AIBU to consider a job that means I will barely see DP for the next year?

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

I have been given a chance at a fantastic job opportunity (am in Uni). However, it will mean being away a lot. It is my dream job. It will also set DP and I up financially, for some time. However, I will only get home for about 18 weekends, out of the next 52 weeks. We have been TTC for many years now (started trying young), so I am only 27. Part of me is terrified of giving up TTC (after 5 unsuccessful years), but I am young, so we could return to TTCing, soon. We trust each other explicitly, I won't worry about being away from him, although I will miss him horribly. It is my dream job, so I know I should go for it, but the sappy part of me worries about missing him. Please tell me to cop on and get past that!

Take the opportunity!

I think after 12 months of ttc you should think about seaking out some advice about why things are not working. The job opertunity sounds fab and you sound like you would be keen to go and do it. I say go for it, you only live once and if you love each other you can make it work no matter what.

What happens after the year? Is it just a year contract or will the job return to normal hours after a year? If it's just a year I'd say go for it while you have the chance. You are still young so after the year you can still TTC, whereas if the chance came up again some years later and you had a young baby you might not want to take it. As others have said, can your DP come and visit you on the weekends that you can't get away?

Thanks for all of your responses, they have given me a lot to think about. Apologies for not getting back to this thread sooner, have been flat out with course work, and helping my sister and her DP move house the past couple evenings.

To answer a few questions - DP is very supportive. The way he sees it, he has been following his dream, career wise, for the past 10 years (he is a few years older than me, and in the music industry). He figures that it is now my turn. Also, when he started down his career path, I was working full time, so financially supported him (as well as setting him up with his first big break), so he now wants to reciprocate. Now, I am not looking for reciprocity, or 'payback', but I really do want a shot at my dream job.

TBH, he is away with work a lot anyway - we might get 10 mins one night, a quick dinner another, and then he is away for a few days. It is bloody difficult, but we make it work. We love each other dearly and trust each other explicitly, which I guess helps.

Re: TTC. Yup, lots of years, 4 MC's, and my last pregnancy was Jan 2010. Really, really think we need a break. It is starting to consume us and take over our relationship. Plus, as we started TTC so young, maybe we need some time to be career-focused and selfish. Which is where this benefits DP - he loves his work, and only comes home for 10pm most nights because he is coming home to me. If I were away, he could throw himself into his work for as long as he wants, as could I, and then our weekends would be just about us.

Finally, the full-on, away from home work is just for a year, but the job would continue to put considerable demands on my time. I would, of course, be entitled to Mat Leave, we could still have a family. Well, assuming we can anyway - we have the same GP, who reckons neither of us have any need for further investigations. Perhaps time away from the suffocation that is TTC would help us.

Sorry for the epic post. Have been thinking about this all day, and have poured all of my thoughts out here - can't really talk to anyone IRL about this. Thanks so much for all of the advice and wise words. Much appreciated. Sorry if I missed any questions / posts. My brain is well and truly fried!!

I would go for it!

It's your dream job, you're only 27 (I had my son at 36 naturally after TTC in my 20's and gave up), it's only for a year and as you're at uni and the job market being shit hard for most young people....

Any chance of him coming out for weekends?

You don't want to be 20 years down the line saying "If only I had taken my dream job"!

I say go for it but with your eyes wide open. Of course your relationship will change over the year - as will both of you. That happens in relationships regardless of distance. But if you keep talking, keep being aware of each other then it shouldn't be a problem.

suburbophobe, thank you! DP can come out to visit me weekends (not every weekend, I'll be working quite a few of the weekends I'm away), but it is feasible, plus, now that he is finally making a good bit of money in his work, we could afford it.

See, I would be fine with having children in my thirties. One of my favourite aunts had her first at 39 and second five years later. They are now twelve and almost 8, she balances her demanding job (as a paediatrician) with spending time with her children, while still having a social life. She is something of a hero to me.

I think, a lot of the reason DP and I started TTC so young was to do with familial pressure - all of his siblings were married with children by 25, and there was a lot of pressure on us to follow their lead. I kind of just want a wee bit of time to follow my own dreams now. Especially after years of living for TTC.

I really don't want to, in 20 years, be saying 'I regret not doing...' My Mum has been there, and it's been horrible for her, and for us. She regrets a life lost, and, (although I love her dearly) we feel guilty for taking that from her. I don't ever want to do that to my children.

I think you have to follow your dream job for one year in the knowledge it will set you, your partner and future kids up.

Do the job for a year. Carry on TTC when you can but then agree that after one year you need to ask to see a fertility specialist and explain that you have been trying to concieve for 6 years. You need some some basic fertility tests so you know what the problem is. Infact you could have a day 21 progesterone test done through your GP surgery if you chat to them about it. It's just a blood test. Half the time fertility issues are ovulation related and so very very simple to put right. Just a couple of tablets at the start of your cycle.

Fertitlity issues can really destroy lives. I wish I had seen my GP and seen a specialist quicker. I wish I'd have gone privatly earlier so that I could have missed those years of heart ache. It was so simple to resolve once we knew what the problem was.

Just read your other post. Have you looked into Asprin? Might be worth a google. You should realy see a specialist though and have tests.