To think that 2 months is long enough to wait for a thank you for a gift.

[Isla77]

My niece and her partner had a baby girl 2 months ago. Of course I was delighted for them and immediately bought a card and some presents for the baby. Now I live 500 miles away from my family so we do not see one another all that regularly but I keep in touch by phone with my sisters (my parents are deceased) and always send nice birthday and christmas presents to my nieces and nephews and their partners as well as to my sisters and their DH's. I have still not heard a word from my niece about the presents I bought for the baby and feel very disappointed that she has not sent a thank you card or even just sent a text to me to say she received the gifts. I know it is a busy time for her but she finds plenty time for going on Facebook and for meeting up with friends (from what I read on Facebook). I am close to saying something to my sister but feel that might not be appropriate. I feel my family has just written me off because I am a long way away from them. It is me who makes the effort to keep in touch by phoning, never forgetting birthdays etc. I feel very hurt by their treatment. When I had my own two children (now in their teens) my sisters sent gifts and I phoned them on the day the gifts arrived. I am feeling quite hurt about it to be honest.

I'm sorry but I find a lot of these comments shocking and disrespectful. She has had a baby not her arm cut off and common curtesy should dictate that a simple thank you is delivered for presents. Very very rude OP - I feel for you. Sadly there's a lot of it about.

I can only assume luckylavender that recovery from birth and getting used to new motherhood were a piece of cake for you, compared to how some people find it. Lucky old you, give yourself a pat on the back for still managing to get your thank-yous out there. But cut all the other mere mortals out there some slack please!

No thank you in 2 months is not "very very rude" luckylavender, just that someone might not be particularly organised what with having the priority of coping with a newborn. Everyone copes differently and there is no way I could have got 60 thank you cards sent out immediately without totally neglecting my DD. Agree that it does not take long at all to fire off a quick text but I wanted to send nice personalised thank yous for all the lovely gifts.

The issue here seems to run deeper as OP mentions that she feels it is always her being the one who makes the effort but a single incident of taking 2 months to send a thank you is not the end of the world.

I stand by what I said. My DC was 3 weeks early, I had pre-eclampsia and a blood transfusion but my manners did not desert me.

I sent personalised thank yous and DP was back at work. It is simple manners - that's all.

I think I would forgive someone on having a new baby. It's so easy to forget something simple esp. you don't write it down at the time. I made a point of writing a list and adding to it (people were still sending presents and cards two months later fwiw) but some people are completely discombobulated by new parenthood and something like that would be out of the question.

BTW it recently took me a month to do a thank you card for one of my daughter's 3rd birthday gifts as it was belated and arrived just as I had written all the other thank yous - If I don't do things straight away I forget for ages, or completely. So I can see perfectly how someone else might.

I see where you're coming from, as we have sent gifts in the past, which I know have been received and not received any acknoeledgment at all.

But I remember back to when I had DS. We were incredibly fortunate in that we received baby gifts from 67 (yes 67) separate people/couples/families. It was incredible. Things turned up all the time, and it was really overwhelming how generous and kind people were.

I was so touched that I wanted to send everyone a handwritten note and a photo of DS. I went about printing out 67 photos and writing 67 cards. It took me absolutely ages as I wanted to send a personal message. As time went on, I knew that I was (in my view) late in sending a thank you card, so I felt that my message had to be longer, or more elaborate. Which took me even longer to write.

I think all cards were sent out within two months of receiving a gift. But it took up so much time (I did them all whilst DS napped), and looking back, that was time I should have spent either sleeeping or looking after myself when he was so very little and demanding.

Maybe your neice is in this position.

As she is a Facebook person, you don't think maybe she wrote a generic thank you on her wall and included you in that?

Well, I have a 3.5-month old baby and I've still only written about half of the 65 thank you notes I owe. I have been completely and utterly overwhelmed with lack of sleep, looking after the other kids, etc etc etc. I am beginning to feel a bit bad and aim to get them all done over the next few weeks, but honestly, I've done as many as I've been able to. Most of the time I am thoroughly exhausted.

This is not the case with the op, but the majority of presents I received were from people I didn't know. Mostly friends of my mil. Therefore couldn't text. Actually had to keep phoning mil to get their surnames and addresses (why people don't put them on the back of the card I don't know).

Another problem I had was mil dropping off gifts in batches. Quite often there would be a few gift bags put inside each other with a few cards. I couldn't always tell what present was from who and had more cards than gifts. Do people think it is best to send a thank you just in case?

Giving a gift is not a contract. It does not entitle you to a thank you letter. You might get one, (lovely) or you might not but to take the huff when you don't shows neediness on the part of the giver.

Not good to be needy of a new mum.

And for those who throw their hands up in the air about manners, why? Because manners maketh man? Or because the gift was about you, not them?

I received a thank you note in ds school bag today for a present we gave to someone in January ... I am now wondering if the mum is aMNetter, saw this thread title, had a jolt of guilt and fired off a few cards maybe I should sidle up to her next time I see her on the school run and ask if she fancies some pombears??!!

I had (undiagnosed for ages) PND after ds was born, thank yours went out when he was about 4 months old, and I think I managed everyone but wouldn't stake anything on that, as I was a complete and utter fruit loop. So cut her some slack.