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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have found a house to move to after two years looking

26 replies

Monica145 · 20/03/2012 22:42

Hello all

Not so much AIBU as am I going nuts. We've been looking for a new house to move to for TWO YEARS now (we are currently renting, having owned previously), and this will be the place where we settle because I have to apply for DS' primary school place this year. But - it doesn't seem to matter how many houses we look at, I can never seem to bring myself to commit to one for long enough to make an offer. (DH is v patient person and won't force the issue - not that he should have to, just that it might help me to stop being such a silly cow.)

I now have 301 days in which to sort this, because that's the deadline for schools applications.

Has anyone else found themselves in this trap? I really don't want DS in the local school where we are now, so something has to change fast

And yes, it does occur to me that I might be more depressed than I recognised until today, and I'm off to the doc on Thursday to talk about that.

Really would appreciate your thoughts.

Monica145

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 20/03/2012 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanofarchitrave · 20/03/2012 22:44

Well, maybe you operate best under pressure. The schools deadline will reduce your choices - you HAVE to move now. It may get a lot easier as a result.

Could you tell us about your favourite things about the houses you grew up in? Were they perfect houses or just good enough?

Jajas · 20/03/2012 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Monica145 · 20/03/2012 22:57

joanofarchitrave, they (3, from birth to 18 when I left) were good enough houses (all council houses in reasonable areas) and we're trying to move to a "better" area in the same town near schools with more mixed catchment areas, because we want to stay reasonably close to family/ friends/ work. They were very ordinary and homely types of places, ironically none of which my parents chose - because they were council houses and you got what was available!!

The places we are looking at are all newer estate-type stuff, all nice areas with good schools and completely non-offensive, but I think I am utterly terrified of making a bad choice, to the point of paralysis.

Despite having gone to uni and stayed away for years before coming back, I've lived within 2 miles of where I sit and type now for a total of 18 years, including the past 10. It's not a great area, but it's my home. I've explored staying near here, but the one good primary doesn't do wrap-around care so that's pretty much that.

I've bought two houses in the past, both on my own, and decided to buy both of them after only a few viewings and before even going upstairs, just on that "feeling" you get. Nothing this time though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monica145 · 20/03/2012 23:10

TheSecondComing, I might take you up on that.... I even considered putting my name down for Kirsty and Phil at one point last year, until I clicked that I would be broadcasting my own personal rubbishness to the world, and that might hurt a bit....

OP posts:
welovesausagedogs · 20/03/2012 23:30

We are in a similar position, DS is 4 and are currently awaiting to see which school he has got in too. We have been looking at houses since last august so just under a year, and we have had 2 houses fall through and at the moment nothing that meets our requirements is coming up at the moment.

Starwisher · 20/03/2012 23:31

Gives up the area I love rightmove and will look for you!

DodieSmith · 20/03/2012 23:38

How much are you wanting to spend?

Original poster
Monica145 · 20/03/2012 23:39

Welovesausagedogs, did you decide to apply for schools first then start looking to move? I would love to do that but all our first choice schools are oversubscribed and i don't think i'm brave enough right now....

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Original poster
Monica145 · 20/03/2012 23:43

DodieSmith, we could go to £200k (we're in Shrops and that gets 3or4 beds) but i'd like to spend less if possible really. I think that's part of my problem tbh, dh is fearful of losing as market drifts down and i think i've caught it too.

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CheshireDing · 21/03/2012 01:23

As long as you can afford it and if you plan on staying in the house for a good while it does not matter if the market price drops a bit.

Now is an excellent time to buy as you are not in a chain.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 21/03/2012 01:33

Monica Just to say that I sympathise. We are currently trying to move (lease up 30 April so I have to decide this week- we are just renting again). I'm just paralysed by indecision. When it was just Dh and I, I used to just go "gut feel" but now we have DS and another one on the way, all the moving parts are just overwhelming me as I need to juggle mine and DH's work, DS's activities, school catchment considerations, space vs facilities, etc etc. Really praying Dh has a strong preference. I guess I just dont want to be responsible for the bad decision.

Anyway, I think there is a risk the UK market will drift down BUT so long as you can afford your mortgage, it may well still be a better option than renting, as you'll own the asset at the end of 20 years.

DodieSmith · 21/03/2012 01:50

Two years is a long time. In your heart of hearts do you really want to buy a house?

Starwisher · 21/03/2012 01:52

Your home should be first and foremost a home. Prices could go down or suddenly rocket so you cant afford an house at all in the area (of course unlikely but who knows for sure?)

Original poster
Monica145 · 21/03/2012 06:04

RichMan, that's exactly how i'm feeling, the responsibility of making the decision is weighing so heavy. Like you i was hoping dh would fall in love with somewhere and decide for all three of us, but he's just not that kind of guy (and i wouldn't really want him to be, i love him just the way he is).

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Original poster
Monica145 · 21/03/2012 06:15

Dodie, i do. I think part of the difference between this time and my purchases in 2000 and 2002 is that the market here is so thin right now. I think i've set my heart on too narrow a search area, and the cheaper properties there are few and far between. The last few that have come up we've missed because i've not been able to make a snap decision and someone else has beaten us to them.

We lost two properties last year because, on the weekends we should have offered, i miscarried early pregnancies (both around 6 weeks) and didn't feel able to deal with houses while i waited for confirmation that i'd lost the babies, last one was in late november. Reading my own posts back has made me realise that i'm really not over those losses and i'm going to doc thurs to ask for help. But i still have to move my ds soon.

OP posts:
welovesausagedogs · 21/03/2012 09:49

We were looking before we applied for school but no luck, and as we want to stay in the borough anyhow, we went ahead and put an outstanding school that is right next to our current flat as first choice, we did think about moving out the borough, but if we get offered a place at our first choice school i would be worried that we make loose our place if we no longer lived locally, or his siblings wouldn't get in, so we have decided to stay in the borough.

Original poster
Monica145 · 21/03/2012 10:34

What a great position to be in. In those circumstances i'd stay put too until something to buy came up. sigh

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NoraHelmer · 21/03/2012 11:12

We've had our house on the market for nearly 18 months now. No-one seems to want to buy it. It's lovely - 4 beds, reasonable sized garden (for an estate house), just not in the right town for us anymore. Anybody fancy a move to Dorset?

Flisspaps · 21/03/2012 11:19

Whereabouts in Shropshire?

Looking for a house near Ludlow is going to be very different to looking for a house in Telford!

Is it a possibility to rent somewhere else, in the catchment area of the school you'd like, rather than having to commit to buy if you're not ready?

DodieSmith · 21/03/2012 11:26

Yes, I'd think about choosing a school you really like, and renting near there. Then once your child is in then you'll have the leisure to look for a house.

thegreylady · 21/03/2012 11:30

Monica where in Shropshire are you? I live in North Shropshire and there are some lovely houses and good schools in and around Wem and Whitchurch. The schools are good too.

Original poster
Monica145 · 21/03/2012 12:06

Dodie, that's what i'm trying to persuade my husband to agree to but he's not keen.... that's my plan b.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monica145 · 21/03/2012 13:47

You know, i think this isn't all me blinding revelation strikes - i feel like i have to make the decision but there are two of us here!!!

Thanks to all for your comments, this is probably the most useful conversation i've had this year.

Still don't know what to do but at least now i don't feel like it's entirely my fault.... which is better

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Original poster
Monica145 · 21/03/2012 19:52

Aargh!! Finally decided this afternoon to put in an offer on a house we've been dithering about, to find already under offer but just not off RightMove yet!!

However, this feels like progress.... Thanks to all.

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