they're struggling.

Or did he not get the memo?

ViviPru · 21/03/2012 17:21

DP's like this. In the main, he pulls his weight and we have quite a good reciprocal balance when it comes to doing things for each other. But if I'm ever ill/incapacitated, woe betide I ask him for anything. Godknows what that's all about.

Hope you're feeling better soon :)

rhibutterfly · 21/03/2012 17:22

poor you dribbleface unfortunately i think quite a few blokes are like this when their partner is ill, my BIL becomes a right tw** when my sister is ill as he actually has to do housework/childcare.Hope your feeling better soon

Original poster

dribbleface · 21/03/2012 17:22

He missed that memo! He's lovely really just not good when things are not usual. argh!

OP posts:

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 21/03/2012 17:26

Like vivi we actually have a good balance at home re. Children and general household stuff. I have been really unwell this week and he has been worse than useless at doing that little bit extra I've needed. I have no idea what goes suddenly wrong when I'm ill.

TroublesomeEx · 21/03/2012 17:28

Men are often quite... literal.

ViviPru · 21/03/2012 17:29

Well I must say, I feel a small comfort that it's not just in my house... What's with them?

Jins · 21/03/2012 17:31

You made a specific request though. You asked for bread and butter to take the tabets with.

I would have brought bread and butter and assumed you had a drink as you hadn't asked for one

I wouldn't have moaned at you :(

SandStorm · 21/03/2012 17:32

Although, to play devil's advocate for a moment, you did ask for bread and butter to take your pills with. Some people do dry swallow pills. Maybe he thought you were going to do that? Or crush them into your sandwich?

TerrierMalpropre · 21/03/2012 17:36

I empathize. My husband is the same, but naturally he expects the world to stand still when he has a bout of man flu. My advice is to LEAVE THE BASTARD.

Hope you feel better soon. Back pain is no fun at all.

thebody · 21/03/2012 17:39

I think men are much more scared of illness and pain than women, let's face it they don't have periods or give birth.

Men like to make things right and sort things out ,and illness in a partner is something they can't aleays deal with, saw lots of this as a district nurse,an either over the top annoying and hovering man who needs a get a pat on the back to fetch one bloody drink or the type thats a bit dismissive and even sulky as he's not getting the attention.

Also men are just a bit useless tbh!

GravyAndALumpyMashBaby · 21/03/2012 17:40

Not trivial, upsetting when you're in loads of pain! It would've thought it obvious, yes.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

And remind him of his horrible comment when he's ill.

ViviPru · 21/03/2012 17:41

Thanks for that insightful post, thebody. Makes sense.

Original poster

dribbleface · 21/03/2012 18:01

your right i didn't say and drink and i should know him by now, but no need to be stroppy when i asked for one. he's apologised now though. thebody has it spot on, my dh goes into avoidance when I'm in pain, when i was in labour with ds2 and contraction's were suddenly very intense and 2 minutes apart he disappeared into the kitchen and spent a long time telling my dad where to find the cat food, my mum dragged him out in the end politely informing him i need to go to the hospital! love him though!

OP posts:

zukiecat · 21/03/2012 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 21/03/2012 18:20

This clearly constitutes an offical MN "Leave the Bastard" moment.

Original poster

dribbleface · 21/03/2012 18:24

well of course, but then I'd have to get my own bread and butter as well as a drink

OP posts:

Whatmeworry · 21/03/2012 18:25

Tsk Tsk - leave After he has got he drink - and a penitent dinner....

FondleWithCare · 21/03/2012 18:32

Pretty obvious to me that you would need a drink too. I think sometimes I can act on autopilot though and if asked to get bread and butter I would without registering that water is necessary too. BUT I would feel like an idiot when I realised and definitely wouldn't shout at you.

Jux · 22/03/2012 08:37

Panic mode engaged and running smoothly!

It happens, and is very annoying when you have to depend on the person who is running on panic mode. He just needs to calm down, stop worrying about you and then he can think like a normal person.

I was stuck in bed for 6 weeks once. DH went straight into panic mode, but he did calm down and was not a bad nurse in a day or two.

Hope your pain is under control now.

albertswearengen · 22/03/2012 08:44

My dh would do exactly the same. He will then whinge and moan the whole time I'm sick until I crawl out of bed and then that's me fully recovered in his eyes. When he's ill he lies in bed and has me running around after him at his every whim. Generally he's not that bad but he really doesn't make a good nurse or patient.

Original poster

dribbleface · 23/03/2012 09:34

thanks for the sympathy everyone. Jux pain more manageable today, my lovely mum spent the day here yesterday to help with the boy's and she looked after me too! Alberts dh is the same, i can walk now so I'm obviously fine , though to be fair he did get boy's up washed and dressed before he went to work. just need to get back to normal, have too much to do.

OP posts:

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