To be cross about this

[SaraBellumHertz]

This might out me but I'm cross so need some perspective.

I share a school run with a close friend.

Yesterday she approached me after school with the following version of events (names changed obviously!):

"just so you know I shouted at all the kids this morning. I didn't see what happened but Fiona apparently kicked Fred in the head, I didn't see her but then Fred punched Fiona in the stomach so I shouted at them. Fred stormed off into school. Just so you know"

Fiona is 6, Fred is 5. Both year 1.

When I picked up my DS his teacher told me that she had found him crying in the corridor before school. She told me he was upset about being told off.

When I spoke to DS he admitted punching but maintained that he had been kicked in the head first. He said that my friend had shouted at him for being "nasty" and that her DC hadn't been told off, complaining "fiona never gets told off, but everyone always shouts at me". My 7 year old DD confirmed that it was just DS who had been shouted at and that he had been deliberately kicked.

It was my friends turn to do the school run this morning so I text her to say I would take my DC. I didn't hear anything back.

I don't know what to do. I am upset that my DS was so upset but don't really know how to deal with this going forward. My friend is lovely but she is a little blind to the way her DD can behave, an example being that my 7 year old recently said she didn't want to play with her so much because she always cries to get her own way and it is boring.

I don't want to fall out with my friend and wish I could just let it go but I feel so sad for my little boy crying on his own at school because he thinks he gets blamed for everything

Good question worra hadn't even occurred to me that it hadn't been immediate. I just asked DS and he said that they were in school car park when he got kicked and he punched her when they got out of the car. So maybe a few minutes. I guess this would fit with DS then storming off into school, but wouldnt swear to the veracity of DS's version here!

I'm just thinking that maybe your friend really didn't see it then as she was driving/parking.

Therefore, possibly the only thing she saw was your son get out of the car and punch her DD in the stomach?

Hence her doing that thing we tend to do of 'shouting at everyone'...especially as they were rushing into school?

I do think separate school runs is a good idea for all concerned really.

so your DS waited a few minutes to punch the girl in the stomach? To me that is a planned thing and this sort of anger/aggression needs sorting out.

If that had been my child/ren they would all have got into trouble and I would TELL them to get their feet off the headrest or we wouldnt be going anywhere. And yes, I would stop the car, pull over and tell them to keep their feet down.

Jax I'm not denying any of that . But it's not really the issue.

We drive to school on a multi lane highway. They are told not to put their feet up but it is far safer to let it go than it would be to pull over on the hard shoulder.

It does sound like six of one and half a dozen of the other, so I agree your friend should have told off both children, not just your DS. But I also agree with Worra that if she saw the punch but didn't see the kick we all tend to come down harder on behaviour we have actually observed ourselves.

It's not worth ruining a friendship over in my opinion.

I dont care if you drive your children to school. That isnt the issue here.

It does sound like both children were at fault. If you are friends with this other mum then you should be able to say your son was upset. But not something that is worth falling out over.

To be honest, the feet on the headrest bugs me more, but that is a safety issue/behavioural issue and is up to you to sort out. It is annoying if the person behind you continually digs their feet into your back, even more so if at your head, so I would be telling them to pack it in.